Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
word count: 1803
“Shit,” I said, tugging on Theo and pulling him into the darkness. The shadows loomed over us as we tripped and fell over something laying right in our path. As we sprawled to the ground, I felt the world shift around me. Everything suddenly felt wrong. Where I was laying, how I was laying, and even what I was wearing was clearly off. It felt like I was looking in a funhouse mirror, but I had somehow become my reflection. My limbs were too lanky. My hair was too restrained. My clothes didn’t feel nearly as comfortable as they should have.
The thing at our feet whirred with ancient, forgotten magic.
(A little farther away, the two shadowy beings collapsed into puddles of shifting darkness.)
Glowing, light blue eyes stared at me as I hurriedly sat up. It was like I was looking at a robot or doll; the eyes had no emotion. As the owner’s soft, pulsing hands tightly grabbed onto my wrists, I started to question if Theo was right about this place being cursed.
...Speaking of Theo, where was he right now? The only thing I could easily make out was the thing’s glowing blue eyes. I could feel something partially underneath me. It felt warm like a body. Maybe it was Theo?
Not entirely sure if the thing holding onto me liked the idea of me breaking free from its grasp, I nudged Theo with my elbow. It was harder to move than expected - I felt like I was wading through a thick, syrup-y sea. I assumed that it had something to do with the shadows that had been watching over us just seconds before.
I glanced back at my captor.
Deciding it was probably a bad idea to let Rose’s boyfriend die a second time (if we could even do that) I jerked my hands free from the thing holding them hostage. In response, the thing gave an almost angry whirring noise. Its gaze followed me as I went to shake Theo awake. It moved ever so closer as I gave up on the shaking and propped him up. And when I finally had the smart idea to check if he had any head injuries, it gave a soft, quiet whir.
Of course, there was the slight problem of not being near any source of light. We were a good few feet into the darkness, and too far away from a wall for me to see if I could do what I did back in the hallway. Theo’s phone was out, and I wasn’t even sure I could easily get to mine right now.
I eyed our little friend.
Fighting against the syrup, I held Theo’s limp body in front of its eyes. The light was just strong enough to illuminate his face in eerie, unnatural shadows.
But there was just one problem.
Theo didn’t have black hair. He didn’t have hazel eyes. And the dried blood had been on the left side of his face earlier - not coming down from the right side of his forehead. I wasn’t like I was looking at a stranger. A body hadn’t randomly shown up here. It was a body I knew better than anyone ever would, even though it didn’t make any sort of sense.
It was my body.
I dropped my body and scooted back away from it. The thing seized it and cradled it in its arms. I couldn’t make much more than that out thanks to the poor lighting. I also didn’t really care to. Having my body get taken by a strange ruin dweller wasn’t all that terrifying when I somehow wasn’t even in my body to begin with.
I wasn’t a ghost. I hadn’t gone through myself when I tried hoisting my body up. And it had been breathing, too - I had seen my chest going up and down. But how could that even happen when I wasn’t in it? Didn’t that go against all rules of how life and death worked?
And where was Theo?
...Van? Theo groggily asked.
I frantically glanced around. I had to be losing my mind; I couldn’t tell where Theo’s voice was coming from. It sounded like a whisper in my ear, but I didn’t feel anything next to me when I wildly started waving my arms out around me.
Something got him, Theo whispered, as if I somehow couldn’t hear him. My fingers kept catching air. The syrup got thicker around them. I was struggling to move them at this point, but desperation kept me from giving up. I needed to find Theo - not just to make sure he was alright, but so I could also reassure myself that this was real and not some horrible nightmare. Let-Let me go!
“Theo?” I whispered, voice quiet like his but not laced with fear. “Where are you-”
I gave a startled cry and covered my mouth with my hand.
That wasn’t my voice. That was Theo’s voice. I started frantically patting down my clothes, trying to disprove what I knew had to be the truth. The cloth underneath my fingertips was smooth and fine. I felt buttons and a collar. I felt perfectly ironed - albeit a little wrinkly now - pants. And when I felt my face, I found that the shape was all wrong. My hair was the wrong length and the wrong thickness.
I didn’t just have Theo’s voice.
I had Theo’s body, too.
I unsteadily got to Theo’s feet. The syrup had to be Theo fighting the whole thing, and the reason his voice sounded so weirdly close by was because it was all in his head. He couldn’t speak because I had default control over his mouth.
“I possessed you,” I realized.
Possessed me? Theo said, horror seeping into his voice. Who-Who are you? Let me go or I’ll-
“You couldn’t hurt a fly,” I said, crossing my – his – arms. “You’d get your shirt dirty."
Why does my shirt have anything to do with this?
I started to pace in my spot. The thing on the ground stared at me with blank, glowing eyes as it continued to hug my body. I’d have to get that back in a minute, once I remembered how ghosts got themselves out of possessions. “You’re just too…”
For once in my life, I struggled to find the right word.
“You’re too rich,” I finally decided.
Excuse me?
