Hectic, blaring,
screaming
swearing
lights flaring
bottles breaking
confusion making
community faking
cracks shaking
smiles flailing
trust failing
sirens wailing
emotions sailing
going astray
leading the way
hope of clay
melts away
in its sway
nothing left to pay.
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Greetings Lucia!!
Well, well, well, what do we have here?
When I first saw this poem I was like "what the heck is this?!" But after I read it I was like "interesting". Your way of sculpting an unique poem like this was brilliant and it gives the poem that extra something. Good job!
Anyway, back to the poem's contents. I love the way that one line flows into the next, the rhythm splendidly executed in my opinion. It creates the illusion that you are floating on a long winfing river leading to an unknown place.
Your rhyming skills also add to this flowing rhythm. It also revealed to me that you have a expansive vocabulary, being able to rhyme so many words after each other. I also enjoyed the alliteration in this piece, like "bottles breaking" and "confusion community"
I also enjoyed the message of the poem. It was captivating and striking, and will stay with me for a good long while yet.
A well executed poem, and I will be on the lookout for more of your pieces. Therefore I rate this piece 8.5 out of ten. Marvelous!
Sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
Hey TheWanderingWizard,
But thanks!
I'm glad you enjoyed my work! I'm also glad that you understood it so well. I was a little worried that people would get caught up in the format of the poem. Thank you, also, for all your lovely complimentary comments, although I will say that I, in my opinion, probably don't deserve half of them...
Cheers to you!
First off I will start with saying, good job!
Okay, so I love the structure in this piece and how it lays out. I also like how the content correlates with the structure. Furthermore, I love the way this poem makes me feel-like a surge of emotion bordering on confusion, anger, and then even a surge of what I could only describe as loss. I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with your piece. So, as I said before, great job and keep at it!!!
Thank you! Those are exactly the emotions that the reader is meant to feel, so good job interpreting it!
Cheers to you!
Explain the position of the words to me. It adds an interesting effect, but I'm not a hundred percent sure I understand it.
I like the poem, though. You start with noise and chaos, bringing in vivid sights and sounds. I like how you rhymed the lines, too. The poem flows very nicely. Good job!
It ended up looking like a pattern, I suppose, but in the first section, the position of my words were meant to be every-which-way, messy, and unpredictable. The part where the words tilt to the right is meant to be symbolic of the lines "emotions sailing/going astray/leading the way". I hope the explanation helped.
As for your compliments, thank you very much! "Chaos" was somewhat my inspiration for this, so you hit the nail on the head.
Cheers!