Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
An appeal to decency
I apologize in advance. The subject matter is hardly appropriate for me or almost anyone else to talk about in the public sector. No one will blame me, due to the recent cultural changes taking place across the globe. Of course, many will argue with me, but on the basis of whether I’m right, not whether I’m proper, I’m afraid that’s a question from another age.
I address you then as friends, fellow Americans. And I beg your forgiveness. For I will be framed as a proponent of Purity Culture. I am not. But I will be framed that way. Because I am discussing that most regal of womanly virtues, modesty.
I am presenting an argument, not from falsities or from piety, but from facts and reason. There is a simple truth that I am nearly certain almost no woman knows. It is simply that male foreplay is through the eyes. Simply put, any woman who displays her body, revealing either its shape or any part of it, is engaging in sexual activity with every man within eyesight. I am not saying that women cannot show their ankles. Nay I would say that most shorts are fine, but that’s truly just my opinion and other men may differ. It’s not the legs that are sexual.
If you are not a Christian, skip this paragraph. If you claim Christ please hear me out. Having the knowledge that you now have, it is obvious that anytime you wear a piece of clothing that is revealing in skin or shape, you are committing mental fornication. This is because anyone who looks with lust has committed adultery in their heart, and so any woman who dresses to attract lust is initiating sex with any man who sees her. I beg you as my sister in Christ, stop selling yourself. If you need help, speak to an older woman in the church. If you don’t go to a church, find one. Please. For the glory of God our Father, represented in the way you dress yourself, be modest.
My next argument for modesty is this. Love is not a feeling. It is a choice to do actions which show that I have someone else’s best interest as my goal. Simply put, if I love you I will do you good. If I do not do you good, I do not love you, regardless of what feelings I have. This applies to modesty in two ways. First, women have been taught to associate attention, especially sexual attention, with love. This is not so. When a woman dresses in a way to receive attention for her body she is setting herself up for disappointment and a broken heart. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice.
Secondly, a man when he lusts (forgive my archaic terminology. I mean when a man looks at a woman in order to gain sexual gratification from her physical features.) does not care about her, have any feelings for her, or have her best interest in mind. In fact, when a man lusts after a woman he almost hates her, because he has made her less than human in his mind and transformed her into an object serving his own desires. He loves her in a way, in the same way in which a dog loves the fire hydrant it urinates upon. So dressing in a way as to attract such attention is in fact self defeating, a woman pursues love by attracting objectification and denigration.
I will here stress that I am not saying that any woman deserves to be abused in any way. No person does. But, when a woman leaves herself visible in such ways, it is similar to walking at night through a seedy part of town. You ought to have avoided such dangerous territories. It is regrettable that such territories are dangerous. It does not change the fact that going there alone is foolish.
There is full guilt on men for the choices they make. There is full guilt on women for the choices they make. I leave it there.
If you find yourself in need of more specific guidance on what is safe and what is not, ask a man you trust and he will be able to tell you more specifics. Of course, men differ. But if you abide by one man’s standards it is likely you will be abiding by the standards of most.
A last note. Men. For the love of you not being actively gay, put your shirts on. The difference between you and a woman is a few inches around the chest and some hair. Remember that a man is stimulated visually. For the sake of all those who have homosexual attraction, do not take off your shirt. Also do not wear short shorts. If it helps, short shorts are unattractive anyway. Think about it this way. Do you want to stimulate another man? No? Then dress accordingly. Just wear a shirt and longer shorts, and you’ll be fine.
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Hi there,
I will begin by saying that on a personal level I disagree with the premise of this piece and the arguments that you make. Your essay managed to get a strong (negative) reaction out of me upon my first read (and every other time I read it past that), and made me wonder whether it is even worth leaving a review, since this feels to me much more as a series of personal opinions masquerading as political essay rather than a critical piece in itself. But, benefit of the doubt and all, I think that pointing out some of the logical and argumentative wholes your writing presents can perhaps help you think deeper about the topic, and maybe see it in a different way.
First, let's talk about structure. Whether this is an opinion piece or an essay, the structure is missing: you do not have a real introduction where you outline your main argument(s), and you lack a real conclusion.
