Eald walked through the sinister green forest, absorbing the lush vegetation that seemed to almost glow beneath the bright orange light. The sky was moving strangely in a way she could not explain - it was slowly floating from one side of the horizon to the other, but she knew that this was natural. She had wandered through these mountains for numerous months now, stalking through the green mist that clung to the surface of the planet, wondering when it would finally make her suffocate. Strange buildings could be seen in the distance, their rectangular forms in contrast with the irregular covering of jungle, but no matter how much she attempted to reach one, none were ever closer to being disturbed. Aside from those buildings, nothing could be seen in any direction except for the bright green trees and bushes, although the mist they formed restricted visibility. She knew that great cities lay beyond, but had never seen one. Sighing, she moved on.
She had never seen what lay beneath the plants, either, although she was not sure she cared to. They covered the earth so thoroughly that even upon crawling, what lay below remained a mystery to her. She had considered it to be soil, but soon realised with horrible triumph that no soil could ever give rise to such plants. She could not remember walking, truth be told, though she knew she must have been doing so to traverse the miles that she had. This did not disturb her, and she was merely grateful - no one would have been able to move through this dense growth in any other manner.
It was five more years before she spotted the plane moving silently through the sky, higher that any birds she had ever seen. Amazed, she had to stop and stare, marvelling at the object and knowing that any moment now it would see her and descend, landing nearby to take her out of the jungle and into the cities she knew to lie beyond.
In excitement Eald began to shout, waving to the metal beast, but her excitement turned to fear as she saw the bright green trail of mist that fell down from its wings, falling onto the vegetation before joining the dense fog that plagued the ground, poisoning all that dared to breathe it save for the plants themselves. A mist that she knew would poison her as well.
Choking and trying to cover her mouth with an unseen sleeve, she ran for where she believed the plane was to land, moving through the trees with newfound ease. With great immediacy the vegetation turned from the omnipresent jungle to a field of dense low grass, with the crooked plane standing in its centre. It took her twenty minutes to reach its open door, but soon she did and found herself inside. The plane took off, and Eald marvelled through the window at the treetops as she was propelled above them at great speed.
Wishing to thank the captain, she made her way towards the cabin, moving past the seemingly endless array of rotting chairs. Weirdly, however, she found no one to thank. The cabin was empty, devoid of any life at all, with the wheel turning on its own in silence. She knew then that there have never been any people in this world, aside from her. That realisation made her scream.
It was then that the clouds beyond the windows scattered, revealing a different scene from what she found below. The bright orange glow of the strange sun was gone to reveal black electric clouds. The plane was in in a storm, Eald saw, the familiar storms that she had always known. The solid black clouds stretched far into the sky, illuminated from within by white flashes of light, each one succeeded by shaking thunder. The clouds plumed far into the sky in irregular fashion, shaped by the fractal effect of the energy that traversed the sky. She stared into the blackness, breathing deeply, and as her skin began to melt, an epiphany occurred.
These were no clouds at all, she realised.
They were the remainder of burned planes.
Eald’s eyes sprang open, her mouth moving wordlessly in shock. Inhaling uncertainly, she huddled in her blankets. She did not have dreams often, or most likely merely forgot most of them, but this one was still fresh in her memory, feeling almost as real as any day’s events. Fumbling for her flashlight, she used it to illuminate her watch to check the time. It was almost time to wake, she realised, although still somewhat too early. Nevertheless, she had enough dreams for one night. Throwing back her covers, she put on the rest of her attire before clumsily walking towards the door with a failed attempt to suppress a trembling yawn. The memory of the dream was slowly losing its horror to leave behind an aspect of considerable wonder.
Stepping outside, a shiver went through her. These regions were particularly cold, it seemed. Looking up at the dark cloudless sky, her gaze was drawn towards the crimson spot of light near the horizon. The Sun was low in the sky, shimmering through the many miles of air, barely able to illuminate the surrounding buildings. It touched a line of distant skyscrapers, and Eald knew that if it was to descend just a little lower they would find themselves having to rely on their flashlights to see anything at all. Not a happy prospect, especially given their meagre supply of batteries, but it was nothing unexpected. The observatory they meant to reach lay beyond the illuminated area, so this was unavoidable.
