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Retaliating. Prologue

by Morgan


I walk to school with my shoulders drooped and my head low and a hoodie over my head. I try not to meet people’s eyes as they stare at me because of my bruised eye.  Some stare in concern and some in mockery. I feel embarrassed and humiliated to be out in public. I can feel my eyes swell up as tears begin to form. I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want to be home either.

I bite my lip as dark memories flash in my mind. 

That very morning, I woke up to pounding on my door. I try not to surrender to my cowardliness, but it’s true fear that makes me stand up and head to the door to open it. Suddenly, a hand shoves me back and I fall on my behind. I scamper away from the door, but a hand grabs my hair and I feel my neck strain as my head thrusts back. I yelp in pain, but I am ignored.

The stranger does not care.

I fight back. I scratch and kick, but I am  helpless as an animal in a lion’s teeth. I cry as screams of anguish fills my room. I know what is supposed to happen next. It is routine. It is torture.

He drags me to the bed, and I scream, “No. Please, no!” My face is drenched in tears.

He smirks at me. His eyes are red and his foul breath smells of liquor. “Either you or your mother.” He growls, as he throws me on the bed. He crawls towards me and I kick him in the face. He holds me down and I sob because I know my scrawny body would have no chance against him.

He takes off his shirt and leans in, cackling. 

I close my eyes.

Then darkness encloses me


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39 Reviews


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Sat May 18, 2019 1:07 am
queenofscience says...



Hi. This is all very interesting. I instantly feel sorry for her. Maby I feel this way because I have been abused. I hope everything turns out ok for her. This was all well writen.

PS. Does anyone want to check out my story. I posed it a while ago, but took it down. It's about a sweet birdgirl who has a chronic illness, who gets enlarged by a shrink/growth ray.




Morgan says...


Hi. Morgan here. Thank you for the comment and I AM REALLY SORRY FOR YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! No one should EVER be hurt like that. Anyway, I%u2019ll definitely check out your story. Tag me if you can.



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Sat May 18, 2019 1:06 am
queenofscience wrote a review...



Hi. This is all very interesting. I instantly feel sorry for her. Maby I feel this way because I have been abused. I hope everything turns out ok for her. This was all well writen.

PS. Does anyone want to check out my story. I posed it a while ago, but took it down. It's about a sweet birdgirl who has a chronic illness, who gets enlarged by a shrink/growth ray.




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Fri May 17, 2019 4:33 pm
Miraculor77 wrote a review...



Hi!
Mira here for a review.

This is a good prologue; I like how the main character's memories make up most of the chapter. It's very well written, so I'm going to get very nitpicky here. Of course, feel free to completely disregard any or all of my suggestions if you feel they are unhelpful.

I walk to school with my shoulders drooped and my head low and a hoodie over my head.

Here, I would use the word "hunched" instead of "drooped" because the word drooped gives the feeling of...something wilted. "Hunched" makes it sound as though she is trying to protect herself from the world around her.
I walk to school with my shoulders hunched and my head low...

That very morning, I woke up to pounding on my door.


The word "that" makes it seem as though the incident was from another day. If it was, you should leave it be. If it was from the same morning, you should use the word "this" instead.
This very morning, I woke up to pounding on my door.

I didn't find anything to make suggestions on for the rest of the prologue, so good job!
I'll definitely be reading the rest of this story when I find the time.

Keep writing,
Miraculor77




Morgan says...


Thank you for the review. I really appreciate it!!!! :)



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Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:03 pm
Honora wrote a review...



Hey Morgan! I'm not gonna lie, this intrigued me and I am very interested to see where you go with it. (I am almost glad I am reviewing this late because there is now a Chapter 1 out there for me to read ;)) The only thing I would like to point out is that right before she (I am assuming this is a girl) goes into the memory, you make it seem like she is thinking of something that happened to her a while ago. I think if you moved "That very morning" into the sentence before, it will clear it up a bit. That just confused me so I had to reread and as a writer, I know that is one thing I want to avoid. Other than that, it was really good! :D Good job!
Your friend,
Honora




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Tue Mar 12, 2019 5:12 am
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hi Morgan!

This really intrigued me. I have more questions, but I think that's good because it really makes me want to read more. Who is this stranger? What's going on? What happened to her (her? I'm assuming it's a girl, but maybe not)? I like how not all the information is given - just enough to keep my on the edge of my seat. You did a really good job at captivating me!

There are a few things I want to point out:
- Why is she (again, just going to assume they're a girl) going to school the same morning this happened to her? I feel like we're missing a little something here. I do like how some questions are left unanswered, but I feel like at some parts in the prologue that the ideas weren't developed enough. I'm just left feeling a liiitle lost and confused.

- I think the first scene could be a little more gripping! The rest of the prologue was very captivating, but that first scene made me think, "huh, wonder what happened" when I wish it made me think, "omg, what happened?! Yikes! I need to find out why she's feeling this way". My suggestion is to expand upon her feelings. For example:

I feel embarrassed and humiliated to be out in public.


This line feels a tad boring. Spice it up! How can we, as readers and observers, tell she is embarassed/humiliated? "I wanted to sink into the ground. I wanted my hoodie to swallow me whole. People's eyes burned holes into my body, and I had to avert my eyes to avoid their gaze." Things like that! (Basically, "show don't tell").

I really have to know what's going on, though. I'm too curious. I also do feel really bad for her; the flashback was really intense and the descriptions of her weak body against his strong one made my heart break.

I hope this helps you out! If you post chapter 1, I'd love to read it! Any questions, let me know. ^-^

~ EternalRain




Morgan says...


Thank you for the review. I promise that I will answer more of those questions when I get to chapter 1.



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Tue Mar 12, 2019 2:53 am
JadeLotus says...



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Sorry. But that's what I'm thinking right now. My heart is beating so fast! I really want to read more of this!
I give this a nine out of ten and I hope you do write more.
Your friend,
Jade




Morgan says...


*laughing* oh thank you. I%u2019m glad that you like it. I assure you that there will be more. :) I%u2019m just working on it.



JadeLotus says...


Yay!



Morgan says...


Lol



JadeLotus says...


Can you tag me when part two comes out?



Morgan says...


Deffinetely!



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Tue Mar 12, 2019 2:25 am
tinybookfarie wrote a review...



Hi... Morgan. Tinybookfarie here for a review.

I can’t wait to see where you go with this. This is really intriguing and I hope you introduce the main character, “stranger” of whoever that guy is, and the plot to the readers. This seems like it would be a really good story and I honestly hope that the ending ends where the guy ends up in jail.

Lol. XD

I really liked this and I think you did a great job here. Especially on catching my attention. Can’t wait to see where you go with this.

Your friend- Tinybookfaire.




Morgan says...


Thank you. You see, I was kinda scared when I submitted this in, but I%u2019m so thankful that you like it. There will be more...i promise.




Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.
— Matthew 12:25