I will love you till my last breath,
My feelings won't ever change,
Whether you are near or far apart,
I will feel the same.
You promised me too,
But the circumstances have changed,
You ought not to talk to me,
But I will pray,
For you to be back and live with me again.
I don't know what you think about me now,
But wishing that the time will change,
And you will give me one turn again!
Maybe you have that love in your heart too,
But you won't ever say,
To give me a life,
That I'm pleading since you went away!
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey, yo, Muskan! Stranger here on this wonderful Thursday and I have a review for you!
Alright, so, I don't like poems that much. Don't let that discourage you, whether I'm honest or not. I'm not going to give you praise where it isn't well deserved. That being said, I wasn't a fan of this. I found the topic to be extremely bland and uninteresting. The delivery could have been so much better, and that this didn't do much to gather the reader's interest. Let's jump into this, shall we?
Periods exist too. There are way too much commas throughout this whole poem, to the point where it's near comical to be completely honest. It sounds like you want to capture a deep emotion, that you want to capture love, but instead of having a smooth delivery, you write it in such a cheesy and grand way it's ridiculous. The fact that you have me laughing is a thing you should work on. Make it much more formal.
Considering you never made a promise in the poem, this line isn't necessary.
Either I'm stupid or this line just doesn't make sense.
The ending is actually the weakest part of the poem. Like I said before, it's cheesy. The exclamation points emphasizes "one sided love" and "hope" so much that it lacks any real seriousness. There is nothing new on the table, you provide no variation at all, and this isn't strong. What you need to do is try to break from the simple techniques that we've seen in poems written in five minutes, and just create something that isn't bland, that isn't boring. Create something with substance.
Keep writing, and stay groovy.
hy Stranger,
Thanks for the review. And frankly I never got such critique on this poem of mine ever. Everyone appreciated it always. But okay, maybe this is your perspective. And I'll ponder upon this. And by the way, I must say you think a little too much!
Thank you.
I think a little too much?
Yeah, u do..
You could have just not bring that up. I mean, it sounds like you're digging at me because I left an honest review. Huh.
I appreciate that sir. But to be honest, I found your reviews on many of the pieces like so demotivating. So i told ya. No offence meant! And thank you again.
They're not purposefully demotivating, and I have been told many times. Bye.
Hi
I'm here to give you a review.
First off I have to say this poem captures all the emotions perfectly. The sense of despair is evident in the way the poem is written and you managed to bring it out by the use of diction.
The ideas are clear and they flow from one stanza to another perfectly which make it a truly wonderful piece to read.
I cant seem to find anything wrong or that needs improving so good job!
keep writing!
~RS
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much!