"This is it," voiced Delar, pointing with his flashlight at the monumental walls that led into the cliffs beyond. Despite the size of tunnel entry, Eald could easily imagine missing it if they were to have found themselves even a little to its side. A chilling thought. The darkness was so foreboding that Eald knew they were at the very edge of the Illuminated Zone - the ultimate penumbra that separated her world from the ominous outside, emphasized by the distant wall beyond view. It had been raining for a number of hours now, the cold water seeping through their clothes and amplifying the freezing wind. They haven't stopped for the entire day, initially hoping to reach the tunnel before the storm reached them, frustratingly in vain. By the time they were safely beneath the roof of the tunnel entrance, Eald was shaking visibly. They all sat down as soon to rest for a few moments except Delar and Rueli, who stepped aside to consult each other privately.
It was only after a few moments of rest from the long journey that day that Eald noticed for the first time the size of the tunnel. She had remembered seeing it from afar during the flashes of lightning, but that was a few hours ago, before the rain started pouring and blocking their vision. She only now came to begin to realize how big it must be to have been seen from such a distance. As she looked around, she saw that her suspicions of its size were not entirely unfounded. She pointed her flashlight at the ceiling, and found that the beam failed to disperse the darkness above. If she didn't know better, she would have thought that she was simply between two windowless buildings that seemed to stretch forever. The distance between the two walls was equally nontrivial - they were easily ninety metres apart.
The ground itself provided some contrast to the walls - while the latter were barren and devoid of any detail, the former was filled with regular patterns and rectangular grooves that have throughout the years been filled with dirt and water. One could not tread carelessly, for it was easy to trip on the strange surface and hit the head against the dangerously shaped ground. Eald realised that she was sitting on one such thing herself, and was thankful for not having to rest on the dirt that covered the rest of the ground.
After ten minutes or so, Delar signalled that it was time to move on. Spiegel gave him a dissatisfied glance, but did not raise any objections. The others were enthusiastic about the notion - the size of the tunnel had begun to intrude upon their thoughts, and they realised that they might as well be sitting out in the open for all the protection the walls offered. While they have not encountered anything of danger on their way so far, it would have been naive to believe that this agreeable trend would continue.
When they were all ready, Delar began leading them into the tunnel, using his flashlight to light the way. The others did the same, careful to avoid the mechanical patterns grooved into the ground. Eald realised that there were actually three metal beams leading through the tunnel - two nearer to the walls, and one at the centre, somewhat larger than the other two and raised a little above the ground on regular pillars of metal. The years of dust had made them initially appear as yet more concrete, but their metallic composition became quite obvious when she noticed the rusted bolts that fixed them in the concrete foundations. She could not imagine a use for such strange beams, and when she mentioned this to Delar, he simply told her that she will see soon enough.
As they advanced through the tunnel, they passed a number of doors affixed to the walls, sometimes raised above the ground and accompanied by stairs. "Where do these lead?" Eald inquired, eying the doors uneasily.
After a moment of silence, Rueli finally spoke up. "They lead to the utility passages. Quite narrow things from what I can recall. Designed mainly for simple electrical maintenance." One of the doors they passed had a small hole in its metal surface at the bottom. As Eald pointed her flashlight at it, a rat fled to the other side. Rueli winced. "Quite the breeding ground for rats. Can't imagine what they find to eat in there."
The rest of their journey was primarily in silence. Eald was not sure whether he was sweating or whether he was simply taking longer to dry from the rain outside. Either way, it had an unnerving effect on her. She looked at the others, and found Saiss licking her lips nervously, and Rueli looking foward with deep suspicion. Even Spiegel relaxed his natural expression of permanent amusement, glancing behind them far too frequently.
It took another ten minutes before Delar finally spoke up.
"Something is very wrong here."
Eald looked at him in puzzlement, wondering whatever he could have meant. Saiss was about to raise the question when he continued.