Within each paragraph there is also structure missing, which already encroaches on the lack of logical argumentation. Usually you would begin with the main point of your paragraph, which you can then substantiate by answering the questions "why is this true?" and "why is this important?" If you look at the actual things that you're saying in your paragraphs, you can see that most of them are structured as a rambling series of different points. Your first argumentative paragraph, for example, is full of claims:
1. It is simply that male foreplay is through the eyes.
2. Simply put, any woman who displays her body, revealing either its shape or any part of it, is engaging in sexual activity with every man within eyesight.
3. I am not saying that women cannot show their ankles.
4. I would say that most shorts are fine, but that’s truly just my opinion and other men may differ.
5. It’s not the legs that are sexual.
In this paragraph, you've managed to make five separate claims (two of them being explicitly an opinion), none of which stand on its own, and none of which have any argumentation to support them. At no point do you prove these to be true or important.
Further, your main argument (as the title indicates) is a defence of decency as related to modesty in the clothes that people wear, but as many have pointed out in previous reviews, you never actually have a definition of what modesty actually is. Not only that, but the very definitions that your reader can imply are actually quite contradictory.
On one hand, you claim that:
and a couple of sentences later you say:
Already from this first argumentative paragraph, you have begun contradicting yourself. Outlining definitions early on is crucial; perhaps if you had a clearer definition of this concept that is so central to your topic, your argument would stand stronger. You cannot claim both that revealing any shape of a body is a sexual act, and that legs are not sexual, you must make a choice here.
Continuing with holes in your arguments, let's take a look at this paragraph:
The main issue with this paragraph is that you are working on an assumption: that women dress with clothing revealing in skin or shape to attract sexual attention. However, the only thing that you can prove about someone dressing in a revealing fashion is just that: they are dressed in a revealing fashion. Perhaps it is hot outside and clothes make the body warmer. Perhaps not having clothes covering certain parts of the body is more comfortable. Perhaps someone simply likes how these clothes look on their body. Ultimately, this really depends case-by-case, and from an argumentative standpoint the burden is on you to prove that people dress this way to attract attention, not the opposite.
Furthermore, there is a logical gap in your understanding of the act of sex itself. Again, it is on you to prove that women dress revealingly to attract male sexual attention, so your argument claiming that women must be blamed for men's "adultery in the heart" does not stand. Why? Because sex is an act committed consensually by two people. One person cannot unknowingly have sex. If two people have sex but one person is unaware, that is not sex, that is rape. And if a man "lusting" after a woman, as you put it, is a sexual act, then it is a non-consensual one, and a responsibility on the man to not act in such a way. Until you can prove that women dress a certain way only to attract men's attention (which you won't, because women have better things to worry about than to only constantly think of men), you cannot blame women for the sexual impulses of men.
Which brings me to my last point: perhaps it is best to look at the roots of the problems that you are identifying in this piece, rather than simply looking at the surface and blaming the people upon whom violence is most often inflicted upon. In another paragraph you say this:
The last two sentences that I highlight here are a perfect example of the attitude that you bring to this essay. You compare a woman showing skin to walking in a shady part of town because you know that both present a danger, and I can assure you in both cases, statistically speaking, this danger is men. In the topic of modesty, men who have been taught that sex is owed to them, that their lust is more important than a woman's right to choose what clothes she wants to wear. In the topic of crime, (very often) men who have been failed by a societal system that has pushed them to do crime for a plethora of systemic reasons. In either case, you do not do the work of looking at the roots of these issues, of wondering "why is it that these areas are dangerous, and how could we provide social services or aid that could reduce this crime?", or "how can we teach men to control their sexual impulses, to view women as women and not as objects of their desire, even if they are showing more skin?" Instead, you simply claim that these things are "regrettable", and you move on with your unsubstantiated assumptions.
I think what is regrettable is to write an opinion piece like this one, blaming the wrong groups for taking control of their bodily autonomy, without really thinking critically about where the arguments that you make are coming from, why they are true, and why they are important.
I hope this can serve as food for thought, to consider the veracity of some of the arguments that you present here, and to find a more nuanced way of discussing your values while still taking into consideration the lived realities of the people you target.
I would present the argument (as a man) that both men and women do foreplay through their eyes, and that most people are aware of this. This is why anyone with at least moderate luck with the opposite sex has at least a modicum of ability in presenting themselves.
