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Retaliating. Chapter Two

by Morgan


See you around.” The boy calls after me as he waves goodbye. I flash him a smile and wave back, but I don’t say much of anything as I turn away and head home, shivering in the pouring rain. I can’t seem to stop thinking about the boy, the fight, the men, and the way I felt as the boy and I stared at each other. Who was he? Where did he come from and who were those men? Why did they try to hurt him? All theses questions began to form in my head, and I didn’t have an answer for any of them. I kept glancing behind me because I kept thinking that those men would be after me too. Just the thought ofthem made me almost want to cry again.

I can still picture the way the man was holding me down. Against him, I was weak. I felt vulnerable. The feeling of being helpless was something that I was beginning to dislike more and more. It seems like I was impotent to everything, and I hate it, but then I realize that I can never escape my prison.

After about fifteen minutes, I reach my house. I stand outside of my of it, contemplating if I should go in. I am being drenched in the rain, and I am cold, but there is a part of me that does not want to go inside and that part is fear.

You’ll have to go in sooner or later. Face your fear, I think to myself. I bite my lip as I take step by step towards the house. I unlock the door quietly as possible, and I step inside. I can’t help feeling disgusted already. I turn around and I see my mother lying on the couch in a robe. She doesn’t look well whatsoever. Her hair is messy and she wears no makeup. She is dazed and stares at the television like she’s in an enchanted spell. I smell the familiar stench of liquor, and with concern I sit down next to her. “Mom?” I place a hand on her shoulder.

She turns her head towards me, slowly. Her eyes are blotched red and there are tears falling down the sides of her face. “Bella? Is that you, my dear?” She asks, grinning.

I stand up, horrified. “You’re drunk!” I say, my heart breaking.

My mother cries and holds her hands out to me. “I’m so sorry, Bella. But I have no choice –“

“YES YOU DO!” I shout as I push her away, trembling. “Break up with him!”

She shakes her head. “Bella, you know I can’t –“

“Yes, you can. You just don’t want to.” I interrupt her. I turn away and I rush to my room without a glance towards her. My heart breaks with every step and I slam my bedroom door behind me. I scream as I throw myself on my bed, and I stay there for a long time crying my heart out. I close my eyes, and I wait for sleep to overcome me.

It doesn’t. 

Suddenly, the door downstairs slams, and I start to my feet. He’s here, I think with dread. I walk towards my door, and I open it slightly just enough to hear what could go on downstairs. I can hear his stomping footsteps on the tile floor and the keys that he throws on the countertop.

“How was your day, Joel?” My mother asks in a soft and playful voice. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Joel yawns. “Not bad.” He replies and then there are sounds of them kissing. “Hey, where’s Bella?” He asks.

My heart skips a beat at the mention of my name.

“Oh, she’s upstairs.” My mother awnswers. There is a slight sound of guilt in her voice, and for a second I feel contrite about how I shunned her away.

Joel replies, “Really?” And I can imagine him grinning like a villain about to plot an evil plan. I felt sick with apprehension, thinking that he would hurt me. . .again. “What did you do?” He asks, hearing the guilt in her voice as well.

There is silence from mother, but at last she awnsers. “She found me. . .high. She kinda got ticked off and started saying some things.”

“Well, what did she say?”

I breathe unsteadily, realizing that Joel would not like the reply.

“She said that I should break up with you, and stuff like that.” She mumbles.

“What?” Joel snaps. “Well, are you?”

I hold my breath as I wait for what my mother had to say. Part of me knew she would say ‘no’, but I had hopes that she would say ‘yes’.

“Well...” mother grows silent. “Maybe I haven’t been so fair.”

Joel’s voice grows deeper in anger. “Well, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Mother’s voice trembles. “I’m sorry, Joel.”

I gasp in shock. Both relief and happiness over comes me, but it wasn’t over yet.

Joel throws something on the ground, and it crashes with a loud noise. “You don’t get it do you, Anne. I’m the only thing that you have. Without me you are nothing. So take it back now!” He yells with anger.

Mother replies with a stern voice. “No.”

