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To Tell Tale Love

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Hey, Myers here with a new poem, it is actually not complete yet, but the its length felt good enough to be published.

 I was once an idol,

Worshiped by no one, but himself,

Stubborn, like a carving on a stone,

Held together, barely, by dying rocks,

In a garden that never saw past an autumn,

An idol that lived even soulless, 

Filled with nothing, but an immortal ignorance, 

Of mortal's desire; to love, 

Unmoved of worldly emotions, 

And blind towards the beauty's truth,

Time tells tales of a mortal being, 

Bestowed upon whom a beauty, 

That nulled all those myths,

Told of a curse no one possessed, 

But her highness; a goddess queen,

Her sea green eyes could heal every soul,

Stun every nerve with a stare stone cold, 

Even Medusa couldn't bring time to a still, 

But where she'd pass from, it wouldn't move, 

Many a heart-beats skipped- put on hold.

And it happened, on one fortunate, beautiful, needless day, 

Paths crossed, eyes met and a heart longed that, 

Time surrendered for this very moment, 

As though all of universe had come to a still, 

A blissful ignorance; a split there was, the first of many,

Immersing in her graceful aura, 

He found himself in a soliloquy, 

And eyes bent down in a willful submission, 

A desert an autumn, an autumn a spring, 

Many a seasons passed by- just in a still, 

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
TBird Review
TBird wrote a review · Sat May 12, 2018 10:59 pm

Okay, I just want to start off by saying this is my first review and I'm very excited. So first of, your use of language was beautiful. That Medusa allusion was very cool and I love the lines "Immersing in her graceful aura, He found himself in a soliloquy"-just beautiful. The only thing I would suggest is that the last eight lines seemed really important, and they could have more of a visual emphasis. I have a poem that I posted and in it, I put the last few lines on

separate

lines

like

this

so you are focusing on these lines
That's about it, and thank you so much for sharing your work. I really enjoyed reading it.

thank you so much for the review, actually the poem is divided in to 5 stanzas and every stanza has 5 lines, i was not able to format it here like that.

well, nevermind then, it's just fine. happy writing!

User avatar
tigeraye
Review

A pretty unique and interesting poem. Your use of the language is vivid and I think this poem is quite complete as it is. It's a masterpiece audibly, everything flows together when read aloud and there's quite a bit of emotion that can be felt.

However, it's not quite there visually. My only suggestion is because it's so long to play around with form, divide more of the poems into stanzas and go from there. It helps if you just upload a screenshot from a word document since this website doesn't have a good editor for formatting poetry.

Ah, yeah, I tried doing so, but couldn't, the poem is actually divided into five lines stanzas, Thank you for the review and for the tips, it'll help a lot from now on.

User avatar
EverLight
Review

Please feel free to ignore my advice it is not meant to offend you hurt you or make your poem seem bad or demean it, regadless brace yourself for impact. That said . . .

1. What I liked
Wow . . . .I loved how deep this was. It was mezmorizing almost. I felt like I was drowning. I liked that . . .

2. Flow & Style
About the only thing I have against this is your ending.
Your ending:
- Myers

-A work in progress.
was little sudden I think. It wasn't needed. You could take that out and leave the just still part, or you could do something else.

3. Encouragement
Once again-well done! This was beautiful. Keep up that work.

4. Overall
Overall I think a little smile will say what I thought of this overall :)

Thank you so much Katnes :) the poem has not yet ended, I feel like it should go on, it feels incomplete to me, Myers is actually the pen name I use, and it got copy pasted from notpad.

Ah I see, that explains alot. Your welcome



There has never been a sadness not cured by breakfast food.
— Ron, Parks & Rec