I thought this was pretty good.. It def. kept me reading, and that's a plus. Post more! (Haha).
Prologue:
Bryant.
His parents named him that because to speak his name your lips would for a full circle. He had his father’s blue eyes, his mother’s ebony hair and the sky-scraper height that ran in the family. Pushing six feet before he was fourteen, with skin that tanned easily due to his partial native heritage and a romantic streak that came from his father’s Italian ancestry, Bryant was stunning.
By the age of fifteen he had dated every attractive girl in the Welsh Jr. High, and by his sixteenth birthday he was MVP on the Varsity basketball team, with a letter in baseball and basketball.
His father was transferred to Eastern Washington State, near Seattle, at that time. Bryant was fine with the change. He loved to explore new realms of opportunity. After all, he would have to be well-rounded if he was to take over his father’s marketing company someday.
Starting his Junior year with an accumulative grade point average of 4.2, with a clean room, made bed and breakfast with all of the nutritional necessities, Bryant was perfect. As perfect as any sixteen year old could ever be.
Too perfect.
So perfect, it was downright scary.
1.
“You have issues,” Natasha, Bryant’s girlfriend of eight months, said as she whacked him playfully in the back of the head. She grinned, and leaned against him, feeling a sort of comfort in the warmth of his lean, muscular body.
Bryant smiled half-heartedly, and nodded. “Sure I do, babe,” he replied, eyes half-closed. You have absolutely no idea. He was driving his ‘06 Beamer down the road to Natasha’s trailer-park home, the dim streetlights flickering grimly.
“No, really though. Who gets an A+ in Trig? I didn’t even know that was possible. The teacher, Mr. Thomas is a butt.” She smirked and popped her bubble-gum, twisting it over her fingers.
Bryant shrugged, both to answer her question and to squirm his way out of her death-hold. Why am I even dating her? He asked himself. Because she’s beautiful, he answered.
It was true, even Bryant, (picky as he was) had to admit it. With that thick, shoulder length brunette hair and those deep amber eyes, Natasha was as close to perfect as he had seen. (Besides himself, of course.)
Of course, it wasn’t her fault she was trailer-trash. She gushed and cooed over his six story mansion for hours upon her first arrival. Bryant bought her pretty things with his father’s money-diamond necklaces and designer jeans, just to keep her up to par. If he was going to be seen with a beauty, best make her a well-dressed beauty, so everyone could stare with cold, cruel jealousy.
“Anyway here we are,” she said as he pulled up to her house. She smiled teasingly, blew a bubble, and kissed him. The gum-ball machine 25 cent crap spread all over Bryant’s face, who would no sooner eat that cheap gum than bathe in crocuses.
“Gorgeous, Tash,” he said in a low growl, peeling bits off his face. She giggled, and bobbed her shoulders.
“Later, babes,” she said, and grabbed her Louie Vaton purse he’d given her two months ago for her sixteenth birthday.
“Later,” he repeated, sneering as he pulled out. Why couldn’t the rich girls be pretty? How could he have possibly stooped so low as to date a trailer-trash piece of garbage?
But with all of the money he’d spent over her over the months, Bryant had quite an investment on Natasha.
“She’ll turn out,” he said decidedly, peeling bits of gum from his mouth. “With time, she’ll turn out just fine.”
***
I thought this was pretty good.. It def. kept me reading, and that's a plus. Post more! (Haha).
It was interesting, some parts I liked, others I didn't, but it was very well-written and the emotion came out to the reader very well. nice job
Wow. It's a creepy story.
"Pushing six feet before he was fourteen, with skin that tanned easily due to his partial native heritage and a romantic streak that came from his father’s Italian ancestry, Bryant was stunning."
This sentence is a little long, and long sentences can be confusing. Try to break it into two sentences.
"Starting his Junior year with an accumulative grade point average of 4.2, with a clean room, made bed and breakfast with all of the nutritional necessities, Bryant was perfect. As perfect as any sixteen year old could ever be. "
Again, the first sentence is a little long, try to break it up a bit.
"12:04.
She had been two minutes late for curfew."
This confused me a little. Is her curfew 12:02? Maybe if you said she was four minutes past curfew.
Other than those few mistakes, it was a good story. A good plot. Keep up the good work!
