This man must fall as all men must,
The fate of all is always dust.
As every man must surely die,
In his cold grave, he too will lie.
And not even he can run away,
Death will come like a bird of prey.
It's his time to take one last bow,
For his end will come swiftly now.
And every dream of his will fade,
As his final farewell is bade.
To Hell or Heaven this man will go,
High up above, or down below.
This man must fall as all men must,
The fate of all is always dust.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I enjoyed this poem immensely. I was a little concerned that hell and heaven would not be mentioned, but when they were, I was overjoyed!
I believe an awkward line would be: "And not even he can run away,"
Please rearrange some words here, or something, because I don't understand what's going on!
Everything else was wonderful. Thanks for writing. Keep it up.
Haunting!
There were two places that I feel the rhyme was just a little too forced, but I just realized as I was reading this that (for me at least) the rhyme seems less forced when you put the more... strange word first. So for example,
that will feel less forced if you write it the other way:
"Death will come like
abirds of prey,And not even he can run away."
The other example of this that I saw was:
I think that would sound better if you wrote it:
"As his final farewell is bade,
every dream of his will fade."
The rhythm does seem off in a few places. The first four lines are all perfect in rhythm: you set out an iambic tetrameter, (eight syllables: da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM) and then you strayed from it.
Here's my help on how to get the rhythm straight while still staying true to what you wrote:
The rest of the lines were fine!
Anywho, that's just my opinion on how to make it *that* much better. I really like it as it is though. ^^
Great job! Keep writing.
Thanks! To be honest, I have no idea what an Iambic tetrameter is. Thanks for the help!
It just means that you have eight syllables per line following the unstressed-stressed pattern of da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM ^^
Thanks. I think I'll use your improvements as the poem is all still there, just improved.
This is a really good poem! I thought that the rhythm was off in some places but that's just a personal inconsistency on my part. I love the repetition of the hook because it sounds so profound and the inevitability of death is always a great thing to write (albeit cliche sometimes).
Nothing much more I can say about this. Keep writing!
Death and its inevitability seem to be the central ideas here. While I appreciate the thought that went into this, I like when poems about death have an optimistic touch:
You fade in the dark
dying, you leave a spark
Not lecturing on how to write. Just sharing my opinion
Thanks for your opinion. Maybe I'll write an optimistic death poem next c:.
Have I reviewed on this? No? Well, here I am! *throws weird stuff* Ok ok, I will stop. :p
I love your poem. The end. I love the content, I love the rhyming, I love the grammar, I love the rhythm, I love how you've written it and I can't believe you're 12. Are you really 12? Sorry, sorry. *flies off into further reviewing*
Great opening line, simple but meaningful and I also like your repetition of these two sentences all the end.
Look, I really can't nick pick anything else in this poem. The rhythm flows nicely all the way through, no grammar or spelling mistakes and I love you choice of word use.
Beautiful correspondence, and very very true.
And you tied this poem up with the most beautiful bow. Bra
Thanks. And yes, I'm 12
.... I feel very small right now.
Don't! It took me many attempts to sort out rhythm and rhymes and such.
Hello NightWolf!
Rachel here to review!
Wow, this is really a beautiful piece you've written here. Honestly. I have nothing bad to say about this poem.
Your rhyme scheme is very clean and fluent, and the vocabulary you've chosen is perfect.
I especially love your opening stanza:
The repetition you use at the end was a very nice touch! It ends the poem on a quiet, somber note. The silence it leaves is almost tangible. I love it.
Great job! Please keep writing.
-Rae
This poem is so wonderful! It is one of my new favorites now. It is so deep and dark and it flows so perfectly. The rhyming is cleaver and make the poem even more smooth. I am very impressed by this poem and I really hope you keep up the great writing.
10/10
-Leah
Hello NightWolf! This is a very good poem you have composed. It is well written, and I like the deliberate feel that the poem's flow and word choice create. The inevitability of death is a universal theme that many people struggle with, and this poem thoughtfully addresses the topic.
Is the poem based on a line from Doctor Who? I am not very familiar with Doctor Who, so I hope I am not missing much in this poem.
The only line that feels slightly out of place is "High up above, or down below." This line seems unnecessary, because it is mostly just repeating the idea of the line above it. It feels out of place because it is the only line that does not contribute to the meaning of the poem. Perhaps you could put something in place of this line.
On the grammar front, I only have a few small things to mention.
"In his cold grave, he too will lie." You can remove the comma after "grave." I think it would make that line more clear.
"As his final farewell is bade." I am not sure if "bade" is correct here. I believe the past participle of "bid" is "bidden" or "bid." I may be wrong, though.
The poem is very nicely done, and I only have a few small tweaks to suggest. I enjoyed the poem, and I hope you write more.
Thanks. It is very loosely based on the Doctor, when someone tells him he cannot escape death, but only very loosely.
Thanks again
I just checked. Bidden and bade are both correct.
Hey Nightwolf
You know what? I just read an amaaazing poem here.
It is beautiful :')
The way you portrayed the dark evil nature of death is brilliant. The way men stand helpless in front of death is well explained.
I think every poem lover is mad about rhymes it contains, so am I and trust me, you did true justice to that.
The rhymes are smooth.
I like the way you ended the poem with the same lines you started it with, it completed it.
Those lines are my favourite too.
Looking forward to more of this kind. Keep writing!
Ps: Happy New Year
Love,
Krish
Hey!
Brilliant poem really, you have chosen the perfect words, there is a proper flow to the poem and of course, the message. A simple truth stated in many poems but you have put it together beautifully.
I usually don't like poems that rhyme but i have to say that in this case, it sounds good.
"Death will come like a bird of prey.
It's his time to take one last bow,"
2 of my favourite lines and of course, the title!! Good job!!
Great poem! I like the rhyming, which is not at all elementary-like. Great job and continue writing! Happy New Year!