That is when Joel screams in fury. I can hear him grabbing her, and her screaming. I bite my lip in horror and I close the door to block the sounds. Then I hear a crash, I open the door again with fear and worry. What was he doing to her? I race downstairs and I see him with his belt in his hand. MY mother shudders in the corner, sobbing. He wipes her again and again, and  tears of anger flow down my cheek. My vision gets blurry and all I see is red.

Joel laughs.

My mother screams in agony.

I tremble and shake with anger.

“Stop!” I wail as I throw a vase of flowers at his head. Joel scampers away in shock. I kneel down next my mother. Her forehead is bleeding and her face is stained with tears. I shake and I can’t seem to control the overwhelming anger inside of me. I throw peices of glass at him, not even caring if they were big enough to actually hurt him, to make him bleed like the way he did to my mother. “She’s my mother.” I scream. “Don’t you ever touch her again.”

Joel steps closer and with his belt, he hits me hard in the face with it. I shout out in pain as I feel the stinging on my cheek. I am weak, my vision is blurry, and I am too late. I see a dark object in Joel’s hands and he points to my mother. It was not until I realized that I was too late, that I learned it was a gun.

I scream and I reach out to my mother.

BANG, BANG, BANG!

Three loud gun shouts go off, and I scream louder than I could ever before. “Nooooo!” I wail in agony as I stare at my mother’s lifeless body in a pool of blood. I don’t know what else to think, except that I’m next.

Joel turns to me with no expression. He raises the gun, and I close my eyes. Ready for my life to end too. He pulls the trigger.

BANG, BANG, BANG.

I wince, waiting for the pain, but I don’t feel a thing. Confused, I open my eyes to see Joel ducking and scampering away. The guns shots were coming from behind me. I turn around in shock and I see the boy with a gun in his hand! He keeps shooting at Joel and steps closer to me. He holds out his hand. “Come on!” he shouts.

I don’t take his hand, but I run outside the door. My heart is pounding and I’m dizzy with questions. What was the boy doing here? I see a gray Subaru parked outside the driveway, and I figure its his. I look behind me, and I see the boy running after me. “Get in.” He didn’t need to tell me twice. 

I get inside the car, and the boy starts the car. He backs out the driveway, and steps on the brakes as  we drive away down the neighborhood street. I glance at the rear view mirror to see if Joel was following us, but there is no sign of him. I breathe a sigh of relief, but now I had to deal with the idea that I was in a car with a total stranger.

For a while, we are riding in silence. None of us talk to each other, but it is I who suddenly breaks the quiet. “Okay, who the hell are you?” I ask the boy, looking at him.

The boy shakes his head, not leaving his eyes from the road. “I’m not sure I can tell you that.”

I look at him confusion. “Oh, so what. Are you like the FBI or something? A spy ‘cause, there is no way that you could’ve known I was about to get shot in the head.”

The boy just laughs, and I scowl at him. “You’re right. There is no way I could’ve known. I was going to a party at my friends who happens to live in the same street as you. I heard gun shots, and that was when I took action.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “Oh sure. Okay then, what about those men at the park? How do you explain that?”

The boy glances at me. “Oh them? They’re some old friends who I happened to get on the wrong side of. I made a deal with them, and I didn’t fulfill my side of the bargain.”

I shake my head as I look out the window, not eniterly believing them. He’s hiding something, I think with suspicion as I glance at him. We ride in silence once more and I take the time to recollect my thoughts. Images of my mother’s lifeless body flashes in my mind and I feel like crying again, but I don’t. Not in front of the boy. 

As if he was reading my thoughts, the boy speaks softly, “Look, you were just in a wrong time at the wrong place and –“

I look at him in disbelief. “Don’t even.” I bark at him. “My mother just go murdered in fron it my eyes. Don’t talk about wrong times at the wrong places.”

The boy grows quiet. “You’re right. I’m sorry. You did what you could, Bella.”

I bite my lip. “I did what I – “ Suddenly, I stop. His last words reply in my head.  Bella. Oh my gosh, he just said Bella, I realize. “Excuse, did you just say Bella? How. . .do you know my name?”

The boy grows stiff. He pauses and he glances at me with a straight face. He breaths, “Bella, we need to talk.”

I clench my jaw and I grow silent. 

