​Our Death makes us different

I can feel the chills in this poem! Hahaha! The poem is really really really good! I can feel the dark aura on this poem! And its really sad!

I like this part:

"Enigmatic mortality festers
The wounds we neglect.
And for what reason
Should we be stopped?"

And:

"Not one can define
An alternate ending
For your life
Nor mine"

I have a feeling the persona is somehow whispering to this kind of words to someone. Am I right? Or am I right? Cause I feel death is coming to this persona. Haha but the poem is really good!

Lupin! Long time and no chat. (Makes a sad face) I just reviewed a really sad piece, and it may or may not be hard to see my screen because of the tears *ahem ahem* so I will do my best to review this piece. Like I have said before I think I am going to focus on the feels instead of the grammar since there are so many people who are so much better at it than i am. I kinda skimmed the first time through, so now I'm gonna go back and read it again, looking for the feels! :3 okay okay very good. It combines dark and dismal and cheerful hope, which is good, since most poems about life have that, so congrats on another good work, King of the Wolves. Pm me sometime, it's been a while.

I like!!!

Incredible appreciation? It just keeps getting better.

Hi Lupin~

This was rather genius. I have nothing much to criticize, to be honest, so I'll shower you with compliments for a while. This is actually the first time I've really read a poem that seems like it's intended to have both free verse and rhyme. You've managed to execute this perfectly. Your formatting was spot on. The ideas you are able to incorporate into such a short single-stanza poem are thought-provoking, and bigger than the poem itself. This is wonderful.

Wow...I just can't get over this.

I can already feel the shortness and unhelpfulness of this review, so I figure I'll give you something to fix (but honestly, this is as near to perfection as it gets; so don't worry too much about it).

"Enigmatic mortality festers
[in] the wounds we neglect."

I added the "in" in there. I'm pretty sure that's grammatically correct, and it sounds better.

"In all our infinite inspiration,
Not one can define
An alternate ending
For your life
nor mine."

This is great, and your ending is dramatically conclusive in the best way possible, but the "alternate" throws me off. Alternate to what? There's not really any alternating going on...we can't predict any afterlife, much less ever other afterlife. What word could we put in there?....Maybe "definite" or "unequivocal", or "absolute"? I'm not sure.

Your title: "Our Death makes us different". It's strange. The exclusive capitalization of "Our" and "Death" is weird, but I'm mostly talking about the nature of the title overall. I'm not telling you to change it...but to me, it just undermines the quality of your poem. It doesn't pack a punch.

Other than that, the only other thing I'm going to note on is how your capitalization gets kind of inconsistent towards the end. At first you capitalize at the beginning of every sentence, then starting at "In all our infinite inspiration", you begin capitalizing the beginning of every line. And I'm all like WHAT, you know? And that takes away from the flow of your piece.

Again, none of these things are big deals because, despite everything I managed to find through thorough scrutinization, this was totally awesome and I loved it.

Yours,
Sav

Spoiler

...waiting on that incredible appreciation...

I liked it