Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Horror

12+ Violence

They Are Coming

by Necromancer14


Spiders, creepy-crawly

Ghosts, waiting

Bones, old, decaying

Hands, grasping

Breath, rasping

They are coming.

Wood falling apart

Bats, darkness

Fangs, piercing, bloodless

Ooze, dripping

Rust, spreading

They are coming.

Claws, very sharp

Eyes, glowing

Teeth, white, flashing

Spectral gazing

Insane muttering

They are coming.

Reaching, grabbing

I am running,

The door is in sight

I am in fright

Shadows looming,

They are coming.

There is no escaping,

Doors closing,

Webs, sticky, trapping,

Feet, tapping

Closer, hearing

They are coming.

Darkness, falling,

Longing, despair,

Craving, moaning, snare,

Me they wanting,

I feel the pulsing,

They are coming.

Reaper’s scythe, cleaving

Soul, devoured,

Body, crushed, battered,

Me they want,

Me they need,

They are coming.

They are here.

As they eat me,

I realize the beauty,

Of serving such

A noble cause as

Donating flesh.

They are here.

I die, knowing,

My flesh, digesting,

That I,

Shall join 

them soon.

I am now them.

I want.

I need.

I will have

I must have

Flesh.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 400
Reviews: 4

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 7:11 pm
View Likes
Wynorrific wrote a review...



Hey, Necromancer14 (cool name), I really liked your poem! You created a nice atmosphere and spooky imagery. In the beginning, I got the idea that this wasn't supposed to be a serious poem, but it got progressively darker, which intrigued me. The poem starts off with silly Halloween tropes, and the reader isn't sure whether to take it all seriously; then it transitions into a first-person point of view with the line "I am running." 'Oh', the reader thinks. Now we have the bigger picture. We learn that the narrator is being hunted down by the creepy-crawlies we all joke about. That adds weight to "They are coming".

One thing that struck me wrong was your use of gerunds. I can tell it was intentional, but for me, it just brings down the beautiful flow of the poem. The part "Me they wanting," is grammatically incorrect, and even if the reader doesn't know it is, it stills sounds off. Your grammar doesn't seem to be quite consistent. For most of the poem, you capitalized the first letter at the beginning of every line, but near the end, you said: "Shall join / them soon". I don't see a reason why this is different.

Overall, I enjoyed your poem very much. I think your foremost problem to tackle is the grammar and structure. But that aside, it's just the right amount of creepy without weirding the reader out or relying too much on horrific adjectives. I love it! Keep writing.




User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 15
Reviews: 11

Donate
Fri Apr 24, 2020 12:24 pm
View Likes
diphylleia wrote a review...



Hello Nec ! I wish you are fine;
your poem is particular, I like the repeating of the phrase (They are coming), it made me imagining you announcing your poem in a quite silence, and made me feel terrified from those thoughts.
Remembering myself when I was into those dark feelings is like remembering a dream. whatever, I am sure that you are strong, and that you will get off from those feelings and that you become better. We don't know the value of the light till we experience the dark, it's a necessary part in our short lives.
Generally, I like your writing and the strong words that you used. I am waiting for your next work beautiful mind :))






Thanks for the review!



User avatar
33 Reviews


Points: 544
Reviews: 33

Donate
Fri Apr 24, 2020 12:41 am
View Likes
shayspeare wrote a review...



Hello.

I enjoyed your poem. It was very creepy, if that's what you were aiming for.

The creepy tone is first set off with all of the gerunds you use. The short rhythm makes it perfect and sets the correct tone.

But let's get down to business:

This poem uses commas incorrectly. You can use them incorrectly, but maybe try experimenting with other punctuation too.

Also there's no sentence structure until the very end. I get the point, but unless you're using it as a device of how the speaker feels, which is usually no self-worth, then there isn't a point to not have sentence structure at least in its most basic form. Subject. Verb. Rest of the sentence.

I hoped this helped.






Thanks for the review!



User avatar
47 Reviews


Points: 21
Reviews: 47

Donate
Thu Apr 23, 2020 9:58 pm
View Likes
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



Hello! I have come to review your poem today! I absolutely love how creepy and dark this poem is! It gives off a silly yet creepy Halloween vibe that isn't meant to be super dark or deep but rather in a sense, innocent Halloween fun, and I adore that! I love the simple yet descriptive details, it has the right adjectives to use one or two words to describe what you want to say but not too much and too little and keeps it simple and fast-paced. I love how the pace is kept up as the character is seemingly running away but towards the end when they're caught they slow down, this is reflected in the end as they become the monster they were running away from. The poem also has a very nice flow and an interesting rhyme scheme of rhyming at some points but also not, but rhyming at the same time. Its a very fun, silly, yet somewhat disturbing and simple poem that has lots of fun and seemingly Halloween fun in it!






Thanks for the review!




Mudwesterner
— BlueAfrica