"This area is supposed to be lit," he muttered. Knowing that the others expected an explanation, he continued without further pause. "The only reason this tunnel is used is because it was lit by lights placed at regular intervals, just enough not to exhaust the power supply. It was the duty of the workers at the observatory to maintain this light."
"Could it be that they simply did not notice the lights going out?" Rueli enquired. "From what I now, they're only required to arrange an inspection once every month."
"This is very likely it," he replied. "But I would have thought that they should be able to detect the discrepancy on their monitors. Either way, it's best if we are careful."
"As we should be anyway."
"Exactly."
The rest of their journey extended the previous silence, the others joining Spiegel in the habit of anxiously glancing behind them from time to time. Eald imagined that this power failure may be an indication of the food the rats were finding. Either way, she hoped that this did not have anything to do with the distress signal.
At least she thought it was a distress signal. There were no protocols describing the use of a flare - in fact, there were no protocols at all for summoning help. In any case, such protocols would be likely ineffective - it would take at least a week for anyone to reach the observatory, much less make preparations to be of any use in case of danger. It took their own team a number of days of waiting to obtain two revolvers and the appropriate ammunition - they had to wait for the Echelon to approve the weapons, and then issue them. There were quite few weapons to be found, and very little material to create the powder required for the bullets, so it was only natural that their availability remained limited. Few weapons that worked, anyway. There were piles of pistols and rifles and other devices that were designed for destruction - yet none of them were functional. Most of the weapons that did not work had no ammunition slots, and had designs quite different to the revolvers and rifles stored at the Echelon. They were often composed of a myriad of movable parts and hinges, although such movements did not seem to be designed to be effected by human hands. She could barely imagine how one would be used, and others agreed - they were mostly of interest only to private scientists and antiquarians.
They walked for another thirty minutes, with Eald wishing for one of the revolvers carried in Delar's bag. Despite her nervousness, though, she found herself momentarily drifting into thought. When she looked up at last, she found herself staring at a gigantic construction, slowly becoming more visible in the torchlight as they moved closer. The three metal beams that have accompanied them all this way continued into this construction, passing through holes that were intentionally designed to receive them. The machine was easily forty metres high, spanning twice as much in width. Its metal surface was filthy after years of grime and dirt, but was untouched by rust or any other damage. Many ladders could be seen on its surface, leading up onto platforms and walkways that were built into the structure. As they walked closer, she noticed that there appeared to be panels that were darker that the rest of the surface, yet slightly more reflective. Windows, she realised. "What is this?" She heard herself asking.
"It seems to be a transportation machine", Rueli explained. "It had been here when the tunnel was discovered. The doors are locked, and the windows impregnable. As far as I know, no one has been able to enter inside." When they approached close enough, he pointed at a spot cleaner than the rest. "This is where they have attempted to blast through the windows using dynamite, back then where it was more readily available than it is now." He walked closer and squinted at the dark surface. "I don't think they even left a scratch."
Eald was amazed. "Did you manage to see what's inside through the windows?"
Rueli shook his head. "The windows seem to be shuttered on the other side. And either way, it makes no matter. We can't get inside, so we might as well leave it." He motioned towards a narrow pass on the left side of the machine. Delar stood there lighting his flashlight into the darkness beyond. "We should go. The observatory is only a few hours away.
Eald followed him, examining the rectangular fractal patterns towering above her. A transportation device? The first thing that sprung to mind was a bicycle. There were certainly no automatic transportation machined in public operation that she knew of. If there were, unless the owner was under the protection of the Echelon, they would find themselves relieved of their fortune quite quickly. Not that she was unfamiliar with the concept. There were many such machines - smoothly shaped cabins that dotted the landscape of the less populated regions, and primarily resided in the scrap yards that surrounded the city. Yet even the biggest ones she saw were much smaller than the machine she was passing. It was not entirely uncommon to see machines ten metres tall and thirty long, yet their size seemed humble in comparison. When she looked up, she found an infinite abyss of walkways and pipes facing the solid concrete wall. While she knew that her flashlight was able to reach the top of the vehicle, however faintly, the ceiling remained a black void that swallowed the light, giving the illusion of a drop into vertical infinity. Her head was spinning after ten seconds of looking up. When she stumbled on the ground and almost fell, she decided that perhaps it was best to concentrate on the present dangers before her.