“I know who you are,” I said. It felt strange hearing the accusation in Theo’s voice instead of my own. I tried to shake the thought away as I kept contemplating how I was supposed to get myself back into my actual body. “I didn’t see a reason to bring it up earlier, but you’re the son of the people who run Mendel Genetics. The company's one of the most successful ancestry trackers in the entire world and regularly helps solve criminal cases by processing the DNA evidence. You guys are loaded.”
There was a pause. I could feel Theo trying to screw his face up into a look of contemplation and confusion, but I was winning the battle for control over his facial muscles. The most he could get was a little twitch.
You’re Van, he said.
“Took you long enough.”
You’re...You’re in my body.
I shrugged. “Looks like I can possess people.”
Theo didn’t have a response to that.
Seizing the opportunity - and the lack of resistance from Theo - I marched on over to the thing sitting on the floor and tried wrenching my body free. Whatever our glowing-eyed friend was, it had an incredibly strong grip. I wrapped Theo’s arms around my body and jerked it back, but all that happened was me getting pulled forward when the thing returned the gesture.
Theo’s body, my body, and the thing all went tumbling into the light filtering in through the open door.
The thing was stunned enough that its grip finally lessened. I gave my body one last triumphant tug, barely managing to hold it upright as I stood Theo’s body up again. It was starting to get confusing keeping track of what body was actually mine and which one I was currently in. How did ghosts ever do possessions? I felt like I was losing myself to all of the chaos.
I screwed my eyes shut and grounded myself.
If I could focus on what I was supposed to be like, then I’d be able to shove that crisis aside and be able to focus on the more important issue. I forgot the sensations of being in Theo’s body. I recalled what it was like to be in my own body: my height, my slightly superior eyesight, my clothes and anything else that made me me.
And then the world shifted again.
When I opened my eyes, I found myself in Theo’s arms.
My first reaction, of course, was to push Theo away from me. My next was to turn to the thing whirring down on the ground. Ignoring Theo’s offended look, I dragged our friend fully into the light of the hallway. It was time to see what we had gotten ourselves into.
It almost looked human if I squinted hard enough. It had the basic shape of one. The torso, limbs and head were all in the right proportion to each other. But it lacked the defining features. It had no hair. It had no clothes. Its body, which almost looked like it could have been out of human skin but was an eerie shade of bright white, was covered in similar markings to the hallway we were standing in. Our little friend, apparently, was a weird, cultish mannequin.
An old, weird, cultish mannequin. The thing definitely had seen better days. Moss, cobwebs, and what looked suspiciously like little mushrooms caked its skin. It was a miracle that I could see past the grime to tell what color its faux skin was.
Theo hesitantly joined me.
“What-What is that?” he questioned. Asking questions seemed to be his thing. “And where did the shadows go?”
I shrugged.
“I don’t know,” I said - killing two birds with one stone. “I just know that I was able to possess you.”
Theo just stared.
At first, I thought he was staring at me. Then I thought he was staring at the mannequin, seeing that said mannequin was unsteadily getting to its strange feet. But after a minute of watching him, I finally realized he was looking somewhere past us.
He was staring at the hole we had fallen through earlier.
“The rain stopped,” he pointed out.
I grinned. It looked like it was time to leave this place behind. All it would take was a little bit of convincing on my part.
End of chapter
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I'm back again! Slowly chipping away through these chapters!
Van's character is already so distinct. You can tell that this is his world and he feels responsible for Theo (even though he's not really sure what's going on right now)
This bit felt a bit odd. There was no indication that Theo wasn't with Van, especially as he pulled him and they both tripped.
If it even works. Theo's phone is out of battery, what makes Van think that his will work just fine?
Wow they really are in a funhouse! This is such a random twist I love it! Throw in some freaky Friday with all the mystery and I'm really intrigued to read on! I feel like this could lead to some hilarity further on if they stay in each other's bodies for a while xD
Oh ok they haven't swapped! I wonder whether Van will get his body back or if he'll insist they carry his body with them until he can go back into it.
Similar to before, this is something quite dramatic but said in a very normal way. I think you have some opportunity to increase the tension here
I know this has no romantic connotations for Van but I still love this sentence xD
I find it odd that he's just described it as a bright shade of white when he says he can barely see its skin.
Not sure if it's just me, but I don't see how he's killing two birds here?
Convincing Theo? Wouldn't he be willing to come?
Wow, a whirlwind of a chapter here! I hope Van uses his powers of possession for good, although presumably he'd have to find somewhere to store his body while he isn't using it - not something that I thought I'd ever say xD
The pace seems to be going well, and I'm well and truly hooked in
Icy
Hi again!
Thank you so much! He's loosely based on an alternate universe version of a canon character, so I've had a lot of time to write him and figure out his personality. I'm glad he's coming across as his own person!
Thanks for pointing that out! I'll try to make that a little clearer in revisions.
Sheer determination and stubbornness.
Thanks! I'm glad you got a kick out of it.
That's definitely something he'd do.
Good to know! I'll happily build the tension there in a future draft.
Same.
Thanks for pointing that out! Would it work better if he had to squint to see its skin color earlier?
He was answering both of the questions that Theo asked! It's not that clear now that I'm rereading that section, so I'll take that part out when editing this chapter.
