Don’t leave me this way
she said with her fat lip and blood trickling
--down, down, her chin
like a vein growing on her dark skin
it’s pulsing, a red animal thing
don’t leave me this way
but what am I supposed to say
this knife, it calls—beckons
A beacon, a light in this
Dungeon
I crawl to her drawn
LOOK AT THE POINT I scream
it’s speckled with blood like a leopard, like
a beast come to prey
don’t look at me that way
I want to show her finer things in life
the Shakespeare of pain, the Picasso of strife
my blade wants to teach her it’s paths
rivers and valleys in her legs
waterfalls in her stomach
can’t she see, this is nothing
nothing
I cut out her eyes so maybe it will help
heighten her senses so she can really see
but then the red thickens into black—runs
down her lips and over her teeth
I like it
this way she can taste the pain
as it comes.
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Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Wow. That's twisted and beautiful and bizarre and poignant and utterly, utterly captivating.
I think my favorite line was "the Shakespeare of pain, the Picasso of strife."
My only suggestions are to cut the phrase "a light in this dungeon," because it's cliché, and perhaps come up with a less emo title.
Kudos, keep writing.
Wow. That is riveting. A bit scary, but still. For some reason I actually like the format you have put it in, I think it goes. But some more punctuation would help.
oh my god, I love this.
It actually left me speechless. Oh, my god. It's so mysterious and beautiful. and dark hehe
well, anyways, I don't have much to add except that your format confuses me. why is it like that? where some parts of the stanzas are indented? I think you should line them up with the rest of the poem.
The way they are now draws attention away from your words and to the format. Just a thought
other than that, good job! Loved it completely!! wonderful flow and rhythm! keep writing
~ash
I saw this poem and it didn't have any comments, so I decided I'll be the first
I like it, it's strange, it tells a story...
It reminded me of how I felt about a month ago with a sharp knife in my hand...
Honestly I'm still new at this so I don't exactly know what to say or to give you tips or something like the other people on here would.
For some reason the last part reminds me of vampires 0.o
To me right now, it says something that I can't explain at the moment...
Or have the time to explain...
Sorry about that...
It's still really cool though. Hehe