Young Writers Society

Hey Momo!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a really good and suspenful read. I liked the tension you created with you your short clipped dialogues. It reflected the fear and the desperation of these two people and at tge same time creating this wonderful tension in every sentence. I liked how you built it up with such anticipation until that one point in the ending where it finally concluded. It was extremely intense and I could feel myself waiting for the ending to find out what happened to them.

One sugestion I can give is to add a little more background to the story. Why was Grandpa Bill out there? What's up with the hooting monkeys? Maybe describe the swamp a little, the color of the water, the pull of the waves. Keeping the story short did put more focus on the tension and suspense, but I feel like a little more detail wouldn't hurt.

I really liked the ending and how a single sentence told us their fate. I am glad you didn't expand on that because the single sentence is more impactful than any other words dedicated to explaining what happened.

Overall, this was a really nice read. Good job!

Keep writing and have a great day!

I really like this story.
Its short and is fast paced. and an easy read.
I love how the characters are portrayed. one who was scare about their fate, and another who was equally terrified but denying an its existence.
The characters radiated fear and uncertainty of their fates.
And the void fish is shrouded in mystery and sound terrifying and something I never want to see or hear at all.
Overall I enjoyed this short story and I hope to see more from you! Have a wonderful day

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This definitely seems like a fun little short to read. The story definitely gets you the impression of a pretty sizeable world despite being so short and the end is pretty satisfying too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Reinvue shivered as Marco rowed the boat further into the Void Swamp. They weren't that far in yet and she was terrified. She looked at Marco, and he was scared too.

"How much further?" Vue asked. Her voice was quiet and fearful.

"A few more minutes, until we get to where Grandpa Bill's signal was." his voice was also scared. He returned Vue's worried gaze.

"Do-do you think-" Vue stammered, terrified, "The Voidfish killed him?"

"Shut up!" Marco stammered, terrified as well. "You know that saying that name wakes them up!"

"But I don't think they're real, Marco!" Vue said, with only a little bit of hesitation.

She immediately regretted those words.

The water next to the boat exploded. It didn't splash onto them, it just started disappearing, like there was a drain next to the boat, sucking up all the water.

Vue couldn't move. She was frozen with the most fear she had ever had. The hooting monkeys in the trees around them suddenly stopped their jeering. The water kept draining.

It started to move closer to the boat.

Vue screamed.

The boat disappeared into the gaping maw of the Voidfish.

Well hello there! This is KWN for a review.

okay firstly I just want to say it's a very impressive piece of work and I really like it. It's nice how short it is but it feels like there is so much backstory that the reader gets to think about.

Another thing I think you did well was with showing emotions. I felt like I knew exactly what they were feeling. I also love how you added the suspense at the end but also through out the story. The way you expressed their fear makes the reader know that something went wrong.

So in conclusion it was very good and I hope you keep on writing

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee -KWN

Hi! This is nightshadows bring a new comment live to a theater near you! Ok, so enough of my uniqueness here are my thoughts:


WOW!!! Ok so you have left me on such a cliffhanger I might just disappear into the voidfish myself. I love the creativity and how you entranced me into this world you created with so many elements! One thing I love are the characters and how you paint their thoughts so clearly through the story! Also just a little tip but you don't have to take it, try and illustrate the scene a bit better so you can put the reader into insanity like,

"Reinvue shivered as Marco rowed the boat further into the Void Swamp. The trees hanged like dead grass and dripped odd liquid from the tips. The water, thick with moss and dead bugs dispersed an odorous stench into the air.The fog was like clouds had descended and Marco and Vue couldn't see even four feet in front of themselves"
Great job!!

Wowee, I haven't done a review in ages but I must!

Firstly, only in these short sentences, I already have a feel of the story and a foundation of a deeper legend. This was a splendid insight into a fictional myth and the reader is forced to share a common fear for the Voidfish, despite little information being given away.

"A few more minutes, until we get to where Grandpa Bill's signal was." his voice was also scared. He returned Vue's worried gaze.

It didn't splash onto them, it just started disappearing, like there was a drain next to the boat, sucking up all the water.

Well, there were no great splashes or fireworks of salty seawater, it just started to disappear, drained away from the vessel that sat idly next to the deflating pool of liquid.

The hooting monkeys in the trees around them suddenly stopped their jeering. The water kept draining.