It took them a number of minutes to finally walk past the machine. Once they were through the narrow passage, Eald was both somewhat relieved and yet disturbed by the fact. Relieved, because there was now some measure of metallic safety between them and the outside world - things bigger than people would be unable to fit between the machine and the walls surrounding it, although that was an absurd comfort. Furthermore, the sense of verticality had faded, taking with it the feeling of danger from above. Yet, the sudden horizontal expanse back to what it had been before left her feeling somewhat more vulnerable towards omnidirectional threats. There were no walls to lean against, and she noticed that the tunnel was somewhat wider now. Looking around, it seemed that the three metal beams that went through the machine ended behind her, curving to disappear into the concrete ground. This was the end of the track, and consequently the tunnel itself was of an entirely different form. While the ceiling did not seem any lower than before, the ground was no longer as irregular as it had been - it was entirely flat. Massive crates were lying in disheaval on it, most of them open and thoroughly empty. They were most likely emptied centuries ago for their precious resources.
Rats fled from their flashlights as they continued walking, screeching at the light. Eald looked up once more, and but this time without raising her flashlight. It occurred to her that there may be bats hanging from the ceiling, as unlikely as that was. Yet Delar had mentioned that the area was previously illuminated, so she imagined she was merely being paranoid once more. After ten minutes of walking past the colossal crates, they entered a door just about large enough to admit a person - a sight that provided sharp contrast to the otherwordly proportions of the rest of the tunnel. Rueli explained that this was one of the utility tunnels they could use to reach the observatory. There was a different entrance somewhat larger in size that had not been blocked, but it would have taken them longer to reach it, and it was only openable from the other side. Since the wellbeing of the workers in charge of the observatory could not be soundly determined, it only made sense to take a less obvious route.
The utility passage had been as she had expected. The walls were lined with an assortment of different pipes and wires - primarily the latter. Fans were mounted behind protective grills on the ceiling, their sharp blades dulled by the passage of time. They were doubtlessly once used to cool the passage itself, but she doubted anyone had seen them in operation in the last millenium. It was clear that the place has been recently maintained, however. The dust was nowhere near as dominant as it should have been, and the door they used to enter was well oiled and in working order, as the gleam from their flashlights revealed. They did not have to go far before Delar motioned them to a halt.
"This is the only other entrance that was left unbarred that we're aware of. For safety reasons, it was left... Not obvious." He pointed at a metal grill mounted on the wall itself, its bottom touching the ground. Behind it was another fan, and behind that, darkness. Delar took of his backpack and began searching for something as he was explaining. "We will have to unscrew this grill and take out the fan before we can go through. The shaft goes a lengthy fifty metres without increasing in size, which is when it ends, so we'll be forced to crawl on hands and knees until we reach the other side. I suggest you all push your backpacks in front of you, or it could get more cramped than you'd like. I've witnessed a person get stuck in there once. I guess they weren't exactly fit for their duty, so to speak, but it's always best to be careful."
As soon as he was done freeing the well-oiled screws that head the grill in place, he carefully dislocated it from the wall and placed it on the ground. The fan itself was rather easy to detach - it had likely been unscrewed when the passage was prepared. Delar placed his screwdriver back into his backpack and pushed it into the shaft, motioning for the others to follow him before descending to his knees and climbing into the void beyond.