Turning, she walked back towards one of the houses where she and the rest of her team have chosen to rest, going back inside to take some of the nutrition they have brought. It was dark inside, so she was forced to use her flashlight yet again to find her way around, somewhat uneasy at the prospect of wasting energy that could become vital in the near future. A little use should be inconsequential, however.
It was not long before she passed through the sparsely decorated metallic passageways of what she imagined might have once been a shopping point to arrive at the large windowless room where they have left their backpacks. Taking hers, she opened it and retrieved three of the multitude of plastic bottles that were stored inside, together with a cup. she then turned back and walked towards a bathroom she had noticed on their first arrival to the place. She had been careful to check that they had running water, and now she did not hesitate before filling the cup with some of the blackened liquid that trickled from the tap in a sorry stream. Grimacing at the foul stench, she opened one of her bottles and threw a tablet into the mess, observing as it began to react with the liquid. Within half a minute the water was clear again, redeemed from years of rotting in some reservoir for what surely must have been centuries. Opening the other two bottles, she swallowed two capsules from each with the help of the water, her face involuntarily contorting at the vile taste that no tablet could eradicate. Having received her bi-daily dose of nutrition, she returned to replace what she took from the backpack.
When Eald was back near the rooms they chose to sleep in, she found two of her team members already awake talking to each other. Delar and Runuli were having a conversation about what they should do next, Delar arguing that there was no need to deviate from their original plan. They paused briefly to acknowledge Eald's presence before continuing. It seemed that Runuli was suggesting that their current path would have too little water available along the way, creating the potential danger of dehydration. Delar pointed out that not much remained of the journey, and that what they had with them should suffice to bring them through. She herself had never made the journey before, so she left it up to them to decide as she walked past to make sure that the others were awake.
Saiss was also up, scavenging the building for anything of use. The girl insisted that at least something of use must be lying around somewhere, and Eald agreed, although they were not so far from the Sun as to have been the first to visit the place. Doubtless dozens of rangers have come here before, taking all they cared to that was not bolted to the floor. Saiss was persistent, however, and perhaps rightfully so. She had found an old plastic pencil a few days past, and was diligent in testing different surfaces to see how it would perform on them. Not that pencils were particularly rare - merely expensive. Perhaps someday she would find something truly valuable.
Leaving her there, Eald went to knock at the door of the only unofficial member with them, a man in his thirties who referred to himself as 'Herr Spiegel'. He had joined them two weeks past, claiming that he had never been far from the Sun himself and was intrigued at the prospect of leaving the illuminated area. Delar did not wish to take him at first, but the man had offered a rather interesting watch as payment, and was thus accepted. Eald herself had always wondered what it felt like to leave the safety of the light, venturing off into the darkness that surrounded them from all sides, and was rather empathetic. The watch had proved to be interesting indeed, she reflected. "It glows in the darkness. See?" Dellar had once said with some amazement, holding it up in his hands. It was true, she realised. The glow was growing considerably weaker lately, but it was a glow nevertheless. Doubtlessly it absorbed light from its surroundings, and that was growing scarcer with each mile.
When no one answered her knock, she opened the door and entered, finding it empty. He must have been up already too. Closing it behind her, she returned to her own room to grab what little she had left there and walked to take her backpack. The first wakings of their journey were disorganised and somewhat confused, with most not knowing what had to be done next, but quickly they designed an certain plan, agreeing that it was best to simply be ready to leave at a certain time and that they should all gather outside. Making sure that she had all she needed, she proceeded to the exit.
Herr Spiegel was already waiting outside under the faint red glow of the distant Sun, wearing his usual fedora hat and overcoat, the former tipped slightly to one side as he leaned against a pole, smiling at her. He touched it with a gloved finger, his eyes radiating amusement. "Hello there, m’lady."
"Hi there, Spieg," she smiled back at him. He had a certain swagger to him that she found appealing, although she imagined few would find it so.
"I heard a storm in the distance. A fierce thing, me would think. It would be best if we were to proceed at once."
Recalling her own dream, Eald wondered whether it merely took the course it did because she might have heard the thunder herself in her sleep. The air was silent now, but she trusted him on this. There was certainly no reason to lie about the weather.
