To you who’ve found us in a dream:
we hear you hide your thoughts that
our leaves of silent lines
and our trembling petals
seem to have emerged without a cause.
When, in doubt, you ask at last
we’ll say “we found them in the dark”;
that eye’s blink of a space
where dusk disappears into dawn;
that emptiness, almost complete,
of all-consuming sleep.
— Of countless subtle returns
since it first gave way to our start;
cradled within the dirt
the shoots still briefly coiled
the roots beneath the soil
(in their casket from the birth.)
To you who ask more: “Never mind
the time we spent outside of time.”
Even such deepest darks can’t last:
come morn’, for the rain’s fall, we’ll rise;
for soft winters in April melt, into
the widening dawn we’ll dive
our eager stems unfolding, spreading
slowly in the summer sun.
When, in its violent rise,
terror tears awake the night
our calm few words serve to remind;
“Come, leave that endless death behind.”
Come learn to come alive, to find,
to live the living life, which,
while it stays, burns through our days, and
while it will, leaves death to lie.
— To lie as we once lay, dormant
yet still long in wait
for something kind and sane to
someday teach us what to say:
Which was, in gentle sighs, to
tell you each time you survive
and every time you fold and cry:
“We’ve found you in the dark, but never mind
the time you’ve spent outside of time.
Come, leave your endless death behind.”
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141,617 Literary Works • 675,172 Reviews
Hey there Niebla. It's me, not bird nor plane nor frog, just little old Underdog. Just kidding it's lizzy stopping by for a review. I couldn't resist telling that joke so without further ado, let the reviewing begin.
I think another reviewer mentioned it but your title is what drew me to the poem. I only had a slight understanding of the meaning and that I had obtained from the description. I am glad that you did include a definition otherwise, I think the poem would have been a bit confusing. People would be wondering why would they name their poem and most likely be guessing at incorrect definitions.
I don't write reviews like this often, but I really can not find anything. I know that I am not the best authority on grammar and spelling but I didn't see anything except for one point.
"To you who’ve found us in a dream:
we hear you hide your thoughts that
our leaves of silent lines
and our trembling petals
seem to have emerged without a cause."
I know some poets use commas, some do not. To me, as a person who does not often wrote poetry, the feeling of the poem makes me think of a need for commas. I maybe wrong and O guess it is just the style of the poem.
Alright, I don't have anything else. I know this review was a bit short but I couldn't really find any mistakes to point out.
Happy Review Day!
-lizzy
Wow. I do not know how to review this. Honestly, it is amazing, and the only thing that I ask myself is how did I find a poem as great as this in the Green Room? I would like to congratulate you very much on this, because it is actually one of the best pieces of poetry that I have read here in Young Writer's Society. Bravo.
The title is what first caught my attention. First of all, because I had no idea what Nyctinastic meant, and second of all, it seemed like a mysterious poem with a deep message to it. After having read the poem, I can tell you that it did not disappoint.
Great opening line, you have successfully and quickly hooked my attention and now I am all ears.
I was then going to quote you on this:
to tell you it was my favorite part of the poem, but honestly, all the poem is very good.
Also, the last three verses, because of what they say and the way they are written, but also because you are repeating them from another part of the poem, are very efficient and leave the reader satisfied with the poem, but also wondering more about it.
There is only one little mistake that I found, and it lies here:
The way you wrote this, it is the same as saying that you are asking when, in a doubtful way. However, I think you meant to say When in doubt, so there is no comma needed after when.
Otherwise, I see no mistakes, only a beautifully done poem. Congratulations once again. I look forward to seeing more by you, keep on writing!