CHAPTER 2
The second of the three weasels, Cole, who was black-colored, headed for a forest some thirty miles away. This was one of the few forests of Featheria. In this forest was a group of weasels who were preparing for a meeting with Cole to discuss their participation in taking over Featheria.
Cole arrived at about nine that night, but the sun was still sinking in the sky, mixing oranges with purples and a slight pink. Cole, who was dressed in a light blue and black tunic, slowed down, and let his breathing return to a normal pace.. He looked at the woods in front of him. They were dark and gloomy. No creature was seen moving about. To most creatures this place would be too scary to enter, but for Cole, this was home. He usually didn’t live in the castle.
The sun was completely blocked out, and vines hung all over the place, like arms, trying to snag you everywhere you went. Cole entered the forest, and fought his way through the thick foliage. After ten minutes, he came upon a huge oak and pushed on a small knob in the tree.
The side of the tree trunk suddenly swung inward where a flight of wooden steps led down to the bottom of a cave. Cole walked in, and pushed the secret door closed, and went down the stairs. They creaked under his weight and he was grateful to get off them. They never seemed very safe to him, and he was always glad to be on the ground again.
Cole walked to the side of the cave where a torch was burning, and took it out of its holder. The cave was rather small, but there was a small wooden door to the left which he opened and walked through. He was greeted by the sight of thirty weasels milling around, sharpening swords and spearheads, talking to each other, and some snoozing in hammocks, swinging from the underground roots of the trees above them.
Everyone looked up as Cole entered. An orange-brown weasel, with a grey stripe down his back, with a dirty brown tunic, covered by a faded purple cape, walked up to Cole, battle-axe in hand, and a long sword strapped on his back. He was by far the biggest weasel of the group.
“Cole.” He said in a gruff voice.
“Hello, Rhino.” Cole replied.
“I thought you were going to come here tomorrow. Plans change?”
“Yes, we will be able to begin the attacks in one week, rather than two. Our plan is still the same though. Duncan will lead a large portion of the army at Quackstone, saying that an army of traitor weasels have been spotted here in the forest. Your group will set up the ambush, and you should have no problem wiping them out with the help of Raptor and his flock.”
“Sounds good to me. We’ll wipe those ducks out before they know who’s attacking them.” Rhino laughed. “But I want to know what our profits are if we succeed.”
“Don’t worry; you will be paid quite handsomely. Quackstone has plenty of riches to go around.” Cole reassured him.
“Just as long as my men know that their getting paid, they’ll do just about anything.”
“Well, they are good fighters. If they do their job they deserve to be paid well. Now, how about some food? I’m starving.”
“Of course.” Rhino nodded. “I’ll have our cook get you something. Will you be staying here for the night?”
“No, I don’t think that would be wise. I don’t want anyone to get suspicious this close to starting. I can make up and excuse to the king for being gone a couple of hours, but not a whole night.”
“I understand.”
Rhino had his cook make some food for Cole, who was soon eating bread and stew, downing it all with a raspberry cordial. At last he finished with a satisfied sigh.
“You have an excellent cook, Rhino.”
“Yes, he’s quite talented in cooking, but I am afraid he gets teased a lot about not being able to defend himself from a fly.” Rhino chuckled hoarsely. “He never really cared to learn fighting, but he was a good cook, so I hired him.”
“He was a good choice. Now, I must be going. I have many preparations to make tomorrow. Thank you for your hospitality. And remember, you and your weasels will be paid well if you do your job well. But if you don’t you won’t get a penny.”
“I have told already, my weasels will slaughter those ducks. Have no fears, Quackstone will be short-winged when you attack.”
“I trust your word Rhino. Now, I leave.”
With that Cole was out the door and up the steps to the secret door. It was completely dark, and Cole carefully made his way to the edge of the woods. He spotted a hawk fly high above the trees. Soon it swooped down to the ground, a few feet from Cole.
A low dark voice spoke.
“Greetings, Cole. What brings you to this forest so late? I saw you earlier. You have spoken with Rhino.”
“Hello Raptor.” Cole knew it was he at once. No other creature had such a voice. “Yes I have spoken to Rhino. Plans have changed slightly. He was going to speak with you, but I suppose I will instead.” Cole told Raptor all that he had told Rhino. “After you have finished, your services would be greatly appreciated at Quackstone. My army leader, Duncan, will have the whole weasel army, from Quackstone, but we must take over all of Featheria to build our forces large enough to continue with our domination of the world. Will your services be available?”