Hee hee. I'm not grossed out yet; c'mon Misty!
My only thing:
'lovemaking'
What sixteen-year-old uses that word? I mean, c'mon, that's what old white guys say. "Yes, I spent the night in lovemaking!" *gag* *choke* *barf*
Very nice. *whistles*
bahahahahahahaha....sam and black rose, u 2 are funny. Thanks Kylie. Youall, I'm REALLY not feeling this next section. PLEASE give some crit, or just tell me if it sounds ok. I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I'll delete this bit I dunno.
In the two weeks that followed their first sexual experiment, Bryant and Natasha slept together six times, though after their first spur-of-the-moment round, Bryant had thought to use protection, just to ensure that Natasha didn’t get pregnant. (That would be a disaster.)
He hadn’t expected her to jump all over him like that, but then, why shouldn’t she? The only thing that gave Bryant pause was the fact that his scars across the shoulders from repeated mortification had obviously shown fully, but Natasha either didn’t notice or didn’t care. He expected it was the latter.
Bryant was surprised at how much more affection he felt towards his girlfriend in the recent weeks. It was almost as though he could fully appreciate how perfect she was, and not just because she was beautiful, but because she felt a tenderness towards him that could only be shown through intimacy.
He was also pleasantly surprised that he no longer had an all-encompassing fixation to cut himself. Or to jack-off, for that matter. She was enough to satisfy him.
Bryant sighed. He was sitting on his four-poster bed, on a thick, light blue down comforter. He had been doing his Trigonometry homework, but he was tired. And lonely. He picked up the phone by his bed, debating yet again on whether to call Natasha or not. He yawned, and looked at his clock. 11:20. It wasn’t too late to pick her up.
He remembered how strange he had felt when Natasha had first started stripping, (and disrobing him.) Of course, their shared kiss had meant instant arousal for him, but the look on her face-so sensitive and sexy, and yet so needy, had caused their lovemaking to be even sweeter.
Now, Bryant didn’t know if he wanted to go through with his plans for her. Even though her “perfecting” was almost complete, now he felt like he had a sort of bond with his girlfriend, that he had certainly never felt before.
I’m just going to call her, he decided. Just as he picked up the phone to do so, it rang. Bryant started, then answered the phone.
“Hello?” he asked, inquisition in his tone.
“Bryant?” a deep, guttural voice asked. He recognized it immediately and his blood ran cold.
A shiver ran down his spine as he replied, “Yeah?”
“Tonight,” the voice said. “Tonight at my place.”
Bryant instantly knew what he meant. “Sounds good.”
“Twelve O’clock,” said the voice, gravelly and uneven. He was probably high.
“Be there,” Bryant replied. He set the phone down, his hand shaking slightly. Then a twisted smile spread across his face. “I’ll definitely be there.”
'as for the rest, coming from the part that is really really sick and disgusting and shouldn't be known to SAm *kills sam* then i just want to let you know it's getting interesting. but if u interbreed won't the baby be all deforemed? Bryant would be probably werided out'
*ducks* (:P You're just mad because Hourglass confuses you 
BWAHAHAHA)
And true...I was wondering that...
Wow, so good. And I mean that in the good-but-totally-creepy-and-almost-grossing-me-out kinda way. But good.
The only problem I had was in the first chapter, it mentions Bryant is perfect too many times. Once it is mentioned enough that we understand how self-obsessed he is, there's no need to bring it up again.
Waiting for the next piece.....
He smiled at her, that brilliant four-years-of-braces-floss-twice-a-day grin..
heehee, cute.
as for the rest, coming from the part that is really really sick and disgusting and shouldn't be known to SAm *kills sam* then i just want to let you know it's getting interesting. but if u interbreed won't the baby be all deforemed? Bryant would be probably werided out 
OK, so the boyfriend's a creep and the dad's a perv..very fun stuff
Though my only thing: if you were pregnant with your DAD'S (*barf*) baby, you'd probably be weirded out for a long, long time. Know what I'm saying?
very, very interesting...I like it and am intrigued to see what happens, with Bryant, Tasha and the baby.
