Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
Heifer Harbor
The crew was lively, everyone talking about their own things, some about woman, others about beers… and some were even talking about buying weapons and practice with them on civilians just for fun. But you can be sure that they all had one thing in common… reach Heifer Harbor. Located near the Western Rim, Heifer Harbor was a free island controlled by merchants who pledge allegiance to neither the Armada nor the Black Crows. The Vakros docked. It was a beautiful morning, the sound of cows, chickens and other animals along with the constant mixed shouting of the town folks. The children ran to the docks to see the ship that had just arrived. An Enormous ship made of steel covered with guns from every side, as men in a gray and black uniform walked down the ramp, all shouting and cheering as they walked down the harbor, a young man approached the Dock master and put in his hands a bag of coins continuing his way down the docks. Inside the ship, the young captain was taking a bath. The day had been long, and after a long battle with Armada patrols, he knew his troops needed rest. A three day leave, that’s what he gave the men and woman aboard the Vakros, three days to drink, sleep, fight and fuck until their lungs exploded, or their dicks rotted.
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Few minutes after the ships arrival at port, a young woman approached the ship,she had a long crimson coat with a short hat and two daggers on her waist, a thief by the looks of it. Jumping unnoticed she carefully explored the ship room by room, as if she was searching for something… or perhaps someone. Reaching the Captain’s quarters she carefully pushed the door trying to make as little noise as possible, the sound of a working shower startled her, evidently there was someone in the room, she slowly walked and quietly reached the door of the room, after a quick examination, it was evident this was the Captain’s chambers,
- Yes!- she said as she found the Captain’s Logbook sitting right on his bed, tempted to see who was in the shower the woman carefully approached the door and slowly opened it, her eyes could not look away as she felt a strange feeling of weakness take over her legs, a male muscular body completely naked, the water drops were traveling along his back and down his waist as the woman stared lost in sight, when suddenly the man turned around to find her right in front of the door. The young captain shrieked like a little girl and fell down his back on the shower as the young woman sprinted startled from the place taking with her the Captain’s log. The young captain tried to go after her, but stumbled on his own shoes and landed straight on his face.
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Inside the harbor, a young man walked around watching everything around him, always wary of the people, always alert. His left hand resting on the hilt of his sword as his eyes searched for a nearby tavern. Slowly turning the door knob he went into the building, opening his eyes as wide as the horizon, a smile clearly on his lips as by his surprise it was a tavern, rushing into the tavern he sat on the counter’s chairs and threw a fist down into the table‘’ Give me a beer, I’m in a good mood today Marie’’-he shouted, to the woman taking the order as she poured a drink on a large glass and served him smiling cutely as she started to flirt with him. ''So, did you miss me Gio? - She asked sensually. As they both flirted, sitting at a corner table was a young woman, with a glass of beer in her hands reading the papers.
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Back in the ship, the young captain quickly pulled his pants, strapped his boots along with his gun belt and sprinted off the room, stumbling with the stairs landing on his back off the bridge right on deck.
-Ugh damn it! – He shouted as he tried to stand, now watching the girl running off the ship, sprinting towards the crowds, he ran after her, bending his legs as he pushed himself from the deck, running after her, pushing everyone’s trying to make his way through the crowd. Shouting for her to stop as they passed by the tavern where Gio was, hearing his captain shouting he rolled his eyes and kept drinking. Watching as she entered a narrow alley, she was getting away, when all of a sudden a gunshot is heard making the woman stop right in her tracks, slowly turning with her hands up to the young captain that had her right on his sights from a distance.
-Stop right there, and give me my Journal! – He shouted aiming at her head.
With a rather mischievous smile on her face, her hands moved in circles as the water from a nearby fountain started to lift, hovering behind her, now forming a sphere around her.
– Do you think you can defeat me with mere bullets? – She shouted as the water revolved in circles around her.
His eyes were not impressed by what was going on, her ability to manipulate water was not that strange ever since people started to show the ability to mend and manipulate the elements after the ‘Great Cataclysm’.
-- I will not ask you twice, give me back my manual!—he shouted once again as he gently started to pressure the trigger.
