*Edward is in one of his uber mushy lovey-dovey moods again*
Ed: Oh sweet Bella, the love of my life, the air that I breathe, the lighthouse for my lost boat, the cherry on my sundae, my darling sweetie pie cuddly bear cutie wutie honey wunny bunny lovey wuvey Belly welly…
Bella: Oh Eddykins, my…
Meep: If you start ranting on about sappy stuff like Cullen did, I swear I will strangle you.
Meyer: Hey…who’s this intruder in my story?
Meep: A disgruntled reader who wants her refund or she’ll unleash hell in your story.
*stomps over to Bella and Edward who are glued at the lips*
Meep: Bella, you idiot. This is a G-rated story, no kissy faces are allowed here!
*slaps Bella with a dead fish*
Ed: You can’t to that to my-
Meep: If you say anything with excessively sweet references to Bella, I will kick you where it really hurts.
Ed: *looks at Meep uncertainly* Uhh…You can’t do that to my… honey pie?
Meep: Wrong answer! *Proceeds to knee Edward in the said place*
News reporter: Breaking news! Due to a severe injury in his reproductive organs, Edward Cullen has become infertile and the birth of Renesmee will not come through!
Meep: *snickers evilly*
Bella: Nooooo! EddyWeddy!!! *rushes over to Edward*
Edward: Ouch, that bleeping hurt! (Due to the G-rated content of this script, cursing is replaced with ‘bleep’)
Bella: How could you do this to my babycakes, sweet pea-
Meep: How would YOU like to become infertile as well?
Bella: *bawls annoyingly* Now that we don’t have Renesmee, Breaking Dawn can’t exist!!!
*In the distance, Meep hears anti-Twilighters rejoicing*
Bella: Why do you hate us so much?
Meep: It’s not just you. Meyer just refuses to give me my money back. I could have used my money for three perfectly good cheeseburgers. Plus, I’m sick and tired of hearing girls gush over a fictional vampire who will never exist.
Meyer: Damn. Now that Edward is infertile, I am forced to betroth Bella to Jacob Black.
Meep: I just want my cash back, dammit!
Jacob: Bells baby! Come to Jakey!
Bella: Uhh… okay. *walks over to Jacob’s side*
Edward: Nooooo!!! Bella, don’t go!!! Remember all the good times we had? Like when I stalked you 24/7?
Jacob: *does victory dance* In your face, bloodsucker!
Edward: I have no more reason to live… *hobbles off to the Volturi, still clutching his injury*
Meyer: Oh dear, this is all a mess. There’s no love rivalry in this story now…
Oh I know! I’ll put Meep in as a rival for Jacob’s affections!
Meep: What the hell?!?!
Meyer: Jacob, meet Meep. Meep, meet Jacob. *Bella looks on, glaring*
Jacob: Sup?
Meep: Go and die, you stupid puppy. *turns to Bella* You can have him.
Bella: Really? *beams*
Meep: Yes, you can have him… dead. *stabs Jacob in the chest with pen*
Jacob: I can’t die, I heal fast!
Meep: *stabs Jacob in the head* Now look what you’ve done! What am I supposed to do with red ink?
Bella: Nooooo! Widowed twice in one day!
Meep: You have to be married to be widowed, you twit.
Meyer: What?! Another guy killed? I’ll have to replace him with someone suitable again…
Meep: Then I’ll just kill-
*A heavenly dude descends from up above, it is the YWS God.*
Nate: Meep! Stop this nonsense *takes a bite out of his cheeseburger* immediately!
Meep: *spots cheeseburger* Mmmm….cheeseburger… *drool*
Nate: Even if you didn’t like the story, and wasted your money on the book rather than buy a cheeseburger like me, you shouldn’t wreck havoc in it! Respect our fellow writers!
Meep: B-but…she doesn’t qualify to be an author-
Nate: No buts, Meep. Do as I say.
Meep: Fine.
Meyer: *eyes Nate* Hmm…he’s kind of cute…I know! Bella shall fall in love with Nate!
Nate: What?! No way!!! You better stay away from me, Meyer. I've got a cheeseburger and I'm not afraid to use it!
Meep: Still want me to respect her?
Nate: I’ve changed my mind. Let’s get out of here before she gets me! *beams Meep and himself back up to heaven*
Meep: Aww man! I bleeping still haven’t bleeping got my money back!
Bleep.
*In the background, die-hard Twilight fanatics attempt to assasinate Meep*
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,707 Reviews
The ripping of Twilight is getting a little old, but I still liked it! Start ripping Harry Potter for his crimes against Fantasy Fiction!