I don't want to give any spoilers, but your questions will be answered in the beginning of next chapter!
Oh, definitely.
Thank you so much!! I'm really happy that you're enjoying this story so far. I hope chapter three keeps you intrigued and excited!
Hi, Spearmint here for a quick review!
Nice simile here; very creative! The “funhouse mirror” part also gives me this sort of a creepy vibe, maybe because I’ve seen too many examples of circus-related horror stories 0.0
Anyways, moving on:
“Ancient, forgotten magic” is always fun to read about! I wonder what kind of magic it might be... :p
One thing I might suggest here (totally optional, of course!) is to combine these two sentences, because to me the parentheses part makes it seem like you’re explaining something to the reader rather than showing it to them. So for example, you could do something like, “...whirred with ancient, forgotten magic as the shadowy beings melted away.” Just a thought!
Oooh this part is awesome! Like Mailice said, it must be horrifying to actually experience it— but since I’m just the reader, I can calmly read along, snacking on some potato chips XD
I do wonder how Van felt when he saw his body, though— you wrote that he didn’t find it “all that terrifying” because he wasn’t actually in his body, but did he feel worried? Curious? Something else? Personally I’d appreciate a little more detail here, unless of course the lack of emotion is part of Van’s character
Haha yes, there isn’t really any fitting response to “I can possess people” XD Good use of dialogue here!
Overall, I enjoyed reading this chapter and I’m excited to see where Van and Theo’ll go next! (That line “All it would take was a little bit of convincing” definitely hooks my attention...
Hi Spearmint!

First off: thanks! I didn't realize it until I started revising some of the later chapters, but that simile is actually going to make a comeback with a different character later on. >>
And ooh, thanks for the suggestion! I originally had them separate because I wanted to hint that Van was putting this all together later on (rather than in the moment) so he didn't realize that the shadows fell until he was reflecting on it later. I, uh, haven't really had a chance to bring it up yet, but this novel is basically Van recounting his adventure - that's also why he's able to give the description of how he died. If I somehow clarified that earlier on, do you think the current formatting of those two lines would work a little better?
I'm definitely down for expanding on Van's reaction! c:
I'm not sure how soon I'll have the next chapter up, but I hope you enjoy it when you finally get to read it! I'm really getting a kick out of your reviews.
Ah yes, the shadow lines would definitely make more sense if Van was looking at all this in hindsight. Also, if Van is recounting his adventure, maybe you could even add parts where he talks to the reader and comments on the action or something? Completely up to you, but I think that'd be pretty cool :p
And I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying my reviews! I'll be sure to read the next chapter too when you post it~ ^o^
Hi Magebird,

Mailice back with a new review!
The first thing that caught my eye was the warning under the title and I had to go back to the previous chapters to see if the story already had the note there.
I'm probably way off track here, but does Van mean that syrupy shadow thing and "our" refers to Van and Theo?
The bit before that, gave me goosebumps. I had already thought it could be his body. Then reading it gave me a bigger shiver than I expected. And yet Van keeps his temper to some extent, examines the body, describes it (so we now know what it looks like) and slowly finds out that it is himself. It must be a great horror to experience something like that yourself.
It was a very exciting chapter, sometimes a bit confusing. This time the action in narrative form was more important than just the dialogue. It was a nice change from the previous parts. Especially when Van possessed Theo's body, I was for a moment with the thought that Van had been more than human. I don't know to what extent his statements in Theo's body are important for the further plot, but I'll keep it in mind and spin my own theories a little. Also, I don't know yet to what extent I should incorporate this scene into Van's character and personality.
I've probably written this in every one of my reviews of you so far, but you still keep your style!
I am very curious to see what happens next. It seems that Van and Theo have survived the first difficulty! Keep writing!
Mailice.
Hi!

The friend that Van was referring to was actually the mannequin thing they found in the room. The comment wasn't too clear when I was skimming that line over again, so I'll definitely clarify it in revisions.
And I'm glad the body reveal gave you goosebumps! I already had most of it written before I started revising this chapter, but we just did a mini-unit on how characters connect with their bodies in my writing class. It was a big inspiration for how this scene ended up going.
Also, thanks for letting me know that the chapter could get a little confusing! Was there anything in particular that really made it confusing? If it's part of the narrative style, I want to make sure to avoid it in future chapters/when I'm revising this chapter again.
Thank you for your review! It was really helpful and interesting~
Hi!

The friend that Van was referring to was actually the mannequin thing they found in the room. The comment wasn't too clear when I was skimming that line over again, so I'll definitely clarify it in revisions.
And I'm glad the body reveal gave you goosebumps! I already had most of it written before I started revising this chapter, but we just did a mini-unit on how characters connect with their bodies in my writing class. It was a big inspiration for how this scene ended up going.
Also, thanks for letting me know that the chapter could get a little confusing! Was there anything in particular that really made it confusing? If it's part of the narrative style, I want to make sure to avoid it in future chapters/when I'm revising this chapter again.
Thank you for your review! It was really helpful and interesting~