A stormy look to a blue sky...
Clouds above, but not quite
Birds perched on a tree,
Not a single soul in sight.
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Silence, except for a light drizzle
A light breeze hits my smiling face.
Spy a colorful umbrella moving my way...
A call heard from inside...
I shut the door and walk away.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Hi, J here for a review.
This was a very nice piece, with a great subject and an amazing character. I loved the ending when she heard the call but closed the door and walked away. I would have liked to know what was calling her, was it an ex-boyfriend, an abusive parent? Great job keeping things flowing, there were no major stalls in the context so that was nice and it made it easy to follow. Your ending was my favorite not just with the person calling her, but with the umbrella that added a pop of color and the light breeze that added personality. Over all really nice piece!
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
Thank you for the review!
I left it unspecified since I figured that every reader would want to interpret the poem in their own way. So you're free to decide!
Let me start by saying I adore short poems, mostly because I'm ridiculously lazy when I review but that's besides the point here. I'm also partial to rainy day poetry.
I liked your description for your piece, a different kind of happiness. People don't often think about rain as bringing joy but personally, it's calming, surreal, and a nice change of pace now and then despite the danger. About your poem itself, it really captured the surreal feeling that comes with rain and the contentment. I especially liked the added splash of color towards the end with the umbrella, it provided a needed and lovely contrast to the previous descriptions. Something that could be easily glossed over is your syntax which I really admired. Your use of ellipses to trail off lines is wonderful in adding to the overall feeling of your poem here and I think it doesn't detract from the meaning (sometimes using ... too much has that tendency).
Keep it up!
Kat
Thank you very much! I'm glad I was able to put across what I meant by 'a different kind of happiness'.
This poem is very nice. I like how the character in the poem ignores the voice and walks away. It's definitely something I would have done. The title fits very well too. This is a poem relatable to pretty much everyone, both in literal and figurative ways.
Thank you very much
It is very rainy here too - raining all day long! Do you live in FL?
No, it's a poem I'd written a few months ago... So it doesn't apply to the current weather.
ah okay.