Laid to Rest

Hiya @MissGangamesh! Stella here, for a review.

Boy, I actually really liked this. It was short, and clever. I always think that when you're going minimalist with your language you need to make every word count, and you did that, so really good job. It also captures a feeling that I think is really familiar to a lot of us, not just at funerals, but at any kind of good news, or bad news, that sinking feeling that your own emotional depth is lacking compared to everyone else's. It's a really clever emotion to write about, so good job.

My main issues, to be honest, are with single words and phrases, so apologies if I seem like I'm nitpicking, but hey, anything to make it the best it can be, right?

Black on black

Grim faces

You sense

something missing

I just hated "black on black" here, it feels a little lazy, and incomplete, it doesn't add up to a full image itself and it doesn't really add anything. If you fit it directly to clothes, or outfits or tablecloths (black tablecloths sound a bit OTT and morbid though) then I'd think it would work, but as a vague description of colour I just didn't like it, and I'm not fully convinced that it doesn't just exist here to fill in the top of the stanza. But you could do so much more with it! You could describe people's expressions as black, or use other dark descriptors, or really do something a little more impressive with this line.

Speeches and toasts

You raise your glass

Wanting to believe

fake loss

I just didn't like "fake" here. It doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. It feels too informal and almost too dumbed-down. I think maybe I've become abhorrent of the word due to the whole "fake news!" thing run by a certain someone in America, but either way, I think that a synonym would work better here.

I think my favourite phrase was "grief adjacent" - it was a really clever phrase, and a good descriptor, and one of your best, so it's good you used it at the start and drew my eye and my attention

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x

Hey, it's me to review! It's been a while since I criticize a poem, so please bear with me.

In a general outlook, this poem pretty much relies on short, incomplete sentences and that's fine! I used to do that before I went to lengthy lines. >.> However, there are some things you should account for when using this format.

First of all, poetry typically relies on imagery, and we want the imagery to be complete to pull us in and to make us understand. This poem has imagery, but it isn't showed to us in its completeness. There is no exploration to each imagery, which makes the poem a bit flat. Let us take the first stanza.

Words read
loving and kind.
You feel
grief adjacent.

Here we lack imagery and there's too much telling. 'Loving', 'kind', 'grief', you have to show these emotions and there are many ways for that. If you can't tell us precisely what kind of words are 'loving' and 'kind', you can compare them to perhaps 'flowers' or 'sunshine', anything that gives us something to imagine on how good the words are. Likewise, saying you feel grief doesn't give us much to feel. Show us how do you feel grief, because I'm sure, in a funeral, you don't just stand there like a robot.

Head tilts
Warm handshakes
Find yourself
mimicking sadness

There's definitely imagery here but it's delivered in a list format. Weave the imagery into something bigger. Head tilts for what? Warm handshakes between who? Dig deeper. What's beyond the warm handshakes? Perhaps the gesture isn't sincere, so you can move to the eyes. Are they cast downward to further portray sadness, or are there glimpses of sparkles in there, where perhaps the people shaking hands aren't actually that sad. Explore and explore.

Speeches and toasts
You raise your glass
Wanting to believe
fake loss

I feel this stanza is by far the most interesting one. The last line - two powerful, direct words - pull me back again to this poem. What do you mean with fake loss? Does the speaker attend the funeral out of politeness and don't really feel the loss of said dead person? But it seems somewhat contradictory to the previous stanza where they feel like there's something missing. Perhaps the death of the person leaves a hole in the speaker's heart, signifying the person is someone important, or perhaps what's lacking is the speaker's reaction to the person's death. Maybe the speaker doesn't feel anything, and that's what they're missing. However, I don't know about this because the poem is delivered in a vague way, so I strongly suggest you to give us more clues by what of imagery, metaphors, and what not. The last stanza further supports the lack of emotions the speaker feel in this funeral.

And that is all! I would suggest us to make the poem clearer with longer words, and utilize imagery in a higher degree. There is potential in this poetry where if it's dissected with enough care, it can deliver its message more poignantly. Keep improving!