The three fairies that loved and cared for me,
But then suddenly turned my world around.
Yet they softened the curse that was to be
That placed my splintered heart into the ground.
A sleep like death, awakened by a kiss.
To find true love on my sixteenth birthday.
To be awakened with my prince in bliss.
The moment my heart will fly on that day.
When I touch the spinning wheel at sunset,
I know I will fall into a deep sleep.
Nothing they can do, even if they tried.
A witch’s curse that she will want to keep.
I will do and fall into a deep slumber
Even though I will go through such pain,
My kingdom will no longer be in vain
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Morgan,
This is really good! It really feels like I'm being put into the world of Sleeping Beauty in my mind... and the emotion conveyed from the eyes of this character was strong too. The rhymes were nicely done... and each line flowed to the next.
The only thing I would cut is the word "that" from the first line because, with that word, the sentence doesn't make sense as it's combined with the second line. That's pretty much all I saw... anything else was probably pointed out below.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this!
Thank you soo much, and welcome to YWS!!!!!!!
Hello there Morgan!
This is Kostia dropping by for a review on your poem since it is still review day! You will have to forgive any spelling errors since I am doing this from my phone and autocorrect messes with me sometimes
This is actually pretty good. I liked the fantasy- fairytale mood combined with the dramatic and emotional element!
I will make some general comments regarding structural aspects.
Structure:
So I believe this has a solid structure, couldnt be better! Since this is a sonnet it doesn't need to have stanzas.
Your rhyming started off pretty good and strong, however in the last verses you kind of lost it.
For instance:
"I know I will fall into a deep sleep.
Nothing they can do, even if they tried.
A witch’s curse that she will want to keep.
I will do and fall into a deep slumber
Even though I will go through such pain,
My kingdom will no longer be in vain"
Here "tried" and "slumber" do not rhyme with anything.
Moreover in the last two lines you used verse to verse rhymes which doesn't agree with the rest of the poem. Although that didn't bother me so much. You could edit it but you certainly don't have to.
Vocabulary and phrasing:
Your vocabulary is super great. I really liked your choice of words. Beautiful and simple, keep it up! Great work here.
Grammar and spelling:
So I didn't notice anything here but I would suggest you to reread in order to be sure. I am not really good with spelling.
Content:
The content of this is really good and the background story is well known to all. I believe it was a really smart thing to do, take a fairytale and turn the most important parts into a sonnet! Brilliantly composed! Well done!
Keep up the good work!
Best regards
Kostia
Thank you for the review. This was a poem that I written last year for a class assignment. I had to do it with a group of other kids so. . .they kinda chose the words and stuff. I just helped with the rhythm and rereading it so that we wouldn%u2019t get a terrible grade on it
This is amazing. This all reminds me of the Sleeping Beauty movie itself. If your poem was based on Sleeping Beauty that you did a good job, in fact a great job, making this poem. Now I would suggest at the end of your poem you put a period at the end of your last line.
That said, I felt like some of the periods in your poem where it supposed to go with the Lines. Maybe, if your OCD says that you have to put something after the lines then put some commas there instead.
(FYI, OCD is like when you really have to do something even though you're not supposed to do it, or even though you don't have to do it)
Anyway, great job. I can't wait to read more from you.
Thank you for the review and I%u2019m pleased to hear that you enjoyed this poem!!!
This was awesome! It made sense, rhymed, and was good. It flowed but wasn't too flowey, if that makes sense. Keep up the good work. I really don't have any suggestions other than:
A sleep like death, awakened by a kiss.
To find true love on my sixteenth birthday.
To be awakened with my prince in bliss.
To be honest, that sounds like the back of an action book.
WILL SLEEPING BEAUTY FIND HER TRUE LOVE ON HER SWEET SIXTEENTH?
TO BE AWAKENED?
A PRINCE'S BLISS???
I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.
Overall: Keep up the good work!
Your friend,
Jade
Lol..thank you. I%u2019m glad that You liked it.