He should have asked for fame
Instead he sought talent
But what is skill without recognition?
Beauty for his eyes only,
yet the years have turned it ugly
His brush once a delicate flower,
is now a burden and a curse
Not a penny to his name,
with enough art to fill a gallery
He waits for his end alone,
surrounded by his work
It is all he has left
after selling his soul
Then the howls begin
He welcomes the sound
of the hounds at his door
ready to reap their reward
They’ve waited patiently for a decade,
let him have his wish
The one he had made too hastily
Stupidity and desperation had taken hold
Now he understands and accepts his fate
The beasts break into the loft
His blood spray adds a certain flare to his latest work
He screams in pain but not in fear
as he is dragged into the Pit of Hell
Maybe, like Van Gogh
He’ll be worth something in death
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140,596 Literary Works • 673,546 Reviews
Dear Gangamash,
HOLY HECK THAT GOT DARK FAST. Hi, my name is Bailey. I just wanted to say that this was actually amazing to read. I did not expect that turn to happen, I just don't have the words.
I have a bulletin board (cork) in my room that I use to hang up little notes with quotes on them, just to keep in mind while writing. Most of them are optimistic, some focused and some creative. I only tell you this because I found a quote in this that i would actually put on my board:
"But what is skill without recognition?"
I fell in love with that line and it begged me to read on. Because it's so relateable. If you do not have the recognition, your skill is only enjoyable to you, but not useful. Many people try to avoid asking themselves that question, because they believe that having the skill will earn them recognition, but it doesn't necessarily always do so.
I also really enjoyed "Not a penny to his name." I know that it doesn't make a lot of sense that I would like, but I'm glad that you put that in, since I probably would've forgotten about that phrase and put in something else in it's place. In this case, it is extremely fitting, so I am glad you put it in.
The last two lines of the poem shocked me. Not a bad shock, a very good shock. I realized then that it was almost ironic. His skill was no use to him while he was alive, so it's almost imposing that he died for his skill to be useful to him, but of course it can't be useful to a dead man. So, yes, I suppose it is ironic.
Anyhow, all in all, beautifully written poem. I really loved it, and I hope you write more like it! I'll be searching for your name in the green room!
Have a good day/night!!!
Sincerely, Bailey Matwiiw.
Wow. I just realized I called you Gangamash instead of MissGangamash...
Hi MissGangamash!
This poem is interesting and dark. I love the last two lines, as they give the poem a nice ending.
I am a little lost when reading it, but in the end understand your point.
When I read the line "His blood spray adds a certain flare to his latest work," I picture a hose of red liquid spraying the walls, which is not exactly the mood I extract from this poem.
I would rather use the word spill, or just take that word out.
Overall, I liked reading this poem.
Good job!
Hi!
It is a bit ambiguous and you'd probably understand it more if you watch Supernatural, as its based on that.
I did mean blood spray. The hell hounds tore him apart. 'Spill' doesn't hold the same horrific impact.
Thanks for the review!
Hey there MissGangamash,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review.
Line-by-Line/Nit-Picks
Spoiler
Overview
I really liked this poem. Especially the ambiguity you put through out it. Unlike PearlC10, I think not knowing what the man's actual wish was or how he sold his soul is actually a great aspect to the poem. I mean, we could probably guess that he sold his soul to the devil since you mention hell and hounds -which typically makes me at least, think of hell hounds. But, if you want to change that, then please feel free to do so. Let's get on with a few notes why don't we:
1.You have no punctuation (besides on question mark at the beginning) and you start off every line with a capital word. Here's the problem:
Without punctuation, your readers don't know when one idea starts or stops.
->Punctuation in poetry is similar to punctuation in prose and serves almost the same purpose as bar lines in music without which the words and notes won’t flow all together. In order words, punctuation assists in organizing your words into discernible verses. Interestingly enough, many poets use punctuation marks without knowing why they use them; others just write their stanzas without using any marks at all, not deliberately of course, but just because they don't know how and where to use them. A third group of poets place punctuation arbitrarily, without realizing that punctuation actually aid the readers’ interpretation and also determines his/her breathe pauses.
***Punctuation gives the reader a brief release in tension, allowing him/her to pause for a moment and consider what has been read so far.