Can I go jump the dad with a tire iron...pretty please...maybe he'll bleed to death.
good work, I think there were a few places that were kind of hard to read because of how it looks on the site, but otherwise good stuff.
creepy voices and all that jazz --
I'm hooked.
cheers CL
“Why, exactly, do we have to stop at Safeway?” Bryant asked, annoyed. They had just finished seeing a movie at the mall, and now Natasha was insisting that they make a quick stop at the local supermarket.
“Just...you know, Bryant. Girl stuff,” she left it at that, knowing that he couldn’t argue.
“Fine,” he replied shortly. “But make it quick, and I’m waiting in the car.”
“Course, babe.”
Bryant dropped Natasha off at the front of the building, and parked, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He turned up the music in his car, and sat in melancholy thought.
His parents had been on business in Italy for three months now, which left the house to him and the housekeeping. It was starting to get lonely there, in that huge mansion. As far as he knew they’d be gone for the better part of that year, setting an international business deal.
Of course, they had wanted to take him along (he was their perfect angel), but it would be just wrong for their little snookums to miss that much school. Besides, he had his cute girlfriend to keep him company, and the Butler. Most teenagers liked their parents to give them space, right? And Bryant’s parents weren’t going to be the ones to be all up in his business. They wanted their wonderful son to grow up independent.
He had.
Bryant sighed, and pulled a jackknife out of his pocket, fingering it gently. For a split second, he felt a rush come over him, and he pressed the knife into his palm, hard.
He gasped as it slit his skin, then smiled as a familiar tingle came over him. Blood was beautiful. It felt warm against his skin. And although it was painful, it was a good kind of pain. Like scraping your knee on the pavement while learning to ride a bike, but all the while knowing that your dad is going to be there to pick you up.
Bryant sighed, allowing himself to enjoy the sensation, then realized that he was going to have to explain this to Natasha if he didn’t get his palm cleaned up. Normally he cut himself places no one would see, or wouldn’t notice if they did.
He got out of his car, and locked the door, then cruised into the restroom and cleaned up his hand, wrapping it with a paper towel and clenching his fists. Now that the adrenaline rush had been subdued, Bryant mentally kicked himself for being such an idiot, cutting himself in the car for anyone to see.
He was going to have to stop the bleeding quickly, before Natasha noticed.
* * *
Natasha clutched her purse in her hands nervously, as she walked down the feminine isle. Her hair brushed against her face softly, and she tucked it behind her ear. Her hand shaking slightly, Natasha reached out to the rack, and took a pregnancy test down.
She read the label, which claimed that the test was error-proof, then tucked it under her arm and grabbed a pack of Tampax just in case she was wrong and her period was coming...it was just a couple of weeks late.
She didn’t want Bryant to see the test, he couldn’t know about this. It would drive him mad to find out she was pregnant-when she had never slept with him. A hot tear fell down her cheek quickly, like a raindrop making a beeline for the ground, and she brushed it away impatiently.
“It wasn’t my fault,” she said to herself.
She grabbed a bar of white chocolate, her comfort food, from the rack near the cashier register, and some bubble gum.
$25.50. She paid, and requested a paper bag.
Head down, she walked into the parking lot, the orange streetlight illuminating the dark parking lot. Bryant’s car was one of the few in the near-empty parking lot, so it wasn’t hard to find, but, where was Bryant?
Natasha sighed, and stood outside the car, knowing better than to lean against it for fear of setting off the loud, buzzing alarm. A few minutes later, Bryant came out. He unlocked the door from across the parking lot, and Natasha stepped into the car.
She buckled her seat-belt and waited for him, clutching the paper bag in her hands.
“Where were you,” Bryant asked the second he stepped into the car.
“Uh, getting stuff. Did you come looking for me?”
“Yeah,” Bryant replied irritably, putting his key into the ignition roughly. “But it’s okay, whatever. You hungry?”
“Nah.”
“‘Kay. I’m just gonna drive you home then, all right?”
“Fine,” she said without emotion. The sooner the better.
* * *
“Positive,” Natasha said softly, sitting on her toilet. She crossed her legs, and dropped her head into her hands. “Oh my God. It’s positive,” she whimpered, running her fingers through her hands. “What the hell am I going to do?”
God. Hell. She’d used the two words in closer contact than she had in years.
