Black hole pupils

I tried to post once already but my darn computer went ape and lost it >.< Will try to remember what I said, LOL.

Today I met a lady with pupils that bled
not blood, but space,
that immeasurable void.

They bled [s]out[/s] down her face
[s](her pupils that is) [/s]

I think the repetition of words for bled ("out" and "down") is redundant, as is that last line. Needs a bit of fixing up with the grammar and punctuation - I'd rely on the line break to give pause in line one and move the comma to after "space". And the capitals at the beginning of each line irritate me, so I got rid of them LOL. I would also separate "They bled down" and the third line, so that we get a sense of the space you're trying to convey. We need a pause to think in there, if you ask me, since when you have an idea like an "immeasurable void" it requires some imagination to picture LOL. Anyway. Yeah. Separate those two lines.

past the gash of her mouth,
[s]through[/s] the valley of her chest,
over her pothole navel,
ever outwards, ever onwards, all consuming.

I'd remove the "through" from the second line of this section. The repetition of travelling ideas bogs down the stanza and makes it seem slow. It's unnecessary. Nice rhythm here though.

Embodiment of man's amoebic soul.

This is a fragment. What is it talking about? To whom is it attached? It is grammatically incomplete and if you ask me, it seems superfluous. I like the image, but it needs to be incorporated better.

[s]She was ill defined,
As the pits within which our souls dwell had leaked out
Engulfing all. [/s]

I reckon you could lose this section without affecting the poem much. It doesnt add anything, and the repetition of ideas (I'm getting tired of repeating repetition LOL) makes the poem stale.

She was a walking black hole
The void of humanity staring me in the face
I couldn't look away
You won't be able to either
Who would have thought that armageddon would be a lady whose pupils bled.

Not exactly unique imagery, but I like the first line. The rest of it, I'm afraid, is dull. Why is it here? What is it trying to say? I'd also separate this stanza off from the rest as your dénouement - it gives the structure more grace. I think you could work the image of armageddon in a lot earlier, or perhaps simply more fluidly, but I'll leave that up to you. Will look forward to seeing some more of your work.
Cheers,
~bubbles

Thanks for that, it's been so long since I wrote with any kind of discipline that I really need kicking into shape.

Check the grammar. Your beginning line doesn't make sense:

Today I met a lady with pupils the bled,

The bled? Huh?

And then you have someone [s]who's[/s] whose pupils bled. And [s]mans[/s] man's amoebic soul. So look at that and correct! It's an interesting idea, but the grammar kills it.

And try describing the body more when you're describing where it leaks out.