z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Chapter one

by MoniqueSkyeAngles, MoniqueSkyeAngles


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

No ones POV

As the she walked down the hallways, she kept her head down in shame. Society was always the one to blame. All she could hear was the laughter,fingers pointing at her. What did she do? 

She could feel the tears start to form in her green orbs. What has she ever done to deserve this. She was always nice,  never had any complaints;what could she possible have done wrong? As she walked down the hallways that were telling her lies, she couldn't help but start to cry. She didn't fit in, she never did. She was lost in a world that didn't want her ,in fact ; she lost herself. She lost herself and it seems she can't find her way back. She's trapped in her thoughts, that only spoke badly about her. She could never understand why people could be so cruel. How can a person hate on another?  How can a person wish death upon another living human being? Everyone is different but it seems , difference is wrong In the world. When someone isn't the same as the rest, they find abnormal. 

This girl, who was only 16 years old, was the smartest in the school. She was beautiful, yet she never believed so. She always believed that she was never meant to be here, born in the wrong time and in the wrong place. She was bullied constantly. People somehow convinced this sweet and innocent girl that she was a mistake to this world. As if she home wasn't bad enough....

There was another girl, who was busy making her way to school. She to, was only 16 years old. She was broken, she was alone. She truly was, she always kept to herself. She wasn't the smartest, but she's seen things that you might never see, she felt things that you might never feel. She was the definition of different. 

She was popular, but those people never really knew her. They never saw the girl cry behind closed doors. They never saw her true side. She always wore a smile for the world to see, but deep down, she was always frowning. It shows that the outside can hide what's in the inside. She felt unwanted,worthless and useless, yet everyone wanted her. How? 

She grew up with a absent father. A mother who never has time, she barely makes it home once a week. This girl felt neglected. She felt like the world would be better off without her. You want to know a secret? This girl starves herself, she would barely eat once a week. She thought that if she was perfect, her parents would want her. She had never been so wrong. Her father pushed her away every time she tried to get close. Her mother would ignore her whenever she tried to make convocation. What she doesn't know, they will never change. A zebra never loses its stripes. A girl who grew up unwanted and unloved. A girl that only knew hatred yet you would find her always smiling. When her father decided he wanted to be apart of her life once more, she couldn't cope with it. How would you react? 

Someone who you grew to hate, yet never knew. Someone who was never there when she needed him most. The person who pushed her away finely decided he wanted to be apart of her life, but she doesn't want him to be. He still pushes her away, he still acts like he doesn't know her but then again he never really did. 

As the girl walked into the hallways, she bumped into someone who was going to change her life forever. They looked into each others watery eyes. 

"Hello, I'm Tasha" 

"Hey I'm Megan" 

No ones POV

As the she walked down the hallways, she kept her head down in shame. Society was always the one to blame. All she could hear was the laughter,fingers pointing at her. What did she do? 

She could feel the tears start to form in her green orbs. What has she ever done to deserve this. She was always nice,  never had any complaints, what could she possible have done wrong? As she walked down the hallways that were telling her lies, she couldn't help but start to cry. She didn't fit in, she never did. She was lost in a world that didn't want her, in fact she lost herself. She lost herself and it seems she can't find her way back. She's trapped in her thoughts, that only spoke badly about her. She could never understand why people could be so cruel. How can a person hate on another?  How can a person wish death upon another living human being? Everyone is different but it seems , difference is wrong In the world. When someone isn't the same as the rest, they find abnormal. 

This girl, who was only 16 years old, was the smartest in the school. She was beautiful, yet she never believed so. She always believed that she was never meant to be here, born in the wrong time and in the wrong place. 

There was another girl, who was busy making her way to school. She to, was only 16 years old. She was broken, she was alone. She truly was, she always kept to herself. She wasn't the smartest, but she's seen things that you might never see, she felt things that you might never feel. She was the definition of different. 

