Fear Contest entry

Fear. It’s a word I will never understand. I sit on the edge of oblivion, my feet swing in tempo with the singing winds, and the little red glow of my cigarette still burns, the only light for miles to see. Fear of what, exactly? That is the real question.

I flick my ash and it goes flying everywhere; on my white, neatly pressed dress; on my thighs which are nearly as dark as the night itself, if that were possible. My throat burns and the wind is making my nose itch and my raven hair flies angrily about me. Two seconds away is Death—such a final sort of thing, that it should scare me somehow. But it doesn’t.

I try to see beyond the pitfall, but there’s nothing but miles and miles of empty blackness, a sort of gap that mirrors my fragmented soul. Sometimes I feel the two belong; myself and the canyon beneath my tattered shoes. One day I shall will myself over the edge, and for once, see what there is to fear. But until then, I watch a thin line of smoke curl from the butt, and I send it flying over the edge, where it meets its destiny, wherever the darkness leads.

What is there to fear in this world? Everything and everyday seems so simple to me. The choices laid out are of routine—what school to go to, what man to marry, how many children to carry, when and why and how should one die? Even death and what comes before and after seem very shallow to me, as if those things aren’t even worth pondering. The real fear lies in me. What am I capable of? What should I fear, what can I do? But I see that the world has made me, trapped, in an iron box without a key. I will never know my limitations—and that is the fear I fear the most.

With I sigh, I feel the air getting colder around me, and my skin rises to the occasion. Maybe it is simple, afterall. Perhaps the very choices of life and meaning are mine to be had, and there isn’t much to fear about them afterall. I tilt my head, studying the unknown depths beyond me, and I smile for awhile. It would only do to find out, I decide.

I stand on the edge of reason, testing the winds. I feel nothing, no fear, only a determination that I will face whatever comes my way. Without inhibitions, I leap towards the forbidden passages, and as the sky slaps my face, I am free. I am alive for once. And there is no fear to be found in my falling body.