I would also argue that many women who do dress "immodestly" are aware of just what sort of effect their having and it's by intention, either for some personal reason or for the express purpose of finding company.
Whatever that company may be should be up to their decision.
And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’
While the bible places no small amount of shame onto the concept of nakedness, covering yourself and wearing revealing clothing is not in and of itself - a sin.
And the responsibility has been laid upon the onlooker to practice self-control.
A man without self-control
is like a city broken into and left without walls. Proverbs 25:28
Fair enough. Although this can be easily controlled by managing expectations. You probably aren't going to find prince charming at the club deep into a few Coors.
This is, I feel, a gross simplification of objectification. One does not objectify purely by lusting. If so every man who has lust for their wife sees her as an object. Lust is natural, and a useful feeling considering simple procreative requirements for species continuation.
It doesn't require objectification. The one does not require the other and they can be exclusive.
Every piece of homosexual attraction I have received I have received fully clothed with nothing indicating I would be gay (I am not).
Hi!
I'm a Christian woman, and I have to say this is a really scattered, unorganized, unpersuasive essay about modesty and guiding women toward this virtue. You say that it is important for a woman to dress modestly, but refuse to answer the basic question about what modest dress looks like, other than to ask a man and they would be able to give you guidance, but each man has a differing opinion, but the man is probably right. And yet this essay supposedly is based on facts and reason? What facts? What reason? Your main premise hinges on the basis of subjective opinion, which even your own essay admits as variable.
Worse, you use this subjective opinion to condemn Christian women as "committing mental fornication." But really, if immodesty is strictly subjective depending on the male, as you imply, doesn't the guilt lie upon the men who choose to view them sexually, as "male foreplay is through the eyes"?
On a more personal note, I assure you, most Christian women aren't dressing to fornicate... we merely go to the store and buy whatever we think makes us happy... and if our clothes have pockets, so much the better. Dressing to avoid male attention is too exhausting... I've been catcalled wearing baggy winter gear, so I really don't think it matters what I wear because the attention will come no matter what. Honestly? I find any argument relying on the male gaze, which you've already pointed out as subjective, is inherently weak ... some men think something as innocent as a smile is an invitation for sex.
Anyway, instead of writing vague, unspecific "advice" that neither advises nor guides women in any practical way, perhaps it might be better to write to your brothers, beyond merely suggesting that they keep their shirts on, and suggest that they look away from any woman who they are tempted to act on an impure impulse on and to think of them as sisters in Christ. Or, as Christ once said, "if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out."
Yours in Christ,
Snoink
Hi! I’m ApatheticPurple, or just Purple. I saw this, as someone who really loves getting all the tea from the realm of political and social commentary (I run the “We Are The Turning Point” club with some buddies here), and thought it would be interesting.
Okay, so first off, even as someone who likely thinks very differently from you on politics, I still have to say: I respect you having the conviction to come out and say this. Just to preface this review, I want that to be very clear. Diving into the meat of the essay, I have mixed feelings about your opening being so apologetic: I completely get it, in today’s age and on this site, where politics (especially this brand of politics) is just such a hot-button issue, that can cause a lot of drama. It is also a little sad that anyone has to “apologize” for having an opinion somewhat common. However, it also just immediately detracts from the strength of your argument, in my opinion. I also like that you were able to include a logical and more all-encompasing reason for your position, as well as a religious one. I’m someone who doesn’t mind reading either, but better yet when they’re together. On that note, I thought your Christian argument was understandable, knowing modesty is a major part of the Bible, for men and for women. I also feel like your more hard fact-and-logic based reasoning made some sense, but at least to me, they did read a little more like an appeal to emotion than hard facts. There was no definition of what “modesty” is, and that is something that can be very subjective. Obviously, most people would universally agree that a lady wearing a transparent top in public is not modest, but then where do you draw the line? I think shorts are fine, I don’t think anything of a little cleavage from a V-neck, but then there are some who will shame you for not covering your ankles well enough. It can also be easily taken the wrong way, the way you phrase “just trust what your man tells you about modesty”, at least in my opinion as a lady. Also, obviously we’re different, but if I were going for a hard-facts point, I would include some statistics, like the correlation between, um, what rhymes with “corn” and the long-term, unhealthy physical, mental, and emotional dysfunctions it causes in young men, and the women who create the content. All of that is very well documented, and you could find at least a dozen studies with a single Google search. However, that is just how I approach these kinds of topics, so to each their own: this feels more like what the title says it is, an emotional appeal to young people, and you definitely delivered on that front, so I guess I can’t complain.
