The Changing New Years

Hiya,

So, I like what you're trying to get at with this, and I like what I think that this could become. However, right now it just falls a little flat. This is because, in the loosest sense of the word, this is not a story. It isn't because it fails to have a basic conflict that the characters can resolve throughout their strength, wits; whatever. Instead, what you do is take an interesting idea and only hint at the conflict, thus making the resolution automated and stilted. We're never given any build-up to it, and thus we're not excited, we don't relate to Riley's happiness when we find out that her father is going to try to act differently. Let me give my thoughts on this piece to bit-by-bit, so I can figure out the exact problem that's plaguing this.

It was an hour until midnight on New Year's Eve. Riley was on her porch, alone, watching the early fireworks light up the black sky. She wouldn't be doing fireworks this year, her father had forgotten about New Years because of his grief. Riley's mother had died on New Years of last year when a drunk driver had slammed into her car. Since then, her father wasn't the cheery all-around guy that he use to be. He was quieter and reserved, never laughing or smiling as he had before.

Right now, this bit has a lot more potential then what you've given it right now. It's all telling; no showing, no letting your reader immerse themselves in the scene. This bit could probably cover the course of a whole short story, because what do you have to do? Build up to the mother's death, describe the accident scene, maybe how they found out, and her father's slow transition to what he's like now. It's good to be subtle, but right now, it seems as if you're being too subtle. Try to really dive into the prospect of why her father is the way he is. If we know what he's going through, we can relate to him, and it will be a lot more powerful to hear him say what he says at the end.

Riley pulled out a worn picture of her mother and looked at it. Her mother's twinkling brown eyes looked at her and her smile shone through the tears that had sprung from Riley's eyes. But Riley still smiled at her. She wiped the tears off the picture before she put it away.

A lot of my comments on the last bit apply here as well. What are you doing? Shoving us stilted, generic memories that the MC has of her mother. Right now, they don't mean anything to the reader. You've given us no reason to care. Just because something bad happens to a character in a story, it doesn't mean the reader will be automatically sympathetic toward them. In the case of the death of the parent, it's actually fairly cliche. Everyone dies. A lot of people have their parents die. What should make Riley unlike all the rest? Dive deeper into the relationship that the two had, and it will make this scene seem more effective.

Her watch beeped once and she knew that it was a half an hour until midnight.

At the beginning of the story, it was an hour till midnight. The only thing that she's done so far in the story is take a picture of her mother and look at it for a few seconds. You have to watch little things like that-I'm guilty of it too. Revise-maybe she can start to day-dream, or you can set up the time frame a little differently.

If her mother was still alive, she would go to the kitchen that was lit by candlelight and her and her parents would each say one thing that they would do to improve their self-being. They they would each have a glass of wine (Riley had sparkling cider) and toasted to the New Year. Riley doubted this would happen this year. But something inside her made her get up and walk to her dark kitchen. In the cabinet, Riley found the candles, wine glasses, and a bottle of wine her mother had bought in the beginning of last December. She set them on the table and lit the candles. They casted shadows on the pictures on the refrigerator, pictures of her and her parents going to Yellowstone Park, Lincoln's hometown, Mark Twain's house, Disney World, and many other famous places around the U.S. Places her mother would never be able to go to again.

This paragraph just screams info-dump to me. We're given no information that's absolutely vital to understanding the story-just flat, tell-y descriptions of what the MC's house is like and what their New Years routine is. Here, it seems as if the story has been stopped so you can describe anything, and having to read through all of this, the reader gets bored. We want to always be moving along with the characters, slowly learning information about them as they do. This information can be easily dispersed through dialogue, and shorter descriptions. Read through this paragraph, and you'll notice a lot of unnecessary adverbs that be cut out to make this shorter.

"Do you think that you are old enough to drink wine?" he asked her.
"At sixteen, yes, I think so," Riley replied.
"Good then. I'll start off the tradition," he said.

It seems highly unlikely that an exchange like this would occur. If she's sneaking into the kitchen to get wine, she's doing so for a reason; because her dad wouldn't let her. Her dad knows the country's laws; being old enough to drink is not something one decides for themselves. Maybe there's an under-tone of sarcasm, but you hint at nothing. Maybe he could allow her to have just a sip of his wine at first. A glass to herself would be plausible, but unlikely. He definitely would NOT allow her to have all that she wanted.

She resolved to make sure that they both would live through this new year. Everything had changed but that doesn't mean the world had stopped turning. They'd get through it all, no matter what.

This is a lovely ending. I just love how warm and optimistic it makes me feel. In conclusion, it's not a bad idea. I just think that where it's at right now is much lower then the maximum potential you could reach this too. It's so bare that I don't feel sympathetic for either Riley or her dad, or realize what they're going through. I'm curious as to why you've chosen New Years; I know it's a time to start over, but it seems to be a massive holiday for Riley and her family. I don't know if that was what you were going for or not, though. Good luck with this, and PM me if you need anything.

-Elinor x

Wow. I hope you aren't basing this on personal expierience. They say write what you know, but I wouldn't want to know this. Anyway, there's an issue with your title.

The Changing New Year's

There's no apostrophe in New Years, even if you meant something else. Now, I've looked over this a few times, and I can't seem to find any plot holes, spelling or puncuation errors, and/or unrealistic dialog in any way, so nice job. That's a difficult life for our character, but you've obviously displayed a truthful and meaningful message in this work, so keep writing. Oh, and I forgot, here's a GOLD STAR!