She was popular, but those people never really knew her. They never saw the girl cry behind closed doors. They never saw her true side. She always wore a smile for the world to see, but deep down, she was always frowning. It shows that the outside can hide what's in the inside. She felt unwanted,worthless and useless, yet everyone wanted her. How? 

She grew up with a absent father. A mother who never has time, she barely makes it home once a week. This girl felt neglected. She felt like the world would be better off without her. You want to know a secret? This girl starves herself, she would barely eat once a week. She thought that if she was perfect, her parents would want her. She had never been so wrong. Her father pushed her away every time she tried to get close. Her mother would ignore her whenever she tried to make convocation. What she doesn't know, they will never change. A zebra never loses its stripes. 

As the girl walked into the hallways, she bumped into someone who was going to change her life forever. They looked into each others watery eyes. 

"Hello, I'm Tasha" 

"Hey I'm Megan" 

No ones POV

As the she walked down the hallways, she kept her head down in shame. Society was always the one to blame. All she could hear was the laughter,fingers pointing at her. What did she do? 

She could feel the tears start to form in her green orbs. What has she ever done to deserve this. She was always nice,  never had any complaints, what could she possible have done wrong? As she walked down the hallways that were telling her lies, she couldn't help but start to cry. She didn't fit in, she never did. She was lost in a world that didn't want her, in fact she lost herself. She lost herself and it seems she can't find her way back. She's trapped in her thoughts, that only spoke badly about her. She could never understand why people could be so cruel. How can a person hate on another?  How can a person wish death upon another living human being? Everyone is different but it seems , difference is wrong In the world. When someone isn't the same as the rest, they find abnormal. 

This girl, who was only 16 years old, was the smartest in the school. She was beautiful, yet she never believed so. She always believed that she was never meant to be here, born in the wrong time and in the wrong place. 

There was another girl, who was busy making her way to school. She to, was only 16 years old. She was broken, she was alone. She truly was, she always kept to herself. She wasn't the smartest, but she's seen things that you might never see, she felt things that you might never feel. She was the definition of different. 

She was popular, but those people never really knew her. They never saw the girl cry behind closed doors. They never saw her true side. She always wore a smile for the world to see, but deep down, she was always frowning. It shows that the outside can hide what's in the inside. She felt unwanted,worthless and useless, yet everyone wanted her. How? 

She grew up with a absent father. A mother who never has time, she barely makes it home once a week. This girl felt neglected. She felt like the world would be better off without her. You want to know a secret? This girl starves herself, she would barely eat once a week. She thought that if she was perfect, her parents would want her. She had never been so wrong. Her father pushed her away every time she tried to get close. Her mother would ignore her whenever she tried to make convocation. What she doesn't know, they will never change. A zebra never loses its stripes. 

As the girl walked into the hallways, she bumped into someone who was going to change her life forever. They looked into each others watery eyes. 

"Hello, I'm Tasha" 

"Hey I'm Megan" 

No ones POV

As the she walked down the hallways, she kept her head down in shame. Society was always the one to blame. All she could hear was the laughter,fingers pointing at her. What did she do? 

She could feel the tears start to form in her green orbs. What has she ever done to deserve this. She was always nice,  never had any complaints, what could she possible have done wrong? As she walked down the hallways that were telling her lies, she couldn't help but start to cry. She didn't fit in, she never did. She was lost in a world that didn't want her, in fact she lost herself. She lost herself and it seems she can't find her way back. She's trapped in her thoughts, that only spoke badly about her. She could never understand why people could be so cruel. How can a person hate on another?  How can a person wish death upon another living human being? Everyone is different but it seems , difference is wrong In the world. When someone isn't the same as the rest, they find abnormal. 

This girl, who was only 16 years old, was the smartest in the school. She was beautiful, yet she never believed so. She always believed that she was never meant to be here, born in the wrong time and in the wrong place. 

There was another girl, who was busy making her way to school. She to, was only 16 years old. She was broken, she was alone. She truly was, she always kept to herself. She wasn't the smartest, but she's seen things that you might never see, she felt things that you might never feel. She was the definition of different. 

