When We Grow Up - Chapter One

I thought the first chapter was good! I only have time to read the first one but i liked it and am interested to read more later. The only mistakes I spotted were already pointed out, but otherwise good job! Keep it up.

The summer had finally decided to arrive in Farrowbrook, since most of June and July had consisted of rain and clouds and now that it was around twenty-one degrees, most people in town we’re making the most out of it, including me and my best friend Lucas Blakely.
Lucas and I had been best friends since we both can remember, always round at each other’s houses and his family felt like mine and my family felt like his family. Maybe that’s because both our Dad’s dads were, and still are to this day, best friends.
Our tree house was the best. Our Dad’s dads had built it for us when we were about six and in the summer, it was our favourite favorite place to be. Sitting side by side, Lucas and I drank glasses of lemonade and basically waved the afternoon goodbye as we spoke about nothing really that important, but at the time, it seemed like the most important things in the world.
Today, was basically like no other, we sat and drank lemonade and talked about the memories we both shared in primary school. As I get the last of the lemonade out of my glass, Lucas looks at me for a minute and smiles. He lies on the floor of the tree house.
“What?” I laugh.
“Come look at the sky, look how slow the clouds are moving.” He says, in a soft, soothing voice.
I shuffle down to join him and as I get comfortable, I begin looking at the clouds. “Wow.”
“Wow.” He echoes. “And did you know, when you go on holiday and go on a plane, the clouds look like white candy floss?”
My eyes begin to close as I relax. “Mhm.”
We lie in silence for a few moments and then I open my eyes, turn my head to see Lucas’ eyes open. “I can’t believe we’re going to High School in September.”
“I know, it’s going to be so weird, you know, being in a different place and meeting new people.”
I exhale. “Things are going to be different cause we’re getting older and we’re not babies anymore, Luc.”
“I know, I know. I just, I’m scared that’s all.”
“You’re not on your own there, pal.”
Silence for a few more moments before one of us has the courage to break the peace.
He chuckles lightly.
“What’s so funny?” I ask, beginning to sit up with my elbows as a rest, stretching my sore legs and as I do my face scrunches in pain.
“Nothing’s funny, well, it is a little.” He laughs now, and not lightly either.
“What?!” I ask, a grin creeping its way onto my lips.
“We’re acting like everything’s going to change.” He smiles, lying his head back down on the wood.
I smirk. “That’s ‘cause it is going to change.”
“Everything except this.” He says, smiling to himself.
“Everything except what?” I ask, a little chuckle coming from my throat.
“Us. You and Me. We’re still going to be best friends. In fact, I bet we’re going to be best friends forever.”
“How long is forever?” I smile, turning my head to face him.
He smirks. “Pretty long I think.”
My face goes into a blank, serious expression. “I don’t think I can put up with you for that long.”
His expression mirrors mine, then he lightly pokes me continually on my arm. “Hey!”
I grin, and now I’m in hysterics. “Oi! No! Ow! Stop! I’m joking! I’m joking!”
He grins and settles back down on the floor of the treehouse.
I’m still settling my giggling.
There is another few moments of peace before I sigh, roll over on my side. “You mean it though?”
“Of course I mean it.” He says. “You have my word.”
“Pinky swear?” I raise my pinkie to his, and he wraps his around mine.
“Pinky swear.” He smiles.
“It’s settled then. Best friends forever.”
“Best friends forever.” He echoes.
There we were in our childhood innocence. So niave naive, yet so happy in our own ignorance. We had no idea that the world was as big and as cruel as we soon realised realized it was. We soon realised realized that life wasn’t a fairytale like movies made them out to be. At the end of the day, we hung onto the promise that was made that summery afternoon because, to us, that was the only thing that would last in a world like this.

Thank you once again for all your constructive criticism!

hi LooneyPandaxx here!

i really liked first paragraph because it was really intreeging and i wanted to read more. the only problem was that the sentences wer too long, you should get rid of some and's. but over all it was brilliant!!!

Hello there I really like this chapter but what I will comment on is that it seems to be more of a prologue than a chapter because of your ending. I guess if you could extend it more and have what you already written into a flashback and then show the present, it could make a great first chapter. I can't wait to see where this story leads and I wish you good luck. Keep writing

Thank you for all your constructive criticism, I shall be working through my second chapter soon, and then go back and edit the chapters.

Hey I have come to review! Don't be afraid to post the worst you can get is some good old constructive criticism.
I quite like the start of this, nice scene setting. Your speaker has a nice casual tone whihc is quite refreshing your main danger is to tell instead of show. You don't need your voice to point something out instead you can show it though there speech etc.
Generally the into scene setting is brief but nice, maybe a little to simple but I did get a good feel for place and time. In the future remember to use all the scenes. I already like your characters and the dialogue seems cool. The grammar, as far as I can tell is not to bad but then again I'm terrible with it. others have already pointed out some problems.
I like the last two ending lines, nice way to finish off a chapter, adds intrigue for the rest of your novel.
This is not the best review I've ever written but in general this was good.

I really enjoyed it so far and can't wait to see where it leads, there was only a few mistakes I spotted!

most people in town we’re making the most out of it

Maybe that’s because both our Dad’s were

Lucas and I drank glasses of lemonade and basically waved the afternoon goodbye as we spoke about nothing really that important

Today, was basically like no other, we sat and drank lemonade and talked about the memories we both shared in primary school. As I get the last of the lemonade out of my glass, Lucas looks at me for a minute and smiles. He lies on the floor of the tree house.

Hey, I'm Icyflame and can't do review introductions ... so lets get right onto the piece!
I really love the first paragraph you've written here. It reminds me a little of the style of the first paragraph in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. That in itself made me want to continue reading. What I will say against it though is that it's a very long sentence. Remove one of the 'and's in the middle, put in a period and then start a new sentence. It just makes it easier to read.

Maisie wrote:Maybe that’s because both our Dad’s were, and still are to this day, best friends.

Maisie wrote:“Come look at the sky, look how slow the clouds are moving.” He says, in a soft, soothing voice.