July 14th 2009 - Carmel-by-the-Sea
"She is so unbelievable! I hate that woman!" Mumbled the little blonde five-year-old boy, jumping over his backyard fence, enraged by his mother's words. "What kind of mother talks to her son like that?!"
Michael wasn't sure where he was going or why he wanted to leave through the backyard. There was only one thing he was certain of, anywhere in this world was better than with that old hag he calls his birth giver. Nothing could ever make Michael willingly return home to her - not any time soon or even in this lifetime. He was furious. He had done nothing wrong, yet he was the one who took all the blame for his mother's alcoholism.
"Why is it my fault you can't find your stupid rum, woman?" He asked, kicking the ground angrily before glaring at the squirrels, who had stopped chasing each other and stared at him, blocking his path. "Out of my way, you dumb creatures!" The boy yelled furiously, kicking sand at the two mammals before him and showing them his gritted teeth to scare them away.
A loud squeak echoed through the seemingly quiet forest as the two fluffy squirrels ran away, climbing a tree to avoid injuring themselves or being faced with Michael's over-streaming emotions. They angrily squeaked at their attacker and threw their collected nuts at him. Michael growled, being hit at the back of his head, taking a pile of dirt into his hands and throwing it at the trees the squirrels had climbed moments before.
"Go away!" He yelled, before running off deeper into the forest, angrily stomping his feet on the ground with each step he took. "I hate it here. Just leave me alone, everyone!"
While stomping away, Michael heard a soft laugh echo through the bushes. He stopped, turned, and crouched behind the bush, pushing some branches out of sight and staring at a little boy around his age. "Who is that? I never saw him around before..." Michael mumbled, overcome by curiosity that blended in with the anger he felt. His chest's weight lightened, and he curiously stared at the mysterious boy.
"Whoa! The sundown is amazing! So beautiful!" The black-haired boy exclaimed, hopping closer to the edge of the nearby cliff and sitting down there to watch the sundown. Michael sneered, rolling his eyes. "What kind of unicorn fluffed poke is that supposed to be?"
A middle-aged man approached the little kid Michael was watching from behind and sat beside him, running his hand through that fluffy head of black hair and said. "I agree. This is such a beautiful town. It's such a pity we have to leave tomorrow."
The sky held a gradient color spectrum and many fluffy white clouds, which blended into the orange-reddish sky. Moreover, the sun dropped into the ocean, splashing its colors upon the calm water, raising the white foam into gold. Finally, a blinding light ignited from the setting sun, and its bright shine gently engulfed the orange, blending into a deep wine red in the outer corner of one's eyes.
Peaceful chirping and the sound of rustling waves echoed through the air, gently swinging into one's ear. So, relaxation and warmth spread through the bodies of those present, benignly soothing Michael's racing heart and lifting all sorrow and pain from his chest.
"Do we really have to, dad?" The boy paused, ripping his gaze away from that mesmerizing gradient of a color spectrum. "Can't we just stay here?"
His father sighed, staring into his son's expectant glowing eyes. They matched the turquoise-blueish ocean in front of them. The black-haired boy's eyes were almost identical. Seeing them reflect the sun rays that infiltrated them, Michael was mesmerized. He had never seen such beautiful eyes or an unmistakable, pure glow like this one.
"Wow," the blonde hidden behind the bush exclaimed, stunned at the beauty he witnessed. His heart beat wildly in his chest like it would jump out of it soon and explode.
Not letting his gaze leave the sundown, the man put an arm around his son and soothed him. "No, son. I'm sorry, but we can't stay here..." His voice trailed off as he turned to look at his son. "...but, just maybe, we can move here and enjoy the peace and beauty of this town daily someday. So be patient, Ciel."
"Ciel is such a fitting name for the small boy," Michael exclaimed quietly. Suddenly he felt a nut fly at the back of his head. "What the hell?!" He yelled, turning to the squirrels he had previously been messing with. "Great." He mumbled, unpleased.
"Huh, what was that?" Ciel asked, pointing in Michael's direction. Being caught in the moment's heat, Michael quickly covered his mouth and tried to sneak away quietly. Yet to his bad luck, he stepped on a branch that broke in half soundly. "Poop," Michael whispered, lowering his head.
Soon, the branches of the bush got pulled apart by the man, revealing the little blonde boy. "Uh, hi?" Michael said, sounding as awkward as he felt. He's looking like a real creep right now, for sure.
"Hello, little fellow. What are you doing here all alone?" The man asked, astonishing Michael to the core. He stared at him wide-eyed and gulped down salvia, drying his mouth. "Running away." He answered shortly, facing away from the smiling man and pouting.
The older male chuckled at Michael's response and ruffled through the blonde's hair, "What's your name, buddy?" he asked. Michael was visibly astonished by the man's question, as though he had awaited scolding screams or unkind insults. "Michael Knight." The blonde then exclaimed, still staring at the male in front of him wide-eyed.
"Michael? That's a nice name. My name is Xavier Dujardin, and this is my son." His voice trailed off as he turned his gaze away from Michael to the boy sheepishly staring at them. "Ciel."
Ciel. What a beautiful name for the ocean-eyed boy. Michael oddly liked the sound of his name. He wanted to hear his name on repeat and say it again and again. "Hello," Ciel said shyly, fidgeting with his hands nervously and staring at the ground before looking up and shooting Michael an awkward, sweet smile. Unknowingly, Michael flushed red upon the smiling boy and chuckled - awkwardness flooding all his gestures. Why was his heart thumping so harshly in his chest? Why did it feel like it would jump right out of his chest?
