A/N This is the absolute first draft, so it probably needs a lot of tweaking. You have been warned. :)
I am your fire,
so watch me burn.
My tongues, ring, crack
flame, and churn.
~~~~~~~~~
I'll corner you gently
circle you 'round.
My smoke figures
press you to the ground.
~~~~~~~~~
I touch you lightly
bringing tears.
But they fuel my rage;
my heat sears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the anger you feel,
there,
credit is due.
~~~~~~~
You put it there
dear one
for that, I thank you.
~~~~~~~
You are my puppet
held with
smoke strings, gone slack.
~~~~~~~
Your soul, long
gone.
Your heart, charred black.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hi there, I'm TheBlackSheep.
I really enjoy this poem, it's very powerful and gripping while at the same time simplistic in a way that is easy and pleasant to read. The ways to interpret this are innumerable and I'm very curious as to your thoughts when writing it. The narrator is some sort of demon perhaps, torturing a soul trapped in Hell. Maybe it's even simpler than that, maybe it's a sadistic human taunting their long time captive, or even society beating down any who seek to rise above it and forcing conformation. Maybe not so much the last one but my point stands. The meaning in this piece is beautiful.
Anyone who knows me could tell you that I could talk for days about Voice in literature. (I personally find it to be one of the more important aspects). In this piece your voice is extremely well defined. Clear intent, and a magnificent picture is painted of the speaker. It's taunting, sadistic, evil for lack of a better word. Even more impressive it paints a picture of the victim as well without the victim ever having to speak. Your reader can "see" them as broken, weak, and hopeless simply from your Voice.
You are my puppet
held with
smoke strings, gone slack.
This is a key element is the poem, and my favourite line. The metaphor of the captive being a puppet is seconded only to the slack strings the reader pictures in their mind while reading this. I wonder the significance of smoke strings though. Does it mean that the strings are perceived only by the victim or is it simply another demonic symbol is a dark poem?
If I were going to pick at anything in this poem it would probably be the ~ barriers between every stanza and possibly even the existence of stanza's. The ~ barriers are different lengths and that appears somewhat messy and aesthetically unappealing to some readers. If you're sold on stanzas then spaces would probably suffice as dividers and if you're not I think it could be read as continuous.
This piece is brilliant, has a strong Voice, and its multiple interpretations add to it's appeal. In the grand scheme of things a few aesthetic corrections are absolutely nothing major, well done.
- TheBlackSheep
Even though it's been a while (sorry
), I want to thank you for reviewing. I really appreciate all of your compliments. 
I'm sorry about the barriers though. I would have used spaces, but for some reason, whenever I post, the process gets rid of all the formatting. Thus, I'm reduced to using "~"'s whenever I post a poem.
Again, thank you so much for reviewing, I'm glad you liked the poem. You've made my day.
Cheers!
Dear Author,
I am not going to tell you that you have made any mistakes, because poetry, is not designed to be perfectly constructed. I must say, however, that this piece of literature, is most eye opening and deep. I at first believed that I was reading about a smiths forge, but then I realized that in my mind, it feels like the whole thing is, about the Darkness of life, and that the Darkness is the one who is reciting, the piece.
Sincerely The Truth
Hey Truth,
Thanks for reviewing. Your interpretation was pretty accurate. The Dark, as you put it, is basically thanking the reader for allowing the Dark to overcome them.
Thanks again for reviewing, and by the way, I really like your closing, "Sincerely, The Truth" .