She needs you. You can tell by the way she looks at you. You found it flattering at first but now you feel her eyes on you all the time and it sends a chill up your spine. She’s been with you for a month now. She could leave whenever she wants but she doesn’t. She wants to be with you all the time. If it was anyone else, you would have killed her already. But she has something of value. Her blood. It’s so exquisite. Something you’ve never tasted before. You have tasted blood before; it’s what you crave on an hourly basis. But hers just has that extra kick.
You’re feeding from her now. From her wrist. You felt like biting into her neck felt too...tacky. Too personal. She throws her head back and she lets out a moan that comes from deep within. You have branded her all over her body. She likes the marks though. You see her sometimes smiling at herself in the mirror, stroking them with admiration.
She loves you. Which turns out to be in your favour because if she didn’t, you’d know she’d run. And you’d have to hunt her down which would require a lot of effort so once you’d finally catch her, you’d drink her dry. And then you’d have to scour the land for another mortal as delicious as her. If any did exist.
You wipe the blood that drips from your lips and look into her eyes. She smiles and strokes your cheekbone as if to thank you. You bite into your own forearm and push the open wound to her lips. She grabs your arm with both hands and feeds from you hungrily. You figured that she must have thought that this was some special ritual to bond you together as one because you knew that it wasn’t the usual dietary needs for a mortal yet she laps it up with as much joy as you do. But in actual fact, it’s a way to keep her from shrivelling up like a raisin. Your blood in her allows you to keep taking blood from her. You guess in a way, it is some sort of ritual. An endless circle. You’ve planned to keep her for as long as time will keep her on this earth.
You notice the sun ready to rise so you ascend to the bedroom. She follows as if she’s attached by a leash. You’ve told her again and again that she can enjoy the sun because she can. But she is somehow under the impression that it would upset you. So she sleeps in the day and wakes at night just like you. She snuggles up to you in bed. You used to try and push her off but you’d wake a few hours later with her somehow coiled around you again. So you gave up. You guess that now you would miss it if she stopped. You need her too.
You wake and shower. She’s still fast asleep. You like to listen to the melody of her breathing. The way her chest raises and falls. You tip-toe past her and head down the stairs. You make yourself a round of toast and sit on the sofa. The food doesn’t satisfy you but you eat it anyway. You jump to your feet at the sound of a scream, a tumble, a heavy thump and a crack. Your brows furrow with confusion and you head to the hallway where the sound seemed to originate. She’s at the bottom of the stairs in a heap. Her head is twisted at an awkward angle. An angle which could not be mastered without a broken neck. Had she fallen on purpose? Thrown herself to her death because she couldn’t deal with you anymore? Maybe she had clung to you in fear, not lust, and it had finally pushed her over the edge. You feel a hollow pit in your stomach. Your food source ran out sooner than you had anticipated.
But then her head twitches. Her neck snaps back into position and her eyes roll to life. You watch as she got to her feet like a puppet being yanked up by strings. She studies herself with a wide smile. She then looks straight at you. Her eyes now as dark as yours. Her fangs poke out of the bottom of her lips.
“Hello,” she says coyly, closing the distance between you. You smile as she stands in front of you. She places her hand softly on the back of your neck and pushes your head down so you lips meet hers. Her hands trail up the hem of your shirt and you feel her fingers rubbing up you abdominals. You smile, close your eyes and do the same. You hands trace her stomach then stop at her chest. You open your eyes to watch her as you thrust your fist through her chest, smashing her ribs and clutching her heart. Her eyes widen in sheer terror and her lips pull from yours. She tries to speak but she can’t. You’d like to think that she was pleading. You yank out her heart and watch her collapse. You let the plump blood bag roll off your fingers and hit the floor like a wet sponge. You didn’t need her anymore.
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139,699 Literary Works • 672,656 Reviews
I rather enjoyed this, I'm very picky with what I read so I've been moping because I've found nothing that captured my attention.
I'm really glad I found this, at first I was like this so dark and serial killer I was a bit concerned. But than it changed and I was few! ha-ha
The perspective and they way you told this story was quiet unique, you have created an original that shows high potential, and that potential has me jetting off to read more of your work.
The ending was a nice turn-around that really showed our protagonist personality. I would actually like to analyse his personality deeper, you could always do a short scene as a prologue or just do more of these cut outs and publish them as a book containing short scenes that stich together.
Well done.
Mikki x
Thank you so much for your lovely review! This is the first and only piece I've ever written in second person and it seems to have gotten a lot of positive feedback... maybe I should do it more often! haha.
This is just a one off piece, I like to let readers think for themselves about the characters backstories sometimes - makes it a little more interactive haha.
Thanks again!
You asked if I would check out your short story and I'm glad I did.
This is more than just a vampire story.
You portray what happens between two lovers, supernatural or not. Literal or metaphorical... when one decides they don't need the another anymore.