* * So there you have it. The main character is Bella and yes, she is a ‘she’. Her mom has a physcotic boyfriend who is a. . . Wait, never mind. I musnt’ spill that part to you guys. You’ll learn who he is in the next chapter and if you go on my wall, you’ll see this picture of a strange looking creature. Little HINT: she’s part of the story. 

So that’s all I have for you guys. I hope you guys liked this, and I can’t wait to see what you guys think. PEACE! * * 


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User avatar
122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

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Sat Mar 30, 2019 12:27 am
Anma wrote a review...



Hello Morgan!

I love this peace of work!
I hope that you'll keep writing it!

Its soooooo interesting and cool, i can tell you that for sure!

It caught my attention very easily and honestly i was disappointed at the end.
You really got me on a cliff hanger, so i sure would love to review your next chapter as well.

It has a nice flow to it, and its mostly organized. I just have to say the beginning was kind of a slip. You started it with just a fast little walk home, see mom, go to room. Try not to do that, i know its kind of hard cause you really want to get to the good part.
( I mean i do it all the time lol) But just try not to Okay!

There is a few grammar mistakes and punctuation but there not so big that they effect the story much.

One thing I would do is read it out loud to yourself and make sure what it says makes sense. I caught myself a few times when i was confused of what you were trying to say.

But either than that its great!

I hope to read more!!

Sincerely Anma




Morgan says...


Thank you for the review, and I%u2019m working on the next. chapter very soon. I%u2019m glad that you caught all my mistakes as well.



Anma says...


No problem Morgan ;)



User avatar
126 Reviews


Points: 7270
Reviews: 126

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Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:55 pm
xJade wrote a review...



HI! You may call me Professor Jade and I will be giving you a complete and honest view of my thoughts on our work. I enjoy your writing and I appreciate when you review my work so I'm here to return the favor. Let's just begin.

WARNING: I'm going to be going through this line by line practically, so chances are this is going to be long. I'll help you as much as I can. Also, I'm awful at explaining, so if it sounds like I'm a bonkers professor, TELL ME PLEASE!


PARAGRAPH ONE:

See you around.” The boy calls after me as he waves goodbye. I flash him a smile and wave back, but I don’t say much of anything as I turn away and head home, shivering in the pouring rain. I can’t seem to stop thinking about the boy, the fight, the men, and the way I felt as the boy and I stared at each other. Who was he? Where did he come from and who were those men? Why did they try to hurt him? All theses questions began to from in my head, and I didn’t have an answer for any of them. I kept glancing behind me because I kept thinking that those men would be after me too. Just the thought ofthem made me almost want to cry again.

'But I don't say much of anything' seems to be an unnecessary statement, seeing as you said nothing and would have been narrated anyways. Also, what is ofthem. I think you made a spelling mistake but I won't count that against you, everyone makes them.
Also, the paragraph is a bit long. Maybe spread it out so you don't lose the reader's interest. Trust me, when I see long paragraph I get sleepy. That's why long paragraphs are in textbooks, not awesome action books like this!

THIRD PARAGRAPH:
After about fifteen minutes, I reach my house. I stand outside of my of it, contemplating if I should go in. I am being drenched in the rain, and I am cold, but there is a part of that does not want to go inside and that part is fear.

'And that part is fear' is just telling us instead of showing us. I promise I'm not trying to write your book for you, and please feel free to disregard this, but I would've put it more like:

After a short while, I reach my (small) house. I stand outside it, building the courage to go in. I'm freezing, drenched in rain, and I'm shaking. But a part of me doesn't want to go inside. The thought makes my teeth chatter harder and goose bumps appear that have nothing to do with fear.

It doens’t.

A) I see what you're trying to do, but DO NOT EVER put it alone as a paragraph. Bold it, put it in quotes, just make sure it's part of a longer paragraph. Please!

B) See any spelling mistakes?

C) I do applaud you on this artistic creativity.

OVERALL:
I'm sorry this was so short, I'm super busy but I love this series and I wanted to review it. I'm not trying to be harsh and I hope this helps. I rate this a six out of ten but I really want to see more of it. Good luck and keep up the awesomeness!
-Professor Jade




Morgan says...


Thank you professor Jade... I am thankful for your opinions and reviews. You did wonderful on your review and I%u2019ll take your corrections to heart.
- Student, Morgan




"Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein