Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
"And were back to square one." I muttered, staring up at the looming buildings of Heytsbury Senior in all its morning glory.
I again wondered, if I was ready for yet another year of mental overload. I could barely keep up with my life as was, let alone adding homework, drama and of course, the mean girls of high school that were bound to pop up.
Once we had reached year 10 we were given the option to continue our studies in our rural area or we could transfer to the next town over were we’d be offered a wider range of subjects… and less sleep, given that we had to catch earlier buses.
Our whole campus was dedicated to year 11 and 12. Of course most of our year had transferred over last year.
You would think in a place packed with over fifteen hundred body’s you wouldn't run into anyone that hated you, but no, I ran into them a lot. Sure they sneered, glared and whispered, but aside from those two girls it were a fresh start. And no one noticed you in a place this size, so there was no gang ups or isolation like high school, everyone was mature and nobody criticized you for being you. I can do this.
I walked across the street to the front gates and hurried along the grass - still wet from the sprinklers the night before. Through the staff parking and another set of gates over to the cola area.
In all my time here I had never figured out why it was called that, other than the fact every couple of months the school held fates under the outside pergola seating area and sold a lot of cola.
I skipped over to the only table were the guys already sat waiting. Trav and Rob got up as early as me to catch buses from neighboring towns even sadder than mine.
"What the fuck?Why would you put no running signs along the roof for? What they think were just ganna go running from building to building?"
Apparently nothing had changed much during the Christmas holidays if they were back to this again.
Following his excessive hand gestures I eyed the roofs of the surrounding buildings. On them and the walkways connecting them, every couple of meters or so there was a no running sign - Eight on the main building three on the walkways - exasperated I gave the same answer I did last time… And the time before that.
Shrugging as I sat down I replied "Maybe it’s for the handy man."
Trav turned raised eyebrows on me but still gave a nod in Acknowledgment "Because handy men just love to jump across buildings, its turning into a real problem, yep, I believe I heard that on the news the last night."
I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm as the two hashed out reasons why our school felt the need to make that fact explicitly clear. It was a bit weird; I mean I get three signs on the main building, but eight? It only held twelve rooms.
Seated at the end of the table I decided to tune out.
While I had missed them over the holidays, I had forgotten how weird and exasperating the guys were.With long blond oily hair, brown eyes and a goatee Rob was a metal head, - a completely wacko one at that who that had few brain cells when it came to life decisions and reasonable thinking. Across from him Trav was the polar opposite, where Rob had un-kept long waves Trav had short artfully messy Chestnut hair and blue eyes. With his nice sense of humor he was funny, sarcastic and easy to get along with. But when his love for retelling the same story reared its ugly head? it wasn’t pretty.
Like the time his mother accidently texted him asking whether he wanted niggers and chips instead of nuggets. He took literally every chance he got to work it into a conversation, at least two times a month.
Tuning back in I groaned wanting to hit him with my text book only I couldn’t be bothered."nooooo!"
His grin widened, I swear he did it just to spite me.
"Who wants niggers and chips?" Corry asked.
Coming to a stop beside me, he placed his bag down and hugged me from behind.
"Hey" he murmured.
"Hey, Trav is telling the niggers and chips story again," I Heard a chorus of groans behind me as the Erin's and Zack's of the group kicked up protests. I giggled as Corry let go.
Correy had light curly red hair and was the natural brainiac of the group that filtered in an out of the mornings. Behind him the two Erin's sat with their coffees. I got up and hugged them and gave a quick wave to the Zack’s, only one of them was a permanent fixture in our group; with greasy black locks and glasses he Zack was a nice kid that fed us when we hounded him.
Once we were all seated and EJ, keesh and Sheldon arrived, we were all still arguing over Trav's need to tell us the same story over and over again when one of the Erin’s shouted:
"we just don't give a damn! God sometimes I just want to hit you with my car."
Zack turned to her with raised eyebrows “ha, what car? You don’t own one.” Before Erin could fire back, Jess having appeared out of nowhere, sat her bag down across from mine, with a concerned look on her face.
"Why do you want to hit Trav with your car?"
Every one turned towards her and Jess shrunk away, she was extremely shy and hated attention.
“Don’t even ask” Erin pleaded just as Trav spoke up, and, the preverbal shit hit the fan.... again. The auguring was getting louder, the crazy sibling banter reaching a block your ears level, I was stunned at some of the creative suggestions the Erin’s came up with to dispose of Trav’s body. Rob and Correy sat back laughing while the Zack’s made casual sarcastic remarks as the trio reached the table.
"Oh no not this again, no, just no!"
Sheldon turned around his long trench coat blowing in the breeze even though it was summer. "Were leaving, let’s all go back to chickens!"
immediately everyone gave up and stood. Agreeing I laughed at Trav's face as everyone cleared out.
"What? What did I do? All I did was talk about food."
Shaking my head I got up."Come on you Dill, if we don't round them up imagine the trouble they'll cause trying to cross traffic."
He laughed. "True, hey did I ever tell you about the time we found a goat? We named him Lunch. Then he ran away."
“God give me strength” I murmured, “Yes you have Trav.” He grinned a cheeky smile and chuckled we all walked faster to get away from him.
¥
The tardy bell had already rung by the time we returned and hurried off to Pathways. By the time I got their and Plopped down next to Kelly I was exhausted.
She nudged me."Hey, I didn't see you this morning, were wore you?"
I shook my head "The guys escaped back to chickens after Trav stared retelling his niggers and chip story." She screwed up her face.
"How bad?" I rolled my eyes to try to stop from giggling.
"Horrific, I think we’re going to need a body bag by the end of the day, their suggestions sounded really genuine."
She smiled still shaking her head as I took in the subtle changes to her appearance.
Short frizzy hair brushed her shoulders, a shade or two lighter than before the holidays. A nice tan and new fringe complemented her complexion. Two big grey eyes stood out from a pale face with pouty pink lips covered in a layer of gloss. Her clothing managed to be stylish yet classy: a white button down blouse with blue jeans and sandals. Compared to my torn jeans, old sweater and dirty sneakers I felt like a homeless person next to her.
I smiled and leaned over and hugged her, "I missed you." I murmured in her hair. She kissed my cheek and hugged me back even tighter.
"Me too, though I saw you last week." Seeing my expression she laughed.
"You need a man, that's it. You need to get out more."
I looked away."Right, that's what I need."
I didn't mean for her to hear but she still did, even if I hadn't said it she knew me to well.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. But you need to forget about him, he was a dick.If I ever see him again ... Boy will it get physical."
My lips twitched, yeah, it would get interesting to say the least. I had known Kelly all my life basically; she’d been my rock these last past six months.
Last summer I had fallen head over heels, or so I had thought - with the only man I would ever describe as radiant or beautiful; he was smart, funny and intelligent. And as dumb as it sounds it had been different, he was different.
Adam was tall and thin, with shoulder length golden brown hair, prominent cheek bones, an angular nose with ruby pink lips. He was gorgeous.Even now l could envision him as if he were standing right here before me; His brown eyes would be sparkling and his lips twitched in a secretive smirk. We had met through mutual friends and well, as they say the rest was history... Like all good love story's though it had ended in tears.
I really had though he was different, part of me still did, but now… now he was gone.I pushed him to the back of my mind and turned to the front of the class, determined to face the New Year and leave the past just that: The past.
¥
The morning passed uneventfully and after checking our schedules Kelly and I agreed to meet at the caf at lunch.
Hurrying under the walkways to the cafe I quickly checked my phone for the twelfth time that day, no texts, no missed calls, nothing. I sighed hoping everything was okay at home.
I pushed that thought aside as my stomach twisted. Ever since he’d left the feeling had been growing in the pit of my stomach, the visions becoming stronger, frequently, and more real. This one slapped me like a title wave; the strong smell of smoke curled around me and suddenly I was transported somewhere else, somewhere dark.
I Heard voices, muffled by intense feelings of grief and...? I couldn't describe it, it was like losing the only thing you had left, wanting to curl up in a ball and die along with it… Despair? It was so real and intense it struck my soul as if it was my own… and then came a calm acceptance. But it felt weird, like it was from me but wasn’t, suddenly I realized it wasn't coming from me at all, no, It was aimed at me, along with a tinge of relief and happiness.
Shocked I drew in a shaky breath and my eyes connected with another’s just as a firm body collided with mine.
I gasped and doubled over.
"Shit, I'm sorry." The guy’s hands rested on my arms to steady me, and I looked up into dark blue eyes that oddly reminded me of the waves of the beach at night.
I bent to pick up my text books and phone. Were those feelings coming from him?
"No, uh, it was me sorry, I was in a hurry." he handed me my phone but I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from his face. He had ruggedly handsome features; angular cheek bones and a chiseled jaw along with a mop of black curls that brushed his forehead.
His lips were slightly open and a desirable shade of pink. I quickly moved my gaze away before he saw me staring at his mouth like a weirdo.
Something about him felt like de’ja’VO.
“Neither was I to be honest.” His voice was like melted honey; warm and golden.
“But now I can’t seem to look away." He murmured gently, his gaze almost transfixed.
Stunned, I felt myself blushing as I opened my mouth but no words came out.
I finally managed a chocked “excuse me?” (though more like squeaked). He looked away and then back at me, tilting his head to the side studying me. As if in a trance he reached forward and brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear.
He blinked somewhat stunned at himself and cleared his throat.
"Sorry I..." He shook his head and my heart skipped a beat.
"You seem familiar."
He was good looking and well built - muscled like a girls dream but not too much. I felt like I had seen him around but now I couldn't place him. He laughed.
"That would be because we have religious studies together."
I frowned, I had never noticed him in my class before, but I quickly realized he was right. He sat at the back, quiet and kept to himself most of the time.
I cringed "oh, sorry…that’s… not embarrassing" I felt so dumb and flustered that I wanted to slap myself, repeatedly, only then he would think I was a complete and utter lunatic.
He extended his hand "It’s okay, we haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Brett."
I shook his hand and was surprised to feel a calm aura settle around me, I no longer felt jumpy or like an idiot, I felt calm and collected.
I saw the faint glimmer of energy ripple around him, as his shimmering aura blinked into focus. I frowned I had never seen an aura shimmer before; It was like a bright white light, with ever-changing flecks of colour wrapped in gold… almost like a halo.
He was pure I realized, and not just in an ‘as pure as they got’ kind of way. I meant that he was absolutely perfect, like he had dropped right out of heaven, or was crafted by the hand of God, pure, utter perfection.
I stared at him in awe as I caught a sense of tragedy about him.
Sadness.
Realizing he was waiting for my name I blinked away his stunning display of fireworks, sad to see it go.
"Evie." I murmured. He was still studying me as if he knew me personally.
"I know. You look beautiful,” he smiled, studying my reaction and then added “As always."
I blushed, again."Um, thank you, it’s not every day you hear that from a perfect stranger." I looked down at the ground, embarrassed I’d admitted to thinking he was perfect.
"Well they should. And you should, know me I mean, I'm really nice when I want to b-"
“Oi Brett!"
A young guy jogged up to us and stopped to eye us with surprise."Oh wow, I never thought I’d see this day come" he turned to a group of people trailing behind him as Brett cringed.
"Hey guys looks like Bretty’s found himself a girl. He’s actually talking to a member of the opposite sex and I think she's interested" I coughed and almost splattered as the group behind him who wore equally stunned looks.
Brett made what sounded like a choking noise behind his hand. I giggled glad I wasn’t the only one mortified as a short girl with a pink pixie hair cut skipped forward.
“Bretty?” I asked
He screwed up his face, “no, nobody calls me that.”
I nodded, amused as the pixy girl reached us.
"Yes they do Bretty. Finally! I was seriously beginning to doubt your sexuality man; it was like watching a bear that didn't eat fish, tap dance during the winter!"
