Evil

Hey! Nice job
I think this was great, but I have to agree with Pix. You should try to capitalize more. I think you've got a good perspective. Good job
KRose

Hey! Pix here!

Alright, so I really liked this peice and I think it's a different kind of poetry then I usually read, And that's a good thing because I like to try - in this case read- new things. So...awesome!

Let us start out with the structure. This is one thing that has confused me. You start one line with a capital letter...then lowercase? What's up with that? In grammar, you have to make sure it's readable. In this case, It was but just harder to. Sometimes in grammar you have to think what's easier to read, though creativity is always the answer.

Overall, this poem was different, descriptive, and very well meaningfull. I would give this a 9/10. Great job and keep writing!

~Katie

Nope, not digging it. In fact, I am not sure if I would even call it a poem. It's just a series of sentences. There are a number of problems here, Mr Jones, but the most critical is the lack of two critical poetic devices; imagery, and metaphor. These two devices is what separates poetry from any other type of literature. Basically, if you can say what you want to say with prose, why write a poem? Observe:

EVIL;
It's the rotten, black, bug that runs through you, it feeds savagely on your good, and doesn’t stop till there’s nothing left. You may ask the question, can I fight it? You cannot combat evil. Evil, crushes and envelopes your memories, it devours your dreams, swallowing it whole without hesitation there’s no way back, after that.... etc.

What difference did that make to the meaning of the poem? Not one bit. This reads like an essay. There is nothing for the reader to grab on to, nothing to incite and excite the imagination, nothing to make this piece in any way remarkable. I bet I won't be able to remember a single line of this poem by tomorrow. It just had no impact on me.

Here's what you need to do; don't be so blunt in your poetry. Don't just tell me things. I already know a lot of things. You need to show me things, preferably things I haven't seen before. Describe something to me. Don't take me somewhere, just point me in the right direction and let me figure it out for myself. I want to read your poem, then re-read it, then think "huh. I never thought about it like that before." You do this with imagery and metaphor. Take something I don't know, and connect it to something I do know. Basically say "X (something I don't know) is like Y (something I do know) because of [whatever]" Even better, say "X is (or is represented by) Y" and trust me to make the link. Say something so remarkable and genuine and original that I wake up the next day thinking about it.

How to improve? Two ways:
1. Practice. Write a whole bunch of poetry. Be your own harshest critic. Find out your habits, what you're comfortable doing, and decide whether or not you like it. Show it to more experienced poets, and listen to what they say.
2. This is even more important than number 1. READ A WHOLE BUNCH OF POETRY! You can't write good poetry if you don't even know what good poetry is like. Check out famous poets, or the experienced guys on YWS (message me if you would like me to point you in the right direction). Just read a heap of poetry. Decided what you like and don't like, and (more importantly) decide why[/]. If they're a YWS poet, maybe write a review. You just have to experience poetry. My advice? Read (and I mean [i]really read - pull every line apart until you fully understand every angle of every level of every line) thirty top-notch poems for every one poem you write. Believe me, if you did that you will quickly become the guy I point the young cats to, saying "check out this guy, he knows what's up."

It's been real,

Mr. K.

Wow, this sends a really strong message.
I really like the story, how you put this all together.
The only thing I think you might want to look at again is some slight punctuation errors. For example:

Evil, crushes and envelopes your memories,

and after that, there is nothing else left, but hate.