Haha that was EPIC!
You killed Jacob and kicked Edward right in the worst place for a dude! Your my idol!
Nate and Bella? lol Nate was right to run!
GO NATE! WOOP!!
GO MEEP!
GO TWILIGHT-LESS WORLD!!
Haha that was EPIC!
You killed Jacob and kicked Edward right in the worst place for a dude! Your my idol!
Nate and Bella? lol Nate was right to run!
GO NATE! WOOP!!
GO MEEP!
GO TWILIGHT-LESS WORLD!!
Dead fish. Random!
Hehe, you can be the one to tell my biology teacher that the "male reproductive organs" are in the knee! hahaha
Again?!
This made me want a burger!
Ok i'm off to try save Edward. Again! To the Volturi..... Awaaaaaay !!!!! (I couldn't resist!)
That was hilarious! I must say that I am a Twilight fan and I have read the books 2x each. And Meep, you have to add another choice to your list of reactions.
3) looks at the book with mild interest, gets annoyed a some points, but overall thinks it's a cute little read for all those lonely girls who need a life
Hey!:D
Well, I have to say that I agree with everyone else, and that this was probably the best Twilight parody I've read!:D
Even though I kind of like Twilight (the first one, I don't really like the others), I do find it annoying that everyone's like "OMG Edward is soooo hot", so I love reading parodies of the books.
My favourite part was when Nate made an appearance!:lol:
This was hilarious, you should write more!*puppy dog eyes*
- Prospekt
Sadly, Meep, this is true. I don't like the gushing people (well, teenage girls) anymore. I'm out of that stage. And what I'm most sick of is people reading it and saying they like it just because it's a fad. Not that you're a fellow fan to sympathize with, but I'm sure you'd understand.
Yeah, I know.
I'm just generalising how twilight fan girls would gush over the series.
(her) Haha.
Yes, I do get tired of experiencing number one. I have to say at the movie (I want with a bunch of my teenage friends) I got a little carried away. Haha. My friends and I have actually been discussing how good the series really is over a past few conversations. But, I'm not sure I'll ever stop loving it. It's too late. Haha.
And, I don't think Edward is "sooooo hot". And I don't say "Oh emm gee". Although, I do hear that a lot. To which I sigh of annoyance. Haha.
*laughs*
Music_lover, there will be two types of reactions towards the series when you mention it:
1) *squeals* Oh emm gee, yeah! Edward is sooo hot, the book is sooo romantic...etc.
2) *covers ears* Argh, tell her/him to shut up!! *flees*
Don't you ever get tired of experiencing #1?
Meep, even though I'm a die-hard Twilight fanatic, I would never attempt to assassinate you. Haha. I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that you don't like my favorite book series. *sighs*
that was a bleeping success, it was a bleeping master piece and so bleeping funny.
i loved the part where you killed Jacob, but i think you should have killed Edward, Meyer and Bella, and the whole rest of them to. or at least Edward and Bella. i want to read more twilight bashing like this so if you have anymore can you give me a link or tell me the name if on like the first three pages of the scripts form
THAT made my day! There's too many people interested in that "Twilight" thing. As soon as it came out, that was just about the only thing I heard about from the girls at school! Perhaps I should show this to them... (not really. i'm not that cruel).
Also...
You forgot to bleep that when it said earlier that all profane language would be replaced with the infamous bleep. At least it's not that loud blaring siren when they do that on TV (thank goodness).
That was just one laugh after another. Keep writing!
Ooh! Make me one!
Pleeease?
This was amazing! As every one has already said this is one of the better twilight scrips that I have ever read. I am getting so sick of twilight that every book I see I want to BURN. in hellfire. Arg, man I hate those stupid "Team Jacob" "Team Edward" shirts. Well thanks for making my day ( I just ate a cheeseburger) and now I am off to make a Team Nate shirt.
Hahahaha! Wow, Meep, you're hilarious! I loved Twilight, then everyone else started to obsess over it so y'know...The YWS God??? Haha, I loved that! Great job on this and gold star for hilarity...
Wow. I mean, I'm not a twilight fain either but...lol
Nate = YWS God...lol
Heaven has cheeseburgers? lol
I can't writer a coherent note that was so funny!
That... was... awesome! With a capital A-W-E-S-O-M-E! I was reading it, and chuckling.... And the YWS God? *laugh out loud* that was great. Much agreed. The money I put towards those books could've been used to buy me a burger. Not a cheese burger 'cause I don't like cheese... but a burger. And maybe fries...