I smothered a laugh as Brett made another noise that sounded like something being run over, and stepped back. It was only then I realized how close we had been standing, no wonder his friend thought I looked interested.
“I’m Samantha, pleasure to meet your acquaintance.” I shook her hand as the guy; Jake turned to her and muttered in her ear:
“You can’t keep changing it, pick one and stick to it woman.”
“Well I like Samantha better.”
Jake raised a hand to the bridge of his nose.“Today you do, next week you’ll say you like Penelope better. Change it all you want I refuse to call you anything but Sammy.”
Sammy, it appeared to be, turned to Jake with her hands on her hips “Don’t you dare get smart with be Jake.” The two continued arguing in hushed tones and I couldn’t decipher if this was a lovers spat or a love/hate relationship.
I looked to Brett; Meeting his gaze I swore he was signaling me to run while I still had the chance. Not really knowing what to do I began backing away.
"Well, uh it was nice meeting you, but I've got to get going…” Sammy turned to me and pouted her lip while Jake wrapped an arm across Brett's shoulders.
“I think we must have scared her off hey Bretty, either that or Brett's social skills and tap dancing." He laughed as he ruffled Brett’s hair, and then turned, looking me dead on.I felt a shiver roll down my spine, it was like he could see into the very depth's of my soul, and that unnerved me.
Shivering, I tugged my sweater tighter as I walked away. The guy freaked me out.
"I'll see you in class" Brett murmured behind me.
“And I’ll see you in English Eve.” I turned back in time to see Brett shoot him a dark look, but Jake was still staring at me and with narrowed eyes: he gave me a breif tight nod and I turned around.
Points:
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I'm here!

First of all, the protagonist in my novel's called Evie so that's kinda awesome.
Now, onto the review!
This is a little too teen-fiction for me to get into, it reminds me a lot of the first novel I wrote. You throw a little too much in. The conversation with Trav was too expressive and overdramatic to be realistic. You also threw in way too many character's in the first chapter, are readers supposed to remember all these people or are some of them throw-away characters never to be seen again? I was getting used to just her, Trav and Rob then you started throwing in people left-right and centre. Here's Erin, and Sheldon, and Corry, and Zack, and Kelly, and Adam, and Brett and AHHHHHHH TOO MUCH CANNOT COMPUTE! That needs to be cut down to three or four. Either introduce the others later if they're vital or scrap the ones that are just walk-ins.
Also the descriptions of what each individual character looks like when being introduced needs to go, I used to do it too, it just clogs things up and readers aren't going to really remember anyway. Instead of a list just subtly slip it in, for example-
'Trav raised his eyebrows at me. He nodded in acknowledgement, making his chestnut waves bounce.' - We now know what hair he has without it being spelled out. Like when a character looks at Evie, she can just throw in their eye colour, it's simple and keeps your writing smooth.
You're grammar is a little all over the place. Commas should be used after dialogue, and a full-stop if it is followed directly by an action. For example-
"And we're back to square one," I muttered... (Comma instead of a full stop, also apostrophe in 'we're')
"Hey, Trav is telling the niggers and chips story again." I heard a chorus of groans behind me (Use a full stop here, and lose the capitalised H in 'heard'.
You also spelled Corry's name two different ways and gave random words capital letters a lot.
Again Brett's conversation with his friends wasn't realistic, it was all just too big, like they were acting in a play - people in real life aren't that loud and energetic.
I think if you cleaned this up a lot you could have something but you need to work on pacing as well, you could have set the scene up a bit more before throwing Brett in, who I'm guessing is the main love interest. We don't need them meeting right from the get-go, let the reader understand your main character before you bring new people into their lives. I want to feel like I know the character before things start happening and with all the extra characters, Evie just kinda got swallowed up in the mass.
Hope this helps and you don't think I'm too harsh! I'm all for constructive criticism, it's all part of being a writer and it's how we get better.
Good luck with all your future writing!
Hi! thanks, I've never been great with grammar.
