The world, they said, was racing forward fast,
Yet under shining screens, the darkness grew —
Oceans rose, the forests gasped their last,
Fields turned to dust where golden harvests blew.
The skies grew heavy, scorched with fire and pain,
The rivers wept, the mountains lost their crown.
A single crack became a roaring train,
A thousand ills that dragged the strongest down.
The farmer’s fields lay barren under sky,
The rich and poor alike felt hunger’s sting.
A child cried out — a mother’s hopeless sigh —
As food grew rare, and winter lost its spring.
The wild ones fell in silence, unheard cries,
As steel replaced the green, and earth grew dry.
The giants formed their councils, firm and wise,
Their plans stretched far — but time was rushing by.
We gathered what we had — a smile, a song,
A coin, a meal, a shoulder for the rain.
We knew that even small could right the wrong,
That tiny acts could ease a giant's pain.
We fed the hungry, clothed the shivering child,
We cradled orphaned hopes with gentle care.
We stood for speechless beasts, the lost and wild,
And fought for every right that was not there.
A family of dreamers, fierce and free,
We built our bridges with unyielding hands.
No throne, no title — only unity,
A thousand hearts that lit a thousand lands.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This is so awesome! I really love it (especially as a Tolkien fan, which, if you know his works and themes, you'll know why). So let me get into a few more specific details.
First off, it appears you've used a consistent rhyme scheme. Unrhymed poetry has its place, but sometimes I also feel like it's a lower-effort form. That's not to belittle unrhymed poetry (I've written some myself), but I do appreciate a good rhyme scheme. I can see a lot of talent and/or effort have gone into the creation of this poem. You have a pretty good rhythm, too. That goes a long way in poetry.
Your imagery is great! Especially at the beginning, the visual representations, the comparisons, metaphors, personifications, etc., all work together to paint a vivid picture. Before you ever get around to mentioning people in a specific way, the other elements evoke a distinct emotional landscape.
I love the themes that come through clearly here. You've really brought out the significance of the way even the tiniest, seemingly most insignificant efforts can make such a difference. It comes through strongly in lines like "We knew that even small could right the wrong/ The tiny acts could ease a giant's pain." Also, by saying "a family of dreamers," you solidify the concept of community among those who are still holding on, whether they're literally related by blood or not.
There is so much about this poem I love, but one of my favorite lines is probably the phrase, "and winter lost its spring." That little phrase in itself shows all the hopelessness, all the desolation, all the bleakness of the setting.
Honestly, with zero exaggeration, this is literally one of the best works I've seen on here. I really appreciate you sharing this, and I hope to see more of your works! Keep it up!
Thank you so much for your detailed analysis and appreciation! This is my first work that I posted on a large-scale platform and yours is the first review I got. This much detail and appreciation seriously boosts my enthusiasm and dedication to write more!
Also, actually, writing poems with a fixed rhyming pattern is my style because I feel unsatisfied when writing a my own poen with no rhyme or rhythm. Not to depreciate non-rhyming poems, I have read great poems in the literary history with no fixed rhyming patterns, but sometimes I also feel like non-rhyming poems are kind of poems with less effort.
I am really happy that I could bring out my ideas the intended themes successfully. That was what I wanted as wel.
Hi Nethmi! I'm here for a quick review!
First off, this is a really lovely poem. The emphasis on unity and common experiences, both of pain and hope are really beautiful. You did a great job showing how vast the destruction was as well as how many different environments and people it affected. That really sets up the idea that collective problems require collective solutions which is explored towards the end.
Correct me if this was not your intention, but a big theme I came out of this piece thinking about was the importance/effectiveness of communal action vs governmental action. I thought of the giants as countries or institutions which despite having large amounts of resources and influence, couldn't undermine the necessity for direct communal support and action. The heart and humanity of those smaller actions were what really helped, not governments or rulers. It was a social change, not a political one. I really like this discussion and think it's relevant to nearly all modern political/social discussions.
My only real suggestion would be to think about the literal structure of your poem on the page. I've personally found that using stanzas (poetry paragraphs) and messing around with where lines split can really enhanced the readers experience and help them read the work in the same way you meant to write it. I usually try to structure my poems in a way which helps the reader naturally take on the same inclination when reading that I would. So if you try reading your poem out loud, pay attention to where you naturally insert pauses or breaths and use that to inform line breaks. Watch where you want words or phrases to linger for a second and use that to help you find the ends of stanzas. This could also help make the lengths of each line a little more varied, which sometimes helps make it look a bit more interesting on the page.
Overall, wonderful poem and I'm excited to read more of your work in the future!
-emilyrebecca
Hi!! Thank you so much for your detailed review. I genuinely appreciates it.
Actually I did want to emphasize the importance of communal actions against the rising issues in the modern society. But, I truly think that you insight into my poem is greater than what I intended because your large scale analysis is really appreciated. How you interpreted "giants" was not exactly what I symbolized but it is certainly better. if developing countries with these rising issues has the same ideas and a vision as powerful as this, it would be so much better.
Also, I am really grateful for your advice on planning the literal structure of my poems to make them better. I'll try to apply these into my next poems.