She was popular, but those people never really knew her. They never saw the girl cry behind closed doors. They never saw her true side. She always wore a smile for the world to see, but deep down, she was always frowning. It shows that the outside can hide what's in the inside. She felt unwanted,worthless and useless, yet everyone wanted her. How? 

She grew up with a absent father. A mother who never has time, she barely makes it home once a week. This girl felt neglected. She felt like the world would be better off without her. You want to know a secret? This girl starves herself, she would barely eat once a week. She thought that if she was perfect, her parents would want her. She had never been so wrong. Her father pushed her away every time she tried to get close. Her mother would ignore her whenever she tried to make convocation. What she doesn't know, they will never change. A zebra never loses its stripes. 

As the girl walked into the hallways, she bumped into someone who was going to change her life forever. They looked into each others watery eyes. 

"Hello, I'm Tasha" 

"Hey I'm Megan" 

No ones POV

As the she walked down the hallways, she kept her head down in shame. Society was always the one to blame. All she could hear was the laughter,fingers pointing at her. What did she do? 

She could feel the tears start to form in her green orbs. What has she ever done to deserve this. She was always nice,  never had any complaints, what could she possible have done wrong? As she walked down the hallways that were telling her lies, she couldn't help but start to cry. She didn't fit in, she never did. She was lost in a world that didn't want her, in fact she lost herself. She lost herself and it seems she can't find her way back. She's trapped in her thoughts, that only spoke badly about her. She could never understand why people could be so cruel. How can a person hate on another?  How can a person wish death upon another living human being? Everyone is different but it seems , difference is wrong In the world. When someone isn't the same as the rest, they find abnormal. 

This girl, who was only 16 years old, was the smartest in the school. She was beautiful, yet she never believed so. She always believed that she was never meant to be here, born in the wrong time and in the wrong place. 

There was another girl, who was busy making her way to school. She to, was only 16 years old. She was broken, she was alone. She truly was, she always kept to herself. She wasn't the smartest, but she's seen things that you might never see, she felt things that you might never feel. She was the definition of different. 

She was popular, but those people never really knew her. They never saw the girl cry behind closed doors. They never saw her true side. She always wore a smile for the world to see, but deep down, she was always frowning. It shows that the outside can hide what's in the inside. She felt unwanted,worthless and useless, yet everyone wanted her. How? 

She grew up with a absent father. A mother who never has time, she barely makes it home once a week. This girl felt neglected. She felt like the world would be better off without her. You want to know a secret? This girl starves herself, she would barely eat once a week. She thought that if she was perfect, her parents would want her. She had never been so wrong. Her father pushed her away every time she tried to get close. Her mother would ignore her whenever she tried to make convocation. What she doesn't know, they will never change. A zebra never loses its stripes. 

As the girl walked into the hallways, she bumped into someone who was going to change her life forever. They looked into each others watery eyes. 

"Hello, I'm Tasha" 

"Hey I'm Megan" 


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Points: 375
Reviews: 2

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Mon Jun 01, 2015 11:54 pm
Gibbs95 wrote a review...



Hey there,

I think the grammatical errors and repeating has been written on before, so I shan't repeat those comments. I'll stick more to the content of the story:

I like this story, and am intrigued to know more about the characters. I agree that it should be clearer as to which girl is which, but the characters were set up nicely, with the readers knowing their problems in the present but not necessarily the cause of them. It allows for more deeper development into their personalities and their lives as well as the characters exploring each other as well.

As to the writing style, it is interesting. Your particular style is almost like a no BS kind of writing, which is nice to see. Rather than leaving things in the dark, or washing over details, you tell the reader exactly what is going on. It leaves an impact on the reader, especially the second girl's story in the case of the eating disorder. While I normally don't enjoy this kind of openness about the character's lives in such a quick manner, I thought here it worked well to shock the reader and keep them reading to find out more.