I appreciate your input and a lot of you mentioned has been fixed and reconstructed. Most of the conversations are ones my group has had so I keep finding it interesting how people find it unrealistic or to big. This was a really early draft that I had found I thought I'd pop up. xp
Hey, I really enjoyed this piece. However, I found that several grammatical errors were prominent, and I also noticed a few misspellings. Those can always be fixed, but I would recommend having a close friend, or family member edit it for you. Also, typing this onto a word processing program might help fix those automatically. I really did love reading this, because you have such a great way of describing feelings, and to be able to relate to other people's emotions, especially when they're fictional is tough for someone like me. Keep using your beautiful words to be an inspiration, and don't forget that the pen is mightier than the sword.
Thank you, your so sweet.
haha but am improving, ill be sure to check out the program.
I am really bad with spelling and gramma sometimes
thanks for the feedback, feel free to read the next chapter
Hey!
Okay, so you have me completely intrigued by the final part. I really, really, want to know what's going to happen next. So you've definitely got a page turner here!
Just a couple of things I'd like to suggest.
I'm going to use this part as an example. Here you have a whole paragraph that is one sentence. I would take out the comma after overload and make that a full stop. I'd then delete the comma after adding. I think that making those couple of changes would just help with the flow a little bit.
You also have a couple of typos. In the example I think you meant complexion rather than completion? There are few more similar errors, but they can be easily changed. Try reading it aloud to yourself, I often find that helps me spot a few things like this.
Okay, so my next suggestion involves your first part to this chapter. I found that towards the end the amount of characters you were introducing in such quick succession made it a little bit confusing. This might have just been me though. I just found it hard to remember who was who and what character traits you had given each of them. But at the same time I think this kind of added to the sense of chaos when they're all arguing.
So, I've got one more thing I'd like to point out before I'm done nitpicking. At the end you introduce Evie's ability to see auras (which I absolutely love the idea of by the way!), but this isn't mentioned earlier in the story. Is this an ability that she has always had? Or one that is just appearing now? I feel like if it is an ability that she has always had then maybe you should mention it earlier? Again, just a suggestion, but maybe one worth thinking about.
I'm now done with my suggestions so I can get back to how much I did enjoy this piece! My favourite bit was the ending, I love fantasy stuff so you had me hooked right there. The vision sort of thing where she smelt the smoke was completely awesome! I loved that so much! I also ship it!!! I really really want to know what is going to happen next.
This is awesome!
Burninhell
Thanks, Evie has more ability's that are addressed in the next chapter and it's then she explains how she came to realise she had them. I though I would set out the scene a bit more.
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, I'll quickly go fix that:)
I mentioned the group mainly to show they existed, so many overlook friends other than the 'best friend' only the ones described in detail like Trav and Rob will really be mentioned and Jess, but they will be side characters.
Thanks so much for reading!
Ahhh, that makes sense
Thanks for clarifying!
Let me know when you've posted the next chapter, I wanna know what's going to happen next!!!!
I've actually written the first 10, I'm just going back and editing. Up to editing chapter 8. I'll be sure to post soon, lately I'm more focusing on the overall storyline through out the series and each individual book, mythology and nailing down how exactly the world I'm about to introduce works... It's about to get a whole lot of paranormal activity
Yyyyyaaaaasssssss!!!!! I'm super excited!!!!
hello.

It was a nice story. Though there are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors at several places, but they can always be corrected. You have done a wonderful job at describing the emotions of a teenage girl.
And at some places I felt that you have overdone describing things, but this opinion is quite vague and only my own.
It's a great story for kids.
thanks! I'm not really good at were grammar goes so I get confused and try my best. Sometimes I do get to descriptive when I haven't found the right words I want, it you can show me some that you thought were too much that would be great.
thanks so much for reading.
It was my pleasure. I felt that the parts about the guy telling his story again and the reactions of others was a bit much too descriptive and the part about Evie getting the vibrations and seeing a halo from Brett was a bit unnatural and again much more described than it should have been.
You will be a great story writer 
But hey, don't take my words too seriously because we all have our own styles, don't we?
thank you that really boost my confidence x
If I did, then it stands to my credit