Addiction– this word was eating me up
Is it really a negative word?
At least I think so.
I tried to classify it into two types-
Positive and negative..
Positive–
Reading, writing, washing hands.
Negative–
Drugs, cigarette, alcohol...
But are the positive ones good?
Really good? Think deeply.
Aren't they distracting?
Yes, they distract us.
Always they act
As distracting agents
You can't concentrate in anything
Due to this including yourself!!
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Canary word: Present
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Nice way to say "everything in moderation". I do want to know, however, what your "positive addictions" are distracting you from. Aren't your passions, reading and writing, what is distracted from? But maybe that's just me.
Nice way to say "everything in moderation". I do want to know, however, what your "positive addictions" are distracting you from. Aren't your passions, reading and writing, what is distracted from? But maybe that's just me.
Nice way to say "everything in moderation". I do want to know, however, what your "positive addictions" are distracting you from. Aren't your passions, reading and writing, what is distracted from? But maybe that's just me.
Thanks for the comment
MirrorOfTheSun,
At first, I thought this poem might be about OCD (i.e. hand washing) and how it can make even the simple acts in life almost addicting. But once I read the lines about substances I understood better. But then you dip back into the positives, wondering if they really are positive. It leads me to believe that there could be a double meaning behind what you intended (that's not a bad thing). I really enjoy poems that could be interpreted in many different ways.
The styling format is enjoyable too; it clarifies the stark(?) difference between negative and positive.
I was a little confused at the last line:
But it might be my fault for not reading it properly!
Great job.
LCP
Basically the last line says that due to addiction which always acts as distracting agents, you can't focus or you might say you can't think properly about anything including yourself, i.e. you can't think about yourself also. I hope I was able to make you understand.
Thanks for the review
Hey there, @stygianmoon17 here for a review
You explore something really interesting about addictions.. is it all that bad..?
Obviously, drugs and cigarettes and alcohol is bad for you, so they're terrible addictions. But what about reading? Writing? Maybe the make you disconnect from the world too much? So they're not all that great.
But music for example, that's probably the best addiction. So maybe even a thing like addictions aren't all good or bad, aren't all white or black.
I loved the way you structures this poem, with positives on one side and negatives on the other, and that stream of words and thoughts in the middle. The flow worked pretty well, and I don't have much to say except maybe for those last two lines. I don't really get the last one, "You can't concentrate in anything/ Due to this including yourself!!" Kinda missed the point there. Maybe it's a typo so the main point changed. I'm not too sure.
Basically the last line says that due to addiction which always acts as distracting agents, you can't focus or you might say you can't think properly about anything including yourself, i.e. you can't think about yourself also. I hope I was able to make you understand.
Thanks for the review
yesss now I get it !!
I love the creative style of this poem and the concept of positive and negative. It shows the narrator's line of thought as they think of the theme of addiction using the different spaces and going from left to right. Additionally, by putting the end bit in the middle, it represents how that is the main part of the poem- the conclusion.
However, in the last part, I think that you have used distract a bit too much, could you maybe review your word choice a little bit so you can extend your point of view and your conclusion? Additionally, I think that there are parts which could do with a bit of punctuation to make it clearer and more concise:
With this line, could you put a comma after always: Always, they act
In this line, rather than in, it would be on.
With this line, I felt as if the two words 'due' and 'including' wouldn't fit together arranged the way they are. Perhaps you could say: Due to this, yourself included!
I reckon that this would maintain the structure and rhythm but make it have a little bit more sense.
I loved this poem and the creative style that you have chosen- it's always fun to read poetry like this.
I enjoyed reading this.
I liked your suggestions. Thank you so much
No problem