Overall, I am hooked, and would love to reader more,
-Gibbs95




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56 Reviews


Points: 4996
Reviews: 56

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Sun May 31, 2015 6:44 am
ILoveBooks123 wrote a review...



Hello! I'm ILoveBooks123!

Happy Review Day!

Lets begin with the review shall we?

First of all, Why the story keep repeating? Did you copied it over and over again. I suggested that if you have time delete all of the copied one. Because it will ruin the story actually. At first I thought the first chapter was long 0_o

Second of all, I like how this story started. I mean, you are great at coming up with description. And I'm a huge fan of these kind of topic of a story. Realistic and well dramatic. And i was hoping this is kind of a suspense sometimes.

Third of all, About the story...Are you trying to suspense us about why the first girl is being hate by different people in school? Or did you just forgot to write what have she done for the people to hate her? And i think the first girl is Megan? Or was it Tasha? I dont know. I suggest that state it pretty clearly. I know you can do that. Describe the story more especially for the two girls. I feel their pain actually and I'm sure most of us will relate to this story.

Fourth, I saw a lot of errors. Like,

"As the she walked down the hallway." Remove the to that sentence.

"She was lost in a world that didn't want her, in fact she lost herself." Put a comma on In fact.

"difference is wrong In the world." The letter I in 'in' should be small letter only.

I suggested recheck everything first before publishing it. But dont worry everyone commit mistakes. So yeah.

Overall, good job on this poem. I appreciate it. I hope you continue this. It's a great poem for other people to be related. Just be careful about all those grammars okay?

-ILoveBooks123




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177 Reviews


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Sun May 31, 2015 1:53 am
Chaser wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!

Let's begin. Firstly, you seem to have copied your story over and over again. I have no idea why.

Secondly, the most prominent problem with this story is its lack of reason. Let me explain. You're excellent with description, and I can feel the pain from the characters. But this pain could be amplified tenfold if we knew the "whys" of it. Specifically, only two. The first is, why is the first girl hated? It's never quite stated clearly. Being vague about it casts a wider net, sure, but there ought to be a specific reason that she would be ostracized. If there's no reason, her story runs the risk of coming off as superficial or shallow. But that's more of an opinion than anything else.
The second missing reason is why the second girl hides her personality from her friends. My guess is that she views herself as imperfect and is afraid to show her true self. Describing her fear of rejection is a fine opportunity for pointing out another one of society's cruelties: You are wanted until you are yourself. If you don't want to do that, fine. But at least give a sentence stating her fear of revealing her true self, I feel like that's missing.

Thirdly, I'll check your grammar. You made a few errors.

"As the she walked down the hallways" Omit "the."
"She was always nice, never had any complaints, what could she possible have done wrong?" Replace the second comma with a semicolon, and change possible to possibly.
"She was lost in a world that didn't want her, in fact she lost herself." Put a comma after fact, and (I think) change the first comma to a semicolon.
"difference is wrong In the world." De-capitalize the I in "in."
"They looked into each others watery eyes." Apostrophe. "other's."

This is an interesting story, but be aware of its potential for improvement. Cheers.


-Chaser






Thank you for your help, I will correct the grammar and the rest of the problems, I'll also give more reason why they first became such troubled people. Thank you



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36 Reviews


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Sat May 30, 2015 8:08 pm
LordofLit101 says...



I must say this creates quite a powerful image, are they both being bullied? It's clear that it is from two perspectives, but I like it so far, well done!






Well this story is based on the society we have today, Megan is the one bullied because she has smarts and because of her difference from other people. Tasha she's the popular one who seems to have everything perfect but what people don't know is that its all a act. These characters are based on what people think of them and who they truly are. Thank you for the feedback :) if you have anymore questions, be sure to ask



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Sat May 30, 2015 7:03 pm
faunafaun says...



It seems deleting the many copies of the same thing needs to be exacted of this work






I will be right on it




Maybe we're all just complex human beings with skewed perceptions of each other.
— Ventomology