I hide myself away from you; I don't ever want you to see, who I am, the ugly truth, of what I do and what I can be. If I showed you my heart, what was hidden there; would we be torn apart? Would you even care? Sometimes I wish we'd never met, because I hate the fear, of not knowing what comes next, and of feeling insecure. Every time you look at me, I fear that you will see, the truth of what's inside of me, of the evil down below. If you even want this to last, you have to slowly learn, Because when things go to fast, they tend to crash and burn.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This is a nice poem but what I like is that that this is more about expression than poetry itself. Your disregard for a strict rhyming scheme was oddly something I liked it displays that you are not concerned for critics that you are writing for yourself but that you still have capability to manipulate words when desired.
Dealing with a universal topic like you chose can be both a blessing and a curse but i feel you tackled the topic well.
keep writing x
Hey! EverWinter here for a review!
) Anyways, I was impressed by that.
I really related to this poem. I'm glad you wrote it, because there are so many people that will read it and feel like their problem was put into words.
I don't know why, but I am always really impressed when people can use semi colons properly. (Maybe it's because of my eleven years of public schooling
You use a lot of rhetorical questions in your poem. Some people may not like that, but I felt like it aided your poem. It showed the uncertainty and the fear of the narrator. If you felt like editing it again, I would suggest putting them in a pattern. It makes the poem a little more structured (not that yours isn't structured). So like statement, statement, question. Or something like that.
Anyways, I liked your poem. It was the perfect length, and it is really relatable. I guess everyone has a touch of fear mixed in with love. They just don't want to disappoint.
Have a great New Years,
Ever