-You earner ONE GOLD STAR-
Three cheers for Meep(: for awesomeness.
LaReina!
Mmmm...
I'm sitting in front of the computer,eating brownie batter.....
Thay was soooo funny!
Even for me,the diehard Twilight Fan.
Poor Nate.
edward and Bella should go to heck.
Team Jacob!!!
lol, Meep, that was completely priceless! I actually laughed out loud when the, and I quote, "YWS God" descended. It was so funny. Personal favourite was when Edward went off to the Volturi. So brilliant. And mmm... cheeseburgers. I want one!
Seriously, m'dear, epic win. I don't know why it is that Twilight parodies are so funny. I'm quite compelled to write one myself after reading yours and Winter's, and I think Snoink wrote these two into a story a while back too.
Epic.
-Stella.
Win.
).
My only suggestions: 1. Make Meyer have an uber-inflated ego. I mean, as arrogant as flippin' possible, even compared to how conceited she's already portrayed as. 2. Show subtle evidence that Meyer is on something (preferably something illegal
Got to make the character true to form, right? :]
Ha ha! Meep you should get impulses more often! I love reading your hilarious scripts!
Meyer's character was completely hilarious! And yours as well!
Gold star to Meep!
Crack!
Triple crack!
A new crack!
Demeter
xxx
Lmao. Amazing. Genius. Fantastic.
This is probably one of the funniest Twilight based scripts I've read. I used to like Twilight, but you're so right about how tiring it's getting listening to people praise it, especially since it was only an OK book. One little thing though:
I'm an amateur editor, but I think you meant wreak. Oh, another thing. Someone already brought this up, but you swore quite a lot for something "G rated", and I'm not sure how rating appropriate kneeing Edward so hard it makes him infertile is.
Great job! It was really funny and I wish that's what would happen to the characters!
Hahahahaha!! That was the funniest script I have ever read! Why didn't you just kill Bella? All of the series' problems would be solved if Bella were dead. But even so, you did kill Edward and Jacob which will save a lot of people from having to listen to their friends incessantly talk about Twilight. And it will save us from having to watch three more Twilight movies which will not be anywhere near as good as the books!! Yay!
My favorite part was when Edward became infertile. Hahaha! "Now that we don’t have Renesmee, Breaking Dawn can’t exist!!! *In the distance, Meep hears anti-Twilighters rejoicing*"
This story is very funny and I haven't read a page of Twilight in my life. I like the part where Bella says 'Noooooo!!! Widowed twice in one day', that part is hilarious. I love anti-Twilight stories. Still laughing. Also another idea could've been to throw things that Mormons are against because Stephanie Meyer is a mormon from what I think I read.
Haha! Oh my gosh! This was some funny stuff!
Thank you so much for killing Edward. But Jacob, well, I'm a little sad about that. Guess I'll just have to find some other hot character to obsess over!
This is so random! Nate is awesome!
Haha! And Edward being infertile! That made me laugh so much!!! Someone should have kneed him so Renesmee wasn't born. I mean, come on! And why would she be Jacob's imprint? Anyways...Getting off topic!
You said you were going to keep this G, right? One mistake. You used "What the hell?" Unless that is becoming a common word and people don't mind saying it. (I personally don't.)
Yup...So great job. I am in no way offended by your Twilight bashing, because surprisingly, I am becoming a anti-Twilight fanatic. Yes, I was once in LOVE with it. Still a good book though...GAH! Getting off topic again!
Great job on the script! I would love to see this acted out! That would be funny!
Becca
I must say, this was one of the funnier Twilight-bashing stories I've seen.
Nate totally is a fangirl magnet. At least he exists. And he brought us YWS! Nate: 2 Edward: epic fail!
Actually, I obsess over characters that aren't real either (*sigh* Mr. Darcy... *ahem*) but it's what Edward's character is that makes me dislike him.
Anyway, funny stuff. Nate had better watch his back. *eyes cheeseburger* Though, seriously, that must be one expensive cheeseburger you want... I mean, books are, what? $20? Was yours hardcover?
~GryphonFledgling
Sorry, I felt like having a cheeseburger while I was writing this XD
One of those random writing impulses I get every once in a while
Glad you had a good laugh.
HaHa. That was the funniest thing I have seen all day.
Bella's going to fall in love with Nate? *starts cracking up*
Woho!
You stole my lines! Nate was eating a breakfast sandwich in mine!