It starts out as a quiet tremor. The ground starts humming, slow and steady at first. Sweat perspires on my forehead; I can only concentrate on the sound. The motion and corresponding sound is constant, like the steady beat of a drum. Then, all of a sudden, I feel myself being lifted up. Pushed up, up, and up, by the jagged concrete. I could keep going forever. Then the shaking and spinning gets faster. My body is thrown across the dirty pavement like a rag doll. I count how many times I fall: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. But I feel no pain. There is blood on my elbows and knees, but all I can feel is the motion: the seasickness. A fear grips me: the ground below my feet is gone, and I will fall, down, down, and down.
And then I wake up.
January 17, 2023
Entry 1
Parent's night is tonight. I usually disregard it because, let's be honest, it's boring. And just the idea of my mom and dad sifting through my poorly marked papers makes me cringe. But today is different. Today is extraordinarily different. Today is different because I have won something. By some unknown miracle, I placed 1st in a short story contest at my school. It may seem like no big deal, but to me, it means everything. I can't play an instrument, sing a song, or dance. I can't draw a picture, score a goal, or run a marathon. But I can do this. And maybe, when my parents see it, they will smile at me for once. Maybe they'll say that they love me.
Entry 2
Parent's night didn't go as I had planned. My dad stumbled into my English classroom, drunk off his ass. My mother didn't even show. She was too busy watching Paris Hilton on tv. When I saw my father, I was mortified. I hid in the corner of the room, refusing to aknowledge his presence. It's true, he was there, but he wasn't really there. He didn't come to support me or congratulate me for my hard work. He came due to booze mixed with parental obligation.
Entry 3
Might as well throw away this stupid journal... Sammy told me that it's supposed to help, but nothing ever does. Child protective services called today. They will keep calling until they get an answer. Other than that, no one called. No one ever calls, really. Nobody wants to hear my voice on the other end.
Entry 4
It feels weird that this is the last time I will be writing. No more short stories, no more poems. No more lyrics, no more plays. All of my writings sit dormant in the wastebasket. When I am dead, they will be too. So...
Goodbye, farewell, let the earth wake up when my eyes sleep.
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140,433 Literary Works • 673,187 Reviews
Heyy
Okay, I feel like you didn't pour enough energy and time into this one, maybe you didn't like the idea too much or thought it would be a waste or something but I think it could be more impactful if it were longer and more emotional so the readers could attach themselves to the protagonist.
It feels like it's lacking something. Otherwise I didn't find anything wrong with your grammar or writing.
Maybe you should think up of a short story with a detailed plot and characters with descriptions so I could imagine the story in my head.
I'm a bit pessimistic.. This review was not to let you down or make you feel crappy. You can write but I think you should write more.
Anyway, uh, merry Christmas and happy new year!!
Also, happy writing
This is sad - but not overwhelmingly sad, the way that it should be.
I don't fully understand how the tremors are connected to the suicide - are they even connected? I feel like there are too many loose threads left here. You should expand this piece to add more emotion to it. It's hard for readers to connect to the protagonist because there isn't much of her personality for us to connect to.
We see a little bit of it when she talks about only being good at writing (I think a lot of us YWSers might be able to connect to that feeling).
However, her suicide is just too sudden for me to really care about it.
As others have mentioned, the imagery in the opening paragraph is excellent. You just need to expand and you can make this work into something really powerful.
Hello!
It literally compelled me to read this story. Overall, I loved the concept, and I loved your language and the way you used it.
Well, I would have been able to appreciate it more if you had at least given me a hint to who Sammy is.
Your opening paragraph was GOLD. Cheerio 
First let me tell you, I LOVED the title
If there's something I didn't like, it's just that I have no idea who 'Sammy' is. A brother? A friend? Or better yet, an Imaginary Friend?
And I felt as if the story progressed too fast. I understand that the protagonist is sad, but that sadness doesn't come across as enough to make her contemplate suicide.
Let me end with a word of praise
Hewwo! Gravity here to give you a review.
Let me just say how drawn I was to this by your title. "Tremor". One word, but it could mean anything. So I clicked and when I started reading, you sort of blew my mind with your opening sentences. Like seriously, your imagery was awesome. There were a few awkward sentences so I'll just point those out really quick.
So these few sentences are just kinda choppy and a little out of place. I think you should use some commas or words to combine them. Like so "Then the shaking and spinning gets faster so my body is thrown across the dirty pavement like a rag doll."
So I read this part again after going through this piece and I'm not really seeing how seasickness relates? It just seems out of place to me, is all.
loving the contradiction here, making the reader stop and think.
Very relatable, I like it.
Who is Sammy? Ordinarily this new character would seem out of place since you haven't elaborated, but I think since this is such a short piece and the narrator doesn't really elaborate on themselves much at all, it kind of works. If you think about it, the speaker stays anonymous for the most part. I think we can gather that this is a teenager based on the language and stuff, but there's no gender or anything like that. I wonder if all this is true, if this happens to you on a daily basis. I wonder if it is, in reality, fiction. Parts of it seem so personal.
Other than those disjointed sentences and the misplaced word, I don't see any errors. And even those aren't noticeable since this is such an emotional piece of writing.
And one more thing. If this really is you writing about your life, doing give up on writing. Because in my experience, writing is one of the few things that will never give up on you. Also, feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
XOXO,
Gravity
Wow, thank you so much!