Serene sands

Hello, this is Ina also known as loveissourgrapes and I am here to give you a review/comment. Since I scrolled deep into the Green Room and I found this. It caught my eye because of it's refreshing title, Serene sands. Anyways, let's go baby!

First impressions. Wow, a very refreshing poem since I have been reading many sad stories and poems by the newer writers. And I find this refreshing because one, it reminds me of the beach and the beach gives off refreshing vibes. Two, it's feels happy and has a different genre from these sad stories/poems. Not saying they're bad but it's good to read something else, right? Since I want to go to the beach and I can't because the cases are rising, so I cannot go to the beach right now. I am happy that I can imagine seeing a beach while reading this masterpiece by our wonderful writer @Mikatsune. So I thank you for that because I haven't been in a beach in awhile also.

"The atmosphere is calming
The gentle waves are calming"

These lines were very welcoming, making me want to read further. I can imagine the beach and its calming atmosphere as the gentle waves run through my ears.

"the sun sets, setting the sky ablaze
Warmth surrounds me like an embrace"

And yes. Imagining standing there, watching the wonderful sight of the sun setting as the heat feels like somebody hugging you.

"The sand feels golden
The world feels open"

The description of the sand was pretty short. Maybe you should explain more about it. But the line, "the world feels open" is just right because, it is something you feel. It is a perfect line.

"A masterpiece of art
the swelling in my heart"

This is a very set of lines because before this you have describe what you feel and now you are in these lines. The line, "a masterpiece of art" reminds me of what @KaiaJersaga said about your poem.

"The only place where peace exists
Is the place where my feet are standing now."

I love how it just ends here. I can see the anime girl on your avatar, standing in the middle of the beach. Watching the sunset, and the waves hitting the sand. Enjoying the beauty of the beach.

Overall, it is very beautiful and imaginary. It felt wonderful to read this, thank you very much. Just fix that one line. To me, it felt kind of basic than the rest. You could add bigger words to it for it to stand out like the rest. Add something more than golden. Don't stop writing! Good day/night! Stay safe and healthy everyone!

Wow! Beautiful poem. It brings back beautiful memories of my past visits to beaches. I love the rhythm you use here. It sets the poem up for such a beautiful scene. The poem is so short, but it accurately puts the reader in the scene experiencing the beauty and peace of an evening on the beach. Beautiful!

Keep up the good work!
-Kaia

Hi Mika,

So it's me again leaving you a review.

First of all: Wow! That's just so diligently written and sweet to read. You did a great job describing the feeling of how it feels to be at a beach.

About your writing style:
Your rhyming fits very nice together and is so like stairs you know. One step after another, like a zipper also. One by one. Your word choice is great. It's like you've really hand-picked out the best words for the job, the poem.

One of my <3 sentences is:
"A masterpiece of art
The swelling of my heart"

I know it doesn't really relate to all the beach stuff and that's why I think it's so unique. The art and heart go so well togther it's all so thinked trough. Awesome job, Mika!

About the content and meaning:
It gives me this vivid image in my head and feeling as if I'm lying in the sun on a beach. Your writing style and imagination are a great combination together. I love the opening sentence, you start with the atmosphere and I think that's very on point.

The fact that you described the sand as golden, I can totally relate. Especially when the sun is shining on it, it kinda shimmers.

"The world feels open" Nice rhyming over here and great content.

These sentences are the best way the poem could have ended:
"The only place where peace exists
Is the place where my feet are standing now."

It's just you're word choice again, that makes this different and sweet. "The place where my feet are standing now." The beach, awesome sauce...

You've really thought this trough, haven't you? Just Fantastic in the air!

I think you did a great job on your beach poem and really brought up old, but fantastic memories. Once again, amazing word choice. Keep writing, Mika. I'd love to read more of your poems soon.

- Rinisha

Ps: Are you continuing blood drive? I'm looking forward to it, it was so great.

Hey there,

Love your short sweet poem! And your title is so unique. It's very amazing how you managed to put so much emotion in just a few words. There isn't much to say, but you just created a work of art, in words.


"Art is visible in many ways- some see it, some read it."
-Rose