Back when Natasha’ mom was still living, before cancer took her, Natasha had gone to church almost every week. Now, ten years after her mom’s death, not only had she stopped going to church, she felt like God (if there was a God) had completely abandoned her.
Her father, drunken bastard that he was, obviously agreed. Since he’d lost his beautiful wife, he’d found other things-and beings, to sustain him.
Including his daughter.
“I can’t have this baby,” she whispered, holding herself steady on the counter-top as she stood up. “I can’t.”
Her father had taken her virginity when she was eleven years old. But now...his child...god she couldn’t take it. Natasha threw the pregnancy test in her bathroom garbage, and put the tampons under the sink before walking into her conjoined bedroom. She locked the door, and lay down on her bed.
What am I going to do?
Her thoughts seethed and churned within her, looking for a way, any way out of this. Then, at last, they landed on a single word. One syllable. A circular name.
Bryant.
Stupid, idiot of a boyfriend. What did Bryant have to do with anything?
“Sleep with him.”
The thought was on her lips before she knew that she’d thought it. Her voice rang through the hostile night air, in her bedroom, penetrating the walls that had moments before seemed to be closing in.
“Make him think the baby is his,” she whispered. “Of course.”
She stood up now with new resolve, and walked to her closet. She pulled out a thin lingerie-type nightgown, and shoved it in her backpack. Tomorrow, she was staying the night with him.
Natasha felt slightly comforted by this thought, but then she fell onto her bed and was consumed by the painful, racking sobs that had so often been her nighttime company since her mother’s death.
* * *
The next evening, as Bryant played on his computer in his bedroom and Natasha finished her Trigonometry homework, Natasha shifted nervously on Bryant’s bed. She had gotten over the initial shock of being pregnant. Now she was just nervous that Bryant wouldn’t want to do her. She closed her Trig book, and lay down on her stomach, swinging her legs up behind her.
“Bryant, whatcha doing?” she asked, as she placed her book in her backpack beside the bed.”
“Nothing,” he replied. “Just typing out a paper.”
“Oh.” she lay down on her back and put a hand on her thin stomach. “Can I stay the night?”
Bryant spun around in his swivel-chair. “What’s that?” he asked incredulously.
“Can I stay the night? Your parents are gone.”
“Oh,” Bryant said. “Well, uhm, sure.” Well, why not? He was alone in the house, now that the maid had finished cleaning up for the day. And company would be sort of...nice. “Your parents won’t care?”
Natasha smiled to herself. Dating for eight months, and he didn’t even know her mother was dead. “Not at all,” she said. “I don’t even think my dad notices when-or if, I get home.”
“Okay. Cool,” he said, and continued typing. Natasha listened, as he paused. Probably thinking about how he’s going to get my clothes off. She decided.
That wouldn’t be hard. “Great, I’m gonna go get something to eat.”
“‘Kay.”
Natasha walked downstairs and heated up some macaroni and cheese. She ate it quickly, her stomach turning. Then she grabbed two Pepsi’s from the fridge and walked back up to Bryant’s bedroom.
“Here,” she said, handing him a Pepsi.
“Thanks,” he turned around and pulled her face close to his, kissing her tenderly.
“Mmmm,” Natasha said, pulling him closer. “Come here,” she whispered, and led him to the bed. She unbuttoned his shirt, and then tugged off his undershirt. “Come on,” she said.
She pulled off her white T-shirt, then lay on the bed. “Come on.”
* * *
part two of chapter one
Natasha threw her purse on the overstuffed gray couch and flopped down gracelessly, brushing a long strand of hair out of her face. With a sigh, she kicked off her Etnies onto the dingy brown carpet, and stared at them for a few minutes, while eyeing the cigarette burns in the couch.
“My boyfriend is a jerk,” she whispered, snapping her gum. She turned on her TV, and stared at the clock.
12:04.
She had been two minutes late for curfew. If her father was up-but no, he wasn’t, and she wouldn’t think about that. He was in bed sleeping off his beer. Natasha knew that would only make him more irritable in the morning, but at least she would be in school.
The TV buzzed in front of her, and she turned it down a few notches.
