My brown eyes see blue and rose
the waters and the flora, the
profoundness and the near
I want to be a good person
but to be good is to be everything
I am nothing at all—but dust
that has hardened into bone, law
that has manifested into heart
I want to be a good person
but my blood stains; only His can cleanse
I am little in the presence of this love
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Some verses for additional context:
Genesis 3:19 - By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.
Romans 2:15-16 - They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.
1 John 1:7 - But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
Love love love!!
Never stop writing friend! <3
thats a very meaningful poem big sis i love it
Hey, cher! I'm going to be picking this lovely poem of yours for today's review. Let's dig in~
I love you use colors to convey your metaphors so beautifully! The imagery is in carried in the second line, with waters for the blue and the flora standing for rose. I'm a little curious of the color choice though, and if there's a hidden meaning somewhere. Mixing blue and rose colors don't exactly make brown, unless there are hidden undertones. Have you used that fact? If yes, what does that shade represent for you?
And there metaphor gets more literal, but does not lose it's richness. Impressive! I like how it can be interpreted religiously as well (a common theme in your poetries). The near is the material world around, while the profound is for the Almighty.
The awareness and humility is chilling here! It's like a big expectation is being placed on the fragile shoulders of the speaker who is extremely limited in their mortal form. Definitely my favorite line <3
That's a very poetic idea! Something abstract solidifying into a metaphorical assumption of the heart is the perfect creative blend one could ask for.
It's the second time you've used this line. Nothing actually wrong with it, but repetition without purpose bores the reader. I'd suggest, at least, swapping it for a variant of the line to retain interest and flow of the narrative. Perhaps it could add something? Here's my personal suggestion- "I'm a flawed person, wanting to do better"
Acknowledgement of one's own sins (what I believe the stains stand for here) with such boldness really got to me. At first glance and without context, it seems like the speaker is insecure and escaping responsibility. But when one gets to see the entire picture, the contrast of divinity and thus capability is very much clear. If you're taking my suggestion btw, adding 'and' before "only" can go a long way in enhancing the impact.
I love how this sounds, but the message doesn't get across too well. Perhaps something like "I'm little, compared to his immense love", would capture your emotions better?
Overall, this was simple and captivating poem that flows effortlessly. I love the title aptness and theme, though the little details could use some polishing to be made more appealing. But the piece stands well enough this way, wonderfully so even. Thank you for sharing and keep writing. This is all for now. Eager to review more poems for you, until next time~
Love, Alex
I really enjoyed this piece. The opening stanza is absolutely brilliant. The movement of the poem is executed excellently, transitioning from the outward to the inward, and then to the upward. I particularly appreciated the contrast between "the profoundness and the near," which seems to establish one of the poem's central tensions: the coexistence of the immense and the intimate. As a result, the poem progresses from a desire for goodness to the realization of the impossibility of achieving perfect goodness through oneself, ultimately leading to a dependence on divine mercy.
The line contrasting "law" and "heart" is especially striking to me. The law is external, formal, and rigid, while the heart is internal, living, and emotional. The principles of the law are embedded in our hearts, and our conscience serves as a witness; thus, the inner self has the capacity to both accuse and justify itself. The Pauline epistles have always been a rich source of inspiration for me, so I was grateful to encounter that allusion here. This experience has left me with theological reflections and personal inspiration.
Thank you for this read.