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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
i think this is my favorite poem of yours i've read. it's lovely <3
Thank you, Marms! <3
c: <3
Hello,
This is beautiful! How you expressed the feeling of love and freedom to longing and wondering is wonderful and the flow between lines is different but it works for you. Every poem is different a unique and I find that how you set up your poem with make it stand out and be rememberable to the reader. I love your word choice as well and how do give the reader enough to know what is going on but keep enough to yourself so that they can make it their own with your different phrases. Great job!
Happy Writing!
-M.
Thank you! I do love me some inferential wiggle room! Let me know if I can ever repay the favor.
This is Kaos here for a review!
So as this is your first poem of 2017, I may as well review it. It's also because I don't have any background other than the first draft which is why I'm hurling myself right into this. This is a pretty piece, but it doesn't really do much new? It's mostly exploring more into from what I've seen from you before. I do like it in the sense that it's quite the calm poem and it doesn't explore anything that's too hard hitting? It's soft but powerful and that's where I think the strength of the poem lies. We see that the theme is gotten across quite clearly and there's only a couple of points that are actually in the poem. The speaker has dreamt something beautiful but woke up and now wants to go back to that.
It's an idea that hits really hard with me and I appreciate the delicacy you took in handling it. Waking up from a dream that you didn't want to wake up from and I think that's an interesting idea to play around with because I've felt it before and I know that the speaker of the poem has felt it before. One thing that I wanted to touch on was the vocabulary which really wasn't that bad with this poem but it does feel like it's something that you focused on here which interests me. It's not that it's too heavy or anything but I do think that it could have been more smoothly incorporated in the poem?
Just a thought. I still think that the ending stanza is a little weird and that might be because the "hand-to-hand" part that was in here but it gets the point across for the poem that the speaker wants to go back into their same dream. I also wanted to comment on the "mm -- yes." which was such a tiny interval but I think it had a lot of strength laying behind it and added a lot more to the poem rather than leaving that out. Not your strongest as we've established, but it works well in being soft but powerful at the same time.
Hope my notes helped and have a great day!
Thank you Kays. <3 All this has gone into my notes. I'm still experimenting with most parts, as I do, but the final stanza has me frustrated the way art frustrates me. There are also some fluidity changes I'm making that may sneak in by tonight. Iunno.
I love this so much and I wish I could give you a review, but I'm not good with poems. Really great job though!
Thank you! We can jam about poetry someday if you want.
You're welcome! That'd be lovely, yes XD.