The woman did not even flinch as the trigger was pulled, a loud gunshot followed by a bullet hurling from the barrel at great speed towards the woman, she was clearly confident in her ability to stop the bullet from going through her water shield, when all of a sudden, a flame from a nearby candle hurl and cover the projectile forming a shield against the water.
-Oh shit! – She shouted as the bullet penetrated the water shield, being covered by flames the fire formed steam around the bullet letting it go right through. Then, in a split second a man pushed the young woman out of the way getting hit right on his waist by the bullet.
Miss Eva, run for your life, I’ll take care of him! –he shouted groaning from the pain of the wound.
The woman simply agreed and ran away from the scene, the man staring at the young captain as he rushes ignored his pain rushing towards him with sword in hand.
Another loud gunshot was heard all across the halls as the man fell flat into the ground. Slowly walking towards the wounded man, the young captain placed his left foot on the mans chest aiming straight at his forehead.
‘’ – Well…well…well… What do we have here, if it isn’t the young hero, -- the captain said in a rather mocking way while placing the hot barrel on the man’s forehead burning him. – I guess you won’t tell me where she went will you? Fine… I guess we will have to make you tell us, signaling his men, the young captain turned his back on the wounded man as Gio walked from a corner grabbing him from the shoulder of his coat dragging him all the way across the plaza, down the docks and finally inside the ship's prison. being Kept in Solitude, the presumably ''hero'' would be kept all alone, in a humid environment, rats everywhere he looked. This was only the beginning of the day at Heifer Harbor, and already one man was taken to prison.
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Clarice Arrais with a review here!
Your writing is nice and I liked it very much. The way you present us the crew talk. Short and straight to the point. Really good! It reminded me of all the games I love.
Icould listen to the waves and birds, taste the salt, feel the wood texture on the ship. (Assassins Creed 4)
I also LOVED "three days to drink, sleep, fight and fuck until their lungs exploded, or their dicks rotted.".
It's so nice to have the freedom to write things like that, to build strong images with naturalism. It's like the Kalheesi's trip in Game of Thrones (Book 5). LOVED!
The woman in the red coat? Tottally Ada Wong (Res. Evil)
I don't know why, but the final part remembered me "The Count of Monte Christ"
I want to suggest a few changes though
1."(...)others about beers… and some were even talking about(...) " After the three dots, use capital letters.
2. The break in the parts are too abrupt. Try to suavize a little bit, like decrescent narrative.
You write in a way we get involved until the very end. It was good. Write more reviews and publish the next soon!!!!!!!
Keep working and see you around.
Thank you so much for your feedback! I will definitely get better at writing, it is kind of difficult grammar wise for me, since my main language is not English, but i WANT to get better at it. So follow me up I will have the next chapter within a few days!
I'm brazilian, I know what you mean.^^ Following in 3, 2, 1... =)
*Drops from the sky* Boo! Guess who- Here to review!
Yeah, you've seen that one before. Guess I gotta come up with a new, better one. Anyway, great job with starting the plot to what looks to be a promising novel! I'm curious to read the rest of the story.
Two things I want to point out:
You seem to have a serious problem with run-on sentences. Seriously, you need to fix that. I want to like you as a writer, but it makes my eyes bleed to read run-ons like this... I'm too lazy (and tired) to go and point out every single one. There's too many.
Also, red is a really crappy color to wear if you're trying to be stealthy. You want to wear grey or brown in this situation. Black isn't great either, though, because it's too dark and stands out in a shadow. Also, why in the HELL would you look into the shower if you're trying NOT to get caught? That's dumb. Just sayin'- Miss Eva doesn't seem to be cut out for thievery. I apologize if I seem to be criticizing a fictional character, it's just that for a professional thief, Eva seems to be making a lot of amateurish mistakes. *shrugs*.
So as always, keep writing. After you fix the run-ons, that is.
Thank you so much for your feedback! I am sorry about the run-on sentences, i forgot the punctuations haha, but it won't happen again! as far as the red coat and all, she isn't really a thief, later on in the story you'll see why she wears that kind of outfit
I promise i can do better for my next chapter and remember to follow me up! 