This is the second part to a poem. Read the first here, if you like (although the pieces can stand alone):
I Can't Keep Secrets
If you think I’ll take the blame for this, then
Sadly you’re mistaken. My
Life was fine before you,
Eventually you’ll see that. You
Pretend it never happened
Though we both know that it did.
Why be angry over something you
Insisted that we hid?
This was not a plan to hurt you, but
Hate me if you must. Your
Monopoly upon me
And the games that you played
Turned and twisted this
Truth-telling tirade.
Still, you think I’m dirty
But I’m no worse than you. In
Reality my actions were not malicious
Or cruel. You’re the one who used me and
Told me I must
Hide. In the
End you’ll cast your mind back and
Remember that I tried.
NB: I'd like to point out that the strange-looking structure of my poem, it's like that for a reason. If anyone would like to know the secret behind the strange form, or cares to hedge a guess as to why it is that way, feel free to message me ![]()
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Thanks so much everyone. I added a note about the strange structure.
Amazing... i agree with the writers above me --i don't wanna repeat things!
Keep Writing!
Nike
I liked this...a little. I thought it a bit bland and unoriginal (because, really, reading it I could hear the same words I had heard million times bouncing around in my head). But it was nice. I could certainly hear the emotion throughout, so nice on that part.
Overall...it was pretty good. With a bit of tweeking, I'm sure it will be a thousand times better.
I did indeed intend it that way
That's much better! Thanks so much, that line always bothered me because I couldn't get it right.
Thank you for all the comments, I loved reading them
I liked this; it was angry without being over-the-top. You have some capitalization issues and line breaks in weird places, but maybe you intended it that way?
"Insisted that we hid?"
I think that should be "hide."
I liked the rhyme; it was fresh and off-kilter, not at all forced.
I really really liked this poem. The only thing that might be changed is the breaks in the lines. Like the first one, I wonder if you don't want to rearrange this? But if you did--
That's all! Keep writing!