Every little thing you do makes my heart skip my mind is flooded with you day and night and it eats me to know that I can’t fully commit to you as i wish i could, you are my heart's one desire, who knew that me and you were bound to meet bound to form the connection we have but yet still be far from one another’s heart, we are like two birds in the sky gliding into the unspoken feeling we both fear to pronounce from our lips what we feel it a great warm feeling yet i still feel empty.
By: Mido
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Hi Mido!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I really enjoyed reading this poem! I loved the way you have attempted to capture the emotions of the speaker. I say 'attempted' because I have a feeling that there is a lot more going on in the speaker's heart and I am not sure if they themselves know how to express those emotions to the person that matters.
I personally liked your choice to write it in the form of a paragraph. The complete lack of structure, formatting, punctuation or even capitalization did make it a little difficult for me to follow the poem during my first read as I could not grasp where one line began and where another ended. However, this is a creative choice that works well for you in this instance. I don't think the poem would have held the same meaning for me if it had been structured in the conventional sense.
The way you have written this feels more like a rambling of the heart - almost like overwhelmed confessions whispered out loud in a single breath. The speaker's nervousness is very apparent, but there is also hope and expectation behind their words. Makes me wonder what exactly they are holding themselves back for, especially since the poem hints that the other person may share their feelings as well.
There's just one little thing:
I think you are missing an 'is' before 'a'. In case I made absolutely no sense to you, the sentence should read like this: "it is a great warm feeling yet i still feel empty."
Overall, this was a really good poem! Thank you for sharing it with us!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Hello, this is Kelisot for a review. Your poem has an interesting structure of a stanza being a paragraph... Not sure if this is because you didn't know how to make new lines, some error, or purposely made your poetry a paragraph. Whatever the reason, I love how you just destroyed the poetry norm. (I'm proud of you!!!)
The name abstract might be a pun, because an abstract abstract is a "in a nutshell" paragraph which you put in research papers. So maybe that's why it's in a form of a paragraph, haha. Or maybe it actually means abstract as in abstract art, where expression breaks the common norm by expressing messages and art by circles, lines, and several artistic characters.
However, going back to your poem. Your poem seems to be a cute, somewhat a love letter of someone confessing to someone else, such as narrator saying:
It's cute, honestly. Wow. This expresses exactly of how if we look towards, cherish, or love someone, we will love every little thing they do, like how they smile, eat, or even times they make mistakes. We accept and love them, unlike people we hate, which we loathe all aspects. Like how if you adore and look upon a god, you will invest all your fiath in them and even believe their ridiculous crimes can be justified. Kind of a dark analogy, but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.
The latter half of the poem gets interesting:
Oh, the misery. Although both parties feel the love and joy, the grief! None of the two are coming out to tell each they love one another. The first love and joy makes the narrator feels happy and fuzzy, but the bittersweet feeling goes because of no one telling the truth to each other. In the end, this is abstract, as no one is properly expressing, and their actions can be explained several ways. It is harder to understand.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you.
thank you vey much for your review I really appriciate I'm glad you liked it
i did purposely want the poem to be a paragraph mainly because most of the things i wrote where about how i felt it wasn't really meant to be a poem in a way but more of me writng how I felt in the moment.
Welcome to YWS! Can I just say that I like how you put them close together? I’m not sure if that was intentional,but it looks like someone’s cascading and complicated thoughts of love.Like the narrator wants this but is freaking out at the same time.That’s just what I think,anyway.It’s nice and short.Good job.I hope that you will have a beautiful and fantastic day and night.
!! thank you very much for your review!! I appricate your welcome,
I see that you understood my poem very well and i'm really glad you did it was intentional to put what the Narrator wanted but also the fear of getting what they wanted I just wanted to show how confusing emotions can be sometimes we think we are prepared for something but when it time to go and take what we wanted we freak out or theres something that has to be resolved. but I really do appricate your review