“Of course my friend. My flock will do any bidding from you, but as with Rhino, for I’m sure he said this, we expect to be paid well.”
“I think your reward should be enough.”
“Good. I must get back to my hunting. I have a mouse which spotted earlier. He is still somewhere near. You need not worry; my flock will be at Quackstone in one week.” Raptor flew into the dark night sky, which was dotted with stars. Cole waved to him and then headed for Quackstone.
Cole arrived at Quackstone well after two. He approached one of the gates, and was stopped by the guards on the wall.
“Halt, who go’s there?”
“Cole, the king’s third battle advisor, and the prison warden.”
“Why are you out so late?”
“I was out earlier, and thought I spotted some armed weasels. I followed them, but it turned out to be some training with Lord Duncan.”
The guards thought that this was a sufficient answer, for Lord Duncan often took his soldiers out to train with their weapons. Cole entered the castle and went headed straight for his room. As he walked past a bakery he heard a voice call out to him. Duncan, a brown weasel, sat on a barrel next to the bakery. He motioned for Cole to come over.
“Hello Cole. I hope your talk with Rhino went well?”
“Yes it did. I also was able to talk to Raptor. He will help us after he and Rhino have killed those ducks that you will lead into the forest.”
“Good. My weasels will be ready and waiting for your command. I should be back here by that evening.” He nodded, leaving.
“Snickers will have to go back and give Rhino and Raptor their reward. Send a guard to dispose of him after he has completed his task, and then you and I can take over the rest of world.”
Duncan chuckled. “Yes, poor old fool has no idea that he has less than a fortnight to live.”
Cole joined in laughing. “Well, he is pretty much useless, and besides I don’t trust him too much.”
Duncan nodded. “I must be off now.” He left, and after he knew he was out of range for Cole to hear, he spoke to himself. “You don’t trust him? I don’t trust him either, nor do I you. But I’m glad you trust me. That way you shouldn’t suspect me to run my sword through your belly.” He laughed again.
Little did he know that Cole was himself thinking of treachery.
“Oh, Duncan, you fool. I can’t believe you actually trust me. I won’t need you after taking over Quackstone. I don’t trust you, and Rhino is a better army leader than you. I wouldn’t kill you, but I think you want to kill me. With you and Snickers out of the way, I will be the only one that anyone will think is worthy to be leader of the world.” A smile crept onto his face.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey messenger! Here to review. Would you be happy to learn that I didn't see anything to nitpick? Well I did see an overuse of commas but you said not to dwell on that matter for too long so I'll let it past.
Well past the nitpickings, time to compliment and saw what I like about it. Well, first off, when did you write this? Because honestly, I don't think a duck kingdom is the first thing that crosses the mind of a 15 year old. Also you said when you didn't know about commas very well. So perhaps 13 or 14?
The name Featheria seems quite odd. Is it because it's mainly ruled by ducks? Well, Cole seems treacherous. I wouldn't trust him. Well, keep writing about your ducks, weasels, and whatever other animals there are!
~lost
Hi, it's Aravis to give you a review! This story is nothing like I have ever read so it is interesting and humorous to think of them as animals. It is a totally different dimension of writing. I love the suspense of your story. I didn't read the first chapter, but I already really want to know what will happen.
I guess I'll work backwards. I question if someone would really talk that long to himself. Maybe it would be more believable written as thoughts or in a journal. I mean I talk to myself sometimes, but not normally long paragraphs. It just seems clique. I know you haven't edited it yet, but a few sentences the wording was a little weird. For example, "I have a mouse which spotted earlier", "He spotted a hawk fly high above the trees", and "I can make up and excuse to the king for being gone a couple of hours, but not a whole night.” Lastly, the description of Rhino was a little weird. Try reading it out loud. It seemed like one long run on sentence.
Over all, it sounds like the start to great idea! Keep it up!
Hey!! Silver here to review your story!!

I really like how you've used animals as your characters, I think that is that it's different in a good way. It kind of reminds me of Redwall, I never red it but I've read some other animal based stories before. I have to say though that by using anima characters you're appealing to a very particular niche which may not be to a lot of peoples taste, but I'm really glad you did because it's very refreshing. Your actual writing is really good. Great description, great grammar and spelling, overall very well written. However you've put a little too much dialog and not enough action. Throughout the entire thing all Cole does is walk from A to B to C.
Anyway I still really like this. Happy writing!!
Silverlock
This chapter is un-edited, so don't feel the need to point out the overuse of commas. When I wrote this I wasn't to learned in the use of commas.