"I thought the fact would stop your friends arguing so, but alas it seems they take me for a dupe." Pushing himself against the pole he had been leaning on, he began walking towards her, his eyebrows raised. "Man might think a storm would quench their thirst, but no! They argue still, it seems."
As he came close, he stopped and turned away from the Sun, peering into the black sky beyond. She followed his gaze, and could make out clouds somewhere in the distance, although barely. It was far too dark. Feeling her flashlight, she imagined she would need it soon. Distant thunder touched the sky, following a brief dim flash of light within those clouds. The light was enough to make out some of the clouds, however, and the sight made her uneasy. She hoped it would not reach them.
Shaking his head, he continued. "Tis folly, I tell you. I say we either hide or haste, but they'll hear none of it. 'We must go west!' says he. 'No, we must crawl forth!' comes the retort. They do not know of what they speak, say I."
Raising her own eyebrow, she redirected her gaze back at him, struggling to see his face in the darkness. "They did this before, you know. You haven't. Maybe they have reasons."
"When two views come, and they conflict, you know that at least one must be a little false. Their reasons are most likely folly. But I am chasing shadows, yes. They shall not yield. Me sighs." He exhaled demonstratively as he finished, shaking his head.
It was five more minutes before the other two men came, followed by Saiss. Delar and Rueli have finished arguing, resolving to continue forward as they were before. Delar used an inclinometer to measure the Sun's angle of elevation, and referencing his notebook declared that they only had about a hundred kilometers to go.
"We should reach the entry tunnel within a few days, I imagine. As Rueli mentioned, there won't be much water along the way so make sure that your bottles are filled. But if we're careful it should be enough." Throwing a glance at Spiegel, he continued. "As I have been informed, a storm is ahead of us. Unless it is going in the opposite direction, it should solve any water shortages we may have, at the price of drenching us as well. Either way, though, it should pose no danger, although I admit we might want to move on."
Spiegel gave a startled look to the man, although that might as well have been feigned. He kept his silence, however, and slowly moved into one of the long, black shadows that lined the street, becoming merely a faint outline against the blackness. Saiss eyed him strangely, but no one of the others gave him much further thought.
"Let's go, then," said Eald. It might indeed be best of no more time was spent on idle talking. The others expressed their agreement, and they were once more walking towards the sinister blackness that painted the sky beyond, their backs to the heatless Sun behind them.
The were at the outskirts of a city, she knew. A few days ago they have left the tall skyscrapers that now stood silent behind them, casting shadows that must have spanned kilometers, and were about to do the same to the comparatively small houses that surrounded them, it seemed. Delar explained that a long time ago the lights of the city would have illuminated the sky on their own, which was why the observatory was located a considerable distance away. Looking at the dark shadowy structures painting the horizon, it was hard to believe, although she imagined it must be true. Some of the lights were still functional, it was found, but none had any power to light them.
Peering at the darkness ahead, it did make her wonder, however. Was it possible that somewhere far off, deep in the surrounding darkness, there were other such cities that have remained lit, filled with other communities of people? It was unlikely, she knew. No one had ever heard anything but rumours of such a place, and certainly no evidence. But it was a wondrous prospect, one as captivating as it was absurd. If that was the case, then surely they should have picked up some radio signal by now, but that had never happened. The darkness that surrounded them was impenetrable, and one that allowed no unwelcome life to thrive.
Eald had never been far away from the Sun that had marked the heart of their community, unlike Delar or Rueli. She had once stood right beneath it, to be sure, marvelling at the massive tower that helped suspend it in the sky, but never before had she ventured more than two hundred kilometers away. The idea of being one of the few who could actually boast of having left the illuminated area was both exciting and frightening. She had heard of many horror stories of those who ventured too far, never to return, although half of them were so improbable that she imagined they were indeed little more than stories. Some told of bogs that moved to swallow people whole, while another popular tale was of a man who had ventured too far and lost his mind, now having resorted to feeding on unwary wanderers. The latter seemed to be more of a story to caution adventurous children, but one could never be sure.
