Garage Sale of Memories

I haven't written poetry in a while. This is sorta a rewrite of another of my poems
that I wrote for NaPoWriMo (which I failed horribly at). I'll provide the swords if you'll
promise to rip it to shreds. :smt065 Seriously, don't hesitate to be mean about this
one, it needs some major work. Edit: I edited it January 4, 2009. I'm still having a little problem with the advertised thing and repeating myself.
~~

Garage Sale of Memories

Garage sale!
Get things while they're cheap
The sign was old and faded,
Just like what it advertised

Follow the road to an old house,
and look at what's left

A golden teddy bear,
Repaired over and over,
Price: $1,000
A picture, worn and faded
of a little boy
and his grandfather
sailing.
Price:$889.95
A blanket,
colors faded,
and holes taking over
Price:$1,220
"Why such high prices for all this junk?' they ask.

"That's not junk,"
The man replies.
"They're memories."

Comments & reviews · 7
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
snowberry23
Review

If I could give you an A plus I would—I just loved this piece! I almost think it should be longer…
Hm, I don’t know, just a thought. It may give the readers more sense of where they are if you added a little hint of imagery here and there, oh god I sound like my English teacher…sorry.
Anyway, I loved it…seriously no sword needed to rip his piece to shreds.

User avatar
God
Review
God wrote a review · Sat Jan 03, 2009 11:00 pm

I don't believe it needs much fixing,
I like the idea, and i may steal it for a story, if you don't mind that is.

the idea that memeories are much more expensive than we usually give them credit for is an interesting view,
you know someone with alzheimers? or other memory problems?
i reall enjoyed hte poem, it was... almost sad, it had very tired feel to it, as you will see with old age,
if you have any idea what i''m tlaking about, well, great, if not, oh well,

gold star.

Peace,
God

User avatar
MidnightVampire
Comment

Thanks guys! I'll have to fix this tonight. I would right now, but I'm trying to review some poems (and then I noticed people had critiqued it). Pm me if you want anything reviewed (critiqued).
~MV

Random avatar
lukas8u
Review
lukas8u wrote a review · Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:45 am

I reall like this

Garage sale of memories
Get 'em while they're cheap.
The sign was old and faded,
like the memories it advertised.


Pretty much the only problem I have with this stanza is the last line. You make a great rhyme up to that point, and then kapush.. rhyme out the window. Maybe use the word dated to describe the memories?

This rest of it is free verse, and you pull of the transition between the two types of poetry pretty well.

I rate this poem 87l100

User avatar
music
Review
music wrote a review · Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:55 am

That was a really good message you sent out there; that memories are priceless.

Garage sale of memories
Get 'em while they're cheap.
The sign was old and faded,
like the memories it advertised. I thought this line was a bit odd. I think you should omit the word advertise with another word.


But other than that, it was good.

User avatar
Mars
Review
Mars wrote a review · Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:53 am

Oh goodness! I love this. (And I think it's fine here.) Really, your idea and your words and everything are great! It's awesome. So I'm sorry, but I only have some nitpicks for you: :)
Quote: and holes taking its place
Taking what's place? The blanket's? That's odd. Or the colors' place? Then 'its' should be 'their'. I suggest, instead, and holes taking over. That conveys the same message, but a bit more smoothly.
Quote: "Why such high prices for all this junk?' You ask.
Hum...second-person sounds a little strange here. I think it's partly because it's not using "you" as a collective, "everyone else" sort of you, but a specific person kind of you, just like one might say he or she. Does that make sense? :? Anyway, just read it again and see what you think.
And the only other thing I noticed was that you used the word memories a lot. I get that that's the point of the poem, but I also think it would be stronger if you held onto that word and then used it just in your line at the end, and then it's like, bam! Memories. Reflections, remembrance, recall, retrospection, those are all synonyms for the most part. Just think about it :D
Again, good job. I look forward to seeing the slightly edited version? :) PM me if you need anything.



I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good... then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness.
— Leo Tolstoy