It's heartbreaking, or wrenching as in your story. The description is visceral. The interesting use of 'you' throughout makes the reader feel personally involved and their emotions compromised. It's very effective. An impressing, and promising short story.
Thank you so much for checking it out and the lovely comment. I'm glad you liked it
This was very interesting. Unique.
A few grammatical mistakes, which are not fun at ALL to talk about. "Maybe she had clung to you in fear, not lust, and it had finally pushed her over the edge .You feel a hollow pit in your stomach." The period is just misplace between edge and You. I do that all the time, too.
I know it is mentioned in previous comments, but the switching tenses really distracted me from the story. Especially in this sentence: "Her neck snaps back into position and her eyes rolled to life."
Surprise ending. I like it!
Keep writing!
Oh, thanks for pointing it out, just changed it
Darn, I thought I had got all the tense mistakes. I'm glad you liked it and thank you for commenting 
I like the story, and the way that you ended it. I wasn't expecting him to kill her, or to do it in that sort of way. The only thing I have a problem with is that it is so subject verb, subject verb. I aslo feel like you could have have decribed things a little more. To maybe go into deepth of the feelings, so that we could connect with the piece more.
Like instead of "So you gave up. You guess that now you would miss it if she stopped. You need her too." You could say something like "So you gave up, figuring you would miss her breath on your neck or the slow beats of her heart." or something like that.
Sorry if my review may seem mean. Other than what I said, it really was a good story and I loved reading it. Hope to read more from you soon(:
I'm glad you liked it and you didn't sound mean at all, it's just your opinion
And the reason why I didn't include a lot of feeling is because he is a vampire who has none. But I tried to show that even though he doesn't have feelings, he still oddly feels connected to her. Thank you for commenting 
lolol I love the ending. sorry, I'm kind of morbid like that ;D
I love that line: You didn't need her anymore.
this is soooo original! i'm not sure if I like how it's written or not though, addressing the reader as if he/she is the main character. maybe if there was more dialogue I would like it better, but that's just a matter of opinion. I didn't really notice many mistakes. yes, the tenses like theclosetkidnapper mentioned, but with the way it's written I think it's alright for the most part.
mostly the mistakes I noticed were spelling/typos.
1. She throws her head back and she lets of a moan that comes from deep within.
--replace "of" with "out"
2. And endless circle.
--replace "and" with "an"
3. You jump to your feet and the sound of a scream, a tumble, a heavy thump and a crack.
-- replace the first "and" with "at"
also, i'm not sure how the girl got turned into a vampire(i'm assuming that's what this is about). from what I picked up, the vampire feeding from her wouldn't have done it, because then his food source is gone, like he said at the end, he wouldn't need her anymore. is it because she drank his blood while she was still human? if so, make that a little more clear, otherwise add something in about how she was turned.
other than that, this was really good =)
Thank you so much for the comment. I'm glad you liked it
This is the only piece I have written in the second person, I was just trying out something new and I thought it made the story more effective. And yes , she became vampire because she died with his blood in her system. I was hoping it was clear but it's not really necessary to know anyway. The reason why I didn't explain it was because the reader was supposed to be the character in the story and he knew how she changed 
I just want to say that I loved this. It's beautifully written and just wonderful, in a twisted sort of way. I don't usually read horror or much of anything like this, but I decided to give it a try and I definitely don't regret it.
There are only a few things I can see right away that you might want to improve on, but not much. Just grammatical ticks that, because of the freedom to craft your style any way you choose, don't necessarily have to be changed; they're just suggestions.
1.) In the second to last paragraph, you write, "She then looks straight at you. Her eyes now as dark as yours." I think it should be, "She then looks straight at you, her eyes now as dark as yours." You have the second part its own sentences, when it is a fragment; and, although sometimes you can get away with it, it's usually best to play it safe.
2.) You switch tenses. You go from "She snuggles up to you in bed" and "You wake and shower" to "But then her head twitched" and "Her fangs poked out of the bottom of her lips" only to drift back to present tense. Most of the time, it still makes sense when you do it; but in the instance with the second to last paragraph it doesn't.
That's all I can see at the moment. I really enjoyed reading this and can't wait to see more from you.
Keep writing!
~Rocky
Thank you so much for the comment. I'm happy you thought it was beautiful in a twisted sort of way haha. My grammar can be a bit off sometimes but I'm working on it. I'm sorry about the tense thing, sometimes when I am writing I am so caught up in what I'm writing I forget what tense it is supposed to be in haha and when I reread my stuff, I read what I was supposed to put rather that what is there. I've edited it now so hopefully it is better
Interesting, its like something that would be in the Torment series. I like how the writing refers to the reader. I haven't seen a story that has done that yet here. There is a website called inkle studios, and what they are doing is making an online choose your adventure type of experience where users can submit their own work. I hope the site become popular. I think you could do make some interesting work there. You could easily make this into a digital choose your own adventure story.
Thank you
It's the first time I have written in the second person myself. I have just looked at the website and it looks very interesting. I might give it a go. Thank you for the suggestion 