Spiegel seemed quite dissatisfied with the notion. He hmmm'd when it was his turn to go through, although did not do much beyond complaining. Eald was beginning to wonder whether he was merely a man of illusions - one quick to scold and claim superiority, but unable to defeat an inner cowardice. She put the thought on hold as she herself got down and started climbing into the shaft, pushing her bag with one hand and holding her flashlight with the other. The passage was surprisingly clean, with only a few occasional spider webs that clung to her face as she crawled. In spite of herself, she couldn't restrain a small laugh in pity of Delar and the others who went first. They were undoubtedly the ones responsible for the relatively pleasant - albeit difficult - progress. He was certainly right about the size of the shaft - within minutes her muscles were beginning to ache not only from the exertion, but from the inability to make any but the most trivial of movements.
They were at last at their destination, she realised. Not entirely, but almost. The weeks of waiting and traveling finally paid off - at least in regards to them reaching their objective. To scout, aid, and report back to the Echelon of what they find, after which they were to be relieved of the need to go on missions for the next two years. Closing her eyes for a moment, she allowed herself to assimilate the facts of the present into her mind. Right now she was likely past the very last touches the Sun, past the limbo where they have entered the tunnel and past the walls that were raised to separate the two worlds, helping to protect one from the other. Above her, the plants that were revealed to her by the lightning likely grew, the violent storm raging on, its thunder unable to pierce the ground above her. Beyond the black clouds of the storm, or perhaps through it, ran the invisible streams of energy that struck down the birds that flew too high, and at times harried the tallest of mountains.
And beyond that, there was nothing.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi! Aravis here to review, representing the Wicked Squids! WARNING: I have not read your previous chapter. But I will try to give you a helpful review anyway without asking annoying questions.
You are writing in past tense so it should be "she would see soon enough"Good things: You have a very mature vocabulary which you seem to know how to utilize. A lot of your description is well written, just remeber to "show, don't tell." You were pretty good at that, but a few times you slipped into a bit of telling.
Nitpicks:
eyeing
realized
Other critiques: OK. I feel like this whole chapter is a huge info/description dump. I found myself skipping paragraphs to find something that was actually happening. Every scene should have action (goal,disaster,conflict) and reaction(reaction,dilemna,decision). A scene can extend over the period of a few chapters. If this chapter is just part of a scene, it should still include one element of the full scene scructure. Does that make sense?
Also, I feel like this needs more dialogue, external or internal. Even the one block of dialogue you have is confusing. You have a bunch of characters, and I have nooo idea who is speaking.
Last thing, what is your point of view (POV)? I'm thinking it is Eald. If it is, I want to feel more of her emotions. It's great that I can see what she is seeing but if I don't have any emotions, it gets boring pretty quick.
Happy Review Day!
Hello, WindSailor here to review. I didn't notice any technical errors, so I am going to make a quick summary on the chapter, then I will comment on the content. This chapter was, I believe, a welcomed break from the other two. It had a lot more action taking place rather then giving background and description, although you did manage again to do an excellent job with describing the world around them. I felt this chapter had a great balance between the two.
The content was also great. You had a mission and an objective so that the reader was wanting to see if they would complete or fulfill it. Also, you kept it really interesting when you talked about Echelon. At this point in time, we know little about Echelon, but it got me thinking and asking, what is Echelon, why are they sending them on a mission, and why are they interested in the observatory? Echelon just adds a lot more depth to the story, and makes you ask even more questions, and therefore will make me want to read the next chapter.
Moreover, you elaborated on the characters that you started to introduce in the previous chapter. Now we are getting a feel for their personality and how they behave. For some reason Spiegel seems to interest me. He is always not happy or satisfied with them as we see by his expressions, and I am curious as to why that is. I think that might become clear later, but it is an interesting trait to add to the character, and I think it adds to the story and the chemistry of the team.
The ending was nice. It kind of summed everything that has been happening up in a sort of poetic way. The last line is a bit sudden, but I liked it, it adds suspense to the chapter, and brings it all to a close.
The story as a whole at the moment is coming along nicely. I am very interested to see where you go from here, now that they made it to the observatory. So, post that next chapter so I can see what happens. :p