If Bryant could see this dump-hole...she thought, and grimaced at the idea. Bryant hadn’t known that she was from the dingiest trailer-park in the neighborhood when they met at a school dance, months before. He had known that she looked stunning, having borrowed her friend Jessie’s lo-rise mini-skirt and black halter top.
He had looked at her as an equal then, with a sort of fascination.
She flipped through the channels, but found nothing of interest, so she turned off the TV, and padded down the hallway to her bedroom. After brushing her teeth and changing into her pajamas, she lay atop her lumpy mattress, clinging to her Princess blanket and shivering in the darkness. Through the thin walls she heard drunken couples shouting at each other, the after burn of a party as it fizzled out, and the bass line of a rap song coming from someone’s basement.
Why is he still dating me? I can see the way he looks at me. What, does he think I’m blind? And why is he spending so much money on me?
To make her perfect, Natasha decided, as she nestled down to sleep. But why did she have to be perfect?
And why was she still dating him?
***
Bryant pulled up to Natasha’s trailer-park the next morning at exactly seven-oh-five, and checked her door. Where was she? She knew he hated to wait around for her in that shabby park. Who knew what the locals might do to his Beamer? He honked his horn loudly, once, then twice, and tapped his thumb against the steering wheel.
***
Natasha heard Bryant honk the horn just as she finished straightening her hair, exactly how he liked it. She frowned, and wrung her hands for a moment. Still in her bra and pajama bottoms, she ran to the closet, and sifted through her clothes. Hurriedly, she pulled out a pair of loose jeans and Bryant’s favorite shirt, the long sleeved lace-up navy polo with horizontal yellow stripes and big white cuffs.
She threw yanked on her Etnies, grabbed her purse, and stopped in front of the mirror for one last quick hair pat. Out the door, she applied her lip-gloss, and struck a quick pose outside Bryant’s car, smiling brightly. Bryant nodded as though to humor her, and opened the door from the inside.
“Heya, babes,” Natasha said, as she pulled a pair of big silver hoop earrings from her purse and put them on.
“Morning,” Bryant replied. “Where for breakfast?”
Natasha smiled. She loved it when Bryant treated her to breakfast.
“Wherever, babe. My first class isn’t till eight thirty today.”
Bryant nodded. “Mine’s at nine,” it always was Tuesdays and Thursdays, since Trigonometry was only a three-day a week class. “So how’s JC’s?”
Natasha nodded. “Sounds good.”
“Cool. We’re meeting Alex and Jordan.”
Natasha nodded and looked out the window to cover her smirk. Trust Bryant to make it sound like she had a choice. She also noticed that they were meeting Bryant’s rich friends from out of town.
Bryant had come to a traffic light, and stopped, the car humming.
Bored, Natasha cracked her knuckles, but stopped when Bryant grimaced, and groaned aloud.
“Sorry,” she muttered.
“Whatever.”
Bryant frowned at himself for being rude to her. Sure, she was annoying, but she would turn out all right in the long run, once he whipped her into shape. He was just going to keep on humoring her.
But I have to at least act like I’m into her. She’s not stupid.
He smiled at her, that brilliant four-years-of-braces-floss-twice-a-day grin, and leaned over to kiss her. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, then hit the gas as the stoplight turned from red to green.
Natasha nodded, smiling widely. Of course she loved him, she reasoned with herself. And he loved her, she knew it. He could be uncouth but she needed a guy like him. Someone with stability.
And money, she added. Of course the money was a big thing. Not to mention he was gorgeous.
...would for a full circle.
FORM I think you mean.
“No, really though. Who gets an A+ in Trig? I didn’t even know that was possible. The teacher, Mr. Thomas is a butt.”
Wow that's not really high schoolish is it
Why am I even dating her? He asked himself. Because she’s beautiful, he answered.
If that's the only reason it's a very bad reason and yeah I just had to put that there...
Bryant bought her pretty things with his father’s money-diamond necklaces and designer jeans
Wish my boyfriend did that bu yeah, that is a sick way of keeping her close with material posessions, what a jerk!
Anyway if this was it then BOO but if this was the beginning then I'm freaked out and I hate whats his face. Nice job on it all it's really good. Lovely description. Hey PM me your summary ok hehehe insider news.
(I just noticed it said Prolauge.. hehe so I guess it isn't the end then is it )
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