As with capitalization, when you write, you don't write with randomly capitalized words in the middle of your sentences (or at least I hope not.) Punctuation will help with this, but you should only capitalize lines that are the beginning of new sentences/ ideas/ etc.
-> Now I get that some things are stylistically done, however with every line capitalized, your writing can become jarring and strenuous to read. Be careful with that.
2. You should try and remove the extra space in between your lines. If you don't know how to do so, hit "shift+enter" instead of just "enter" when starting a new line. Doing so will help your poem look more uniformed and professional.
3. You'll notice I added a few words here and there. These are all just suggestions, you don't have to keep them. I only put them there to make your writing flow a little better. Same goes for all the places were I added punctuation for you.
Final Thoughts
All in all I think you have a pretty good piece here. I like it. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. If you have questions, please feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.
Hello!
I'll sort out the grammatical and punctuation errors. I don't really write poetry so I don't know the rules
This is based on Supernatural (best show ever) so you were right about the hell hounds haha.
Ah, that's the trick! I put the lines in between because it just kept clumping together.
Thank you for reviewing!
Of course, I'm glad to help someone on their journey to poetry. And yes, Supernatural is like life. I'm glad to find someone else who also thinks that.
Hi MissGangamash! Whatcha here for a review!
So, first I have to say that this strikes me as a metaphorical poem, so I hope I haven't interpreted it wrongly. If I have, I'm sorry.
Okay, grammar-wise I see nothing except that all your lines begin with capital letters.
Think about it. Now he understands and accepts his fate The beasts break into the loft His blood spray adds a certain flare . . . looks weird, right? So unless each line is a new sentence, de-capitalize them.
Here's a good time to add that these are all my opinions, don't take them to heart.
Anyway, continuing.
I love the first stanza, except for
''His brush once a delicate flower
Is now a burden and a curse''
First of all, cut out 'a' before curse. It sounds . . . unnecessary. Also, perhaps change ''his brush once a delicate flower'' to ''his brush, once able to create a delicate flower'', or something. Comparing to a flower itself doesn't work for me, but then again that might just be me.
And, if you aren't into punctuation I guess it isn't terribly important, but ''his brush, once a delicate flower'' with the comma reads better than before. Also, I would add a comma after flower.
In the second stanza. . .
First of all, ''gallery'' throws me off. I think it has too many syllables, so consider changing it to 'palace'.
Other than that, all I have to say is about the last line. ''After selling his soul''? Could you dig deeper into that? Why? How? did he sell his soul? It leaves, for me at least, a bit of a cliffhanger that you never answer, but that, like I said, may just be me.
Onto the third stanza!
Oh, wait . . . absolutely nothing to say about this one.
Fourth stanza:
''They’ve waited patiently for a decade
Let him have his wish
The one he had made too hastily
Stupidity and desperation had taken hold''
What wish? To die soon? To have talent, not fame? Here I get confused, though perhaps I missed something.
Also, perhaps change ''let'' to 'letting'? I feel like that would sound better.
Fifth/second last stanza
see the difference between
''his blood spray adds a certain flare to his latest work''
vs.
'his blood's spray adds a certain flare to his last works'?
I personally think the second one makes a bit more sense and sounds better, but that's, again, up to you.
Other than that, I love this stanza!
Lastly, the sixth/last stanza.
Again, nothing to add/take away from this.
Altogether, loved it! I see you didn't mean for your paragraphs to be the same length, so not going to comment on that.
Keep writing!
~whatcha
Hello!
I don't really write poetry but this just came to me the other night. I studied it in highschool but I still don't really understand the rules and regs for writing it. So I'm a bit rusty!
I used 'gallery' in the second stanza because he's an artist and his work should be in a gallery but no one has taken notice of his talent so instead they just crowd his loft apartment.
The whole piece is based on the tv show Supernatural. In it, humans can make deals with demons in exchange for their souls. The demons give them several years to live with their wish and then when the time comes, hell hounds hunt then down and kill them, sending them to hell. I guess you only know the full picture if you watch the show but I think there's enough in there to give you a general idea.
Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it
I get the use of gallery, like I said it had a few more syllables than sounded natural but some poets use that to make their sentences stand out.
Oh, that does make more sense.
You're welcome! I did indeed like it!