"So, Michael, do you want to watch the sundown with us?" Xavier asked softly, but Michael couldn't hear him. He was trapped inside those gorgeous eyes he stared into deeply, letting himself get engulfed in their charm and beauty. The runny gradient of dark, disheveled marine into bright, soft turquoise complimented his messy, fluffy black-blueish hair. Whenever the sun shone upon it, it reflected the deep marine in his eyes and dipped into his delicate snow-white skin. Michael was mesmerized by this.
"Uh, yes." He answered, absent-minded. Xavier stared at Michael's eyes and followed his gaze, leading toward his beloved son. He smiled, seemingly understanding what spellbound Michael so heavily. Then, ruffling through the blonde's hair, he walked toward the cliff's edge, hearing Michael's footsteps behind him.
They sat at the border, listening to the rustling waves and peaceful forest. The water splashed against the shore, climbing the cliff and covering the sandy rocks in its foam. Millions of branches dipped in the wind, gently shaking their leaves in the hope of flight. The many blooming trees lost their ventures which took flight and discovered the world, wrapping it in its freedom and joy. The scene was beauteous, amity surrounding the three of them.
The silence reigning between them wasn't awkward at all. On the contrary, it was rather somewhat pleasant. Michael had never experienced such pleasantries. He was beyond stunned by their existence and the absence of urgency to run away from these strangers. It was somewhat odd to him, yet he dared not let his mind ruin this moment, so he silently valued the amity he was gifted with.
...
July 20th 2015 - Carmel-by-the-Sea
Michael was sitting in class, staring at the wall, while their teacher, Mrs. Petersen, talked about a project they had to do. The blonde wasn't listening at all. Even after all these years, his thoughts kept drifting off to the boy he had met on that cliff. His mesmerizing eyes kept Michael spellbound to him. He wasn't sure why or what things he desired to see in that boy. It's not like they'd meet again, right?
"We also have a new student who recently moved to our beauteous little town. Ciel, do you want to introduce yourself?" Mrs. Petersen said, stepping aside to the clicking of the opening door on the left. After hearing the announcement, Michael's mind drifted off to the cliff and the boy whose name was so similar. Those gorgeous ocean blue eyes, Michael dreamt of them, day and night. Their shine, their life joy - nothing could mesmerize Michael as they had.
"Hello, everyone. My name's Ciel, Ciel Dujardin. It's nice to meet you all, and I hope we can get along well." Michael's head shot up when he heard that pleasant voice echoing through the entire room. It was truly him.
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Heyo, Miss Saigon! I'm here to leave a review on your work!
First off, I really enjoyed reading this prologue. I agree with Kaia that Michael is acting a bit older than he should, but it was also fun to read his tantrum. It's angsty, but cute and funny at the same time XD I can imagine he'd be pretty chaotic as a teenager! On the other hand, Ciel seems calmer.
That leads me to my next point. I really like your descriptions, especially the ones about the sunset and Ciel's eyes. You did great at describing the colors and using strong words like engulfed, mesmerized, marine, etc. Also...
I bet Xavier's proud and thinking "all thanks to my genes" right now loll
Other than that, Kaia and Vampricone have pretty much said it all. I also really like Ciel's name; it's beautiful, and reminds me of Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler. Oh, and there is one thing (but it's not rlly important): I think "blonde" usually refers to a female with yellow hair, while "blond" is the term for males. So you can change it to blond for Michael if you want.
Just wanted to say this last sentence was short but impactful. I'm glad Ciel is back.
All in all, awesome work, and I really enjoyed reading it! Also, one last question, if you don't mind answering: are you Vietnamese as well? I noticed from your username MissSaigon and the Nguyen on the book cover.
Yes, am Vietnamese! Thank you so much for your review <3
Ciel is back! Will Ciel remember Michael? It had been years since they had seen each other. Hopefully Ciel will remember him. If not, it will be like the day they first met each other. Being with Ciel briefly helped calm Michael down. Could that feeling be restored? What would Michael do without Ciel around? I liked the way that you described the beach, it was very beautiful.
I wish you a lovely day/night.
Hi!
The first is that Michael's thoughts are pretty intense compared to his age. Especially when he thinks about his mother. Children have a natural loyalty to their parents and at that young age are not mature enough to sort through their feelings to discover exactly what they're dealing with. Even though the mother is alcoholic and likely mistreats Michael, I still think at the age of five, the child would show more of a link to his parent, realizing that she is the caregiver and he relies on her. Yes, anger fits are normal for young children, but the vast complexity of his thoughts are not exactly accurate to his age. Also, despite the fact that in movies, squirrels frequently throw acorns or other nuts at their attacker, in nature, that doesn't happen often (if at all).
Overall, I liked this, but I have a few points to make. And I might make them a bit sharp by accident. Please don't take offense. I'm only trying to help.
I suggest to fix these problems...maybe make Michael a little older?
Now for the things I liked... I really like the name Ciel. How do you pronounce it? I'm pronouncing it "See-el" and I'm curious if that's right. I also liked how you described Michael's fits, and how angry he got. That is very typical to young kids. Your place description is also good. It brings to mind very solid mental images of where the action takes place.
Good job, and happy writing!
-Kaia
Thank for this review, I will rework those parts.
Yeah, you pronounce Ciel right. I pronounce it like that too %uD83D%uDE0A
Did you come up with the name, or did you hear it elsewhere?
I came up with it bc I am learning French in school and I was like: %u201CI absolutely need his name to be something heavenly or up in the sky.%u201D Sky translates into Ciel, so I was like: %u201CBlue eyes, sky, that fits!%u201D

That%u2019s basically how I came up with his name
I came up with it bc I am learning French in school and I was like: %u201CI absolutely need his name to be something heavenly or up in the sky.%u201D Sky translates into Ciel, so I was like: %u201CBlue eyes, sky, that fits!%u201D

That%u2019s basically how I came up with his name
Clever! Good luck in your studies!
Thx!