Before I close this out, I wanted to include a little yap about my personal experience and opinion, which you can just ignore if you want (I don’t blame you). Even as a Centrist Atheist from Portland, I think there are definitely lines that shouldn’t be crossed (spoiler alert: they have), but just in my opinion, I would encourage young women to have fun and play around with fashion while they’re still young. Also, public dress codes historically have been abused and sometimes are just taken to ridiculous lengths, so I think a lot of the animosity on this subject (apart from the more universal distaste young people have for being told what to do with their bodies) stems from the “slippery slope” style of thinking. However, I also think a lot more people are waking up to the fact that our culture is completely lost in the sauce, when we have people defending men wearing literal f****h gear, women with transparent tops, or sometimes just complete public nudity, even in the presence of families and children, all of which is fully legal in a few cities now. That’s something even the most liberal version of myself just could not defend, which is REALLY saying something (lol). I’m glad to see more people waking up to this fact, too, but the fact that it took THIS to get people saying, “alright, maybe some basic public decency is okay after all”, is…something, huh? I could bicker for hours with someone in favor of the 50s dress code, where we had literal “thigh police”, but I would compromise in a heartbeat on the crazier things like this, that’s for sure.
Anyway, this was an alright essay, and again, despite any disagreements we may have, I respect you standing firm and being bold enough to say this. I also think, even if I personally think it’s a little too conservative for my personal taste, the core message is good to be sharing with young people today. Nice job.
Hey, there! I'm not going to set this as a review, as I'm simply just responding, and therefore don't feel it would be quite right to aim for the review points in this situation.
As a Christian and a woman, I appreciate that there are people who have strong convictions on modesty and decency. And a Christian ought to have the good of other brothers and sisters in mind, as well as our non-Christian neighbors. For that reason, like you said, we do need to be concerned about what thoughts we are facilitating in another's mind by the way we dress (and yes, that can go for both men and women).
I appreciate how you equate sexualization to objectification and therefore not love. I especially liked the line, "In fact, when a man lusts after a woman, he almost hates her, because he has made her less than human in his mind and transformed her into an object serving his own desires."
I also want to comment on how you advise Christians to seek the guidance of other Christians. And while this is important and helpful, people are going to have all kinds of different standards and personal convictions, so I believe in addition to seeking the counsel of other Christians, the most important guidance one can seek is directly from God's. His Holy Spirit will guide each willing heart, showing each one what He approves of for them. And this is the best kind of guidance, because it is what makes the difference between just a rule or standard, and a conviction.
It's good that you took time to include a note for men as well. Even if it isn't homosexual attraction we're talking about, men still also have a responsibility of modesty for the sake of women, who also experience visual attraction, even if not as commonly or as much as men, on average.
You're right, nobody deserves to be abused. But it's also true that we do have some responsibility for what we wear and how that influences the thoughts and actions of others. At the end of the day, abuse can happen to anybody, no matter how much or how little they're wearing; it's ultimately a choice and an action of the abuser, not necessarily the victim. But again, we do have a measure of responsibility for how we dress. We should dress to reflect the way we want to be viewed and treated.
I think one of the most important aspects of modesty has to do with the fact that we as humans are intentionally created in the image of God. We bear the stamp of the Highest & most worthy One. Our attire should reflect that. We can have a self-respect, an attitude which recognizes we are each intended to be treated with honor and respect because we bear the image of God. And the way we dress should be a reflection of God and His values.
People who don't have any regard for God or His opinion on things will, sadly, be much more inclined to disregard principles of modesty as well. There is no standard, no deep understanding that, because of the image of God in us, we are worth more than the objectifying fantasies of lust. We certainly wish we could get the message across - and yet, again, people's opinion of God and His values will show in the way they dress (or don't). But it is still important to be faithful to our convictions, even when others are not. Hopefully in this way we can reflect a more perfect image of God into our world, to people who do not understand. After all, it was never someone's modesty that ever won someone over, essentially; it always comes down to the experience where they begin to see God for who He is, and themselves in relation to that.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.