Pity those hearts so bruised by broken arrows,
they turn as lakes in silent nights,
when the moonlight stains all things blue,
and the water sits too crippling still.
Pity those hearts gone hollow from sorrow,
bled so empty like forgotten caves,
where no man ever dares venture,
as the dark is no place for the goldest of treasures.
Pity those hearts too afraid of that boy with the bow,
who takes aim as his game,
and plays, both eyes shut closed,
watching stars shine so black on crossed lovers he sewed.
But pity is saved most for those hearts just so blue,
they wear the reddest of shoes,
clapping heels round the hour,
for that home once so sweet but now tastes so sour.
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Canary word: Present
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Hello! Here to review. I like this poem. Good job on it. It is very well written and grammatically correct. It flows really well and has a good rhythm to it. It rhymes which also a plus to those who loves rhyming poems out there. The title must have been hard to think of.
Keep writing poems. I know you have quite a bit out already. I may read those when I have the time!
-lost
Thanks for the review! Much appreciated.
Hello my friend! Reviewer here! I really enjoyed this poem!
Nice work! I think it may have lack a bit of rhythm, especially in the third stanza... Also, I would have preferred it with rhyme, but nonetheless, it was really enjoyable! I liked the subject of the poem as well! It was very well written and grammatically perfect! Keep up the good work!
I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future!
~BlimeyLimey
Thanks for the review! I made some changes to the rhythm so it rhymes more now although it's still a bit broken to symbolise heartbreak itself. Hope it flows well though!