It did indeed take them a few days to reach the entry tunnel. On their way they have stopped thrice, each time to sleep and rest. As they progressed, however, quality shelter became quite unlikely. The houses that have accompanied them so far on their journey grew quite scarce, so on the third day they were forced to settle for sleeping on the road they happened to be following. As expected, water was also becoming scarcer, although they did manage to find numerous sources of it as they walked.
Overall this was not quite what Eald's life had been before, nor what she had expected. When she signed up for the journey, she had imagined a well-defined path with organised checkpoints of sorts, with each stopping location carefully chosen and reserved, perhaps containing other people who could help them. Instead she had found herself wondering where she would be sleeping next, and there were few people to speak of after leaving the populated cities. Aside from Spiegel, they have met two others a few weeks past, none of which seemed particularly interested in talking to them. Indeed, one had run off when they tried to approach him, fleeing with a pronounced expression of fear. Delar explained the lack of people by saying that teams were not often sent to the observatory, and thus the route was not too well-known. All of this made her somewhat glad that they were approaching their destination, the return journey notwithstanding.
Regardless, there was an element of wonder to it all, overshadowed by the humid sense of hidden danger. As they walked, Eald used it an opportunity to observe the storm ahead of them brooding above the distant mountains. As the days progressed, the lightning flashes grew forever closer, the thunder that followed them producing noticeable vibrations in the air. It was on the third day that she began to discern the plants growing on the mountains beyond, their gray bodies covering the ground almost entirely. The sight made her shiver. She could only hope that the Sun was as effective at keeping them at bay as Rueli had claimed.
End of chapter
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Hello, WindSailor here to review once again. I will start by pointing out any technical stuff I see, and then I will move on to content.
I think the "of" here was intended to be an if.The, "the" here should be changed to, "they" or change the, "the" to "she", and the "were" to "was"
And that is it for technical stuff, now onto the more fun part, content!
So, wow, I loved this chapter. At first it was a bit draggy in my opinion, but it picked up speed towards the middle, and kept the reader's attention. Again, you never cease to amaze with your ability to describe the scene, you do it well each time. I just thought I would get that general remark out of the way.
This chapter flows well from the prologue, and it sets up the story. It is really interesting how no one knows much about anything, and most have stayed within their local area. Also, the deep interest everyone has with the sky makes you wonder.
Furthermore, I enjoyed seeing the characters interact, you start to see their personality. And, I feel you did a great job making each character unique and realistic. And speaking of characters, the dream that Eald had was very intriguing, and I think it will play a part in the future of the plot, maybe. Although, it kept me in suspense when she was choking and dying I was reading ever faster trying to figure out what was going to happen. So, it was a good way of keeping the reader interested.
Finally, the ending of this chapter was also well done. It brought you to a comfortable closing point, in which you can continue the story. I thought this chapter was great, and so far, it is looking like a very interesting novel. *goes to read the next chapter*
Great job!
Woah.. nice job. I could practically imagine everything you said in my head. The beginning description was very vivid. However, I found only a couple of grammar mistakes! Besides that, this story I'd give 5 stars. Lazy people like me would scan through it because it's so long. Perhaps you could separate it into two sections? I found the dialogue was too old fashioned, which would make readers steer away even though it's a very describing story.
"at all, she realised. "
It'd be realized.
"A fierce thing, me would think."
I was wondering if you were doing this on purpose or not.
Me sighs."
?
Hey thanks! XD Split it further? :O It's split into chapters already though! XD I'd feel like dividing it more would be nuclear fission e.o
It's a dialogue after all XD
Regarding your last comments, it's realised in Europe, and me did it on purpose
Ohhhh! I get it now lol
I said I would review for you, so here I am!

First things first: Content.
Your description is over the top awesome. You paint a real vivid picture for me to follow along with, which is something I love in a story. You have a very intricate way of describing things and you write in a sophisticated manner, which gives me a nice sense of professionalism that I very much enjoyed. To say the least, you right like a poet, and I love that. Just one question: What time era does this take place in? I find your dialogue to be very... old fashioned, shall I say? As if the two characters speaking to one another were from a more well mannered time period. As neat and concise your writing is, I still think it should have a bit more of a relatable feel to them. You want the readers to understand where the character is coming from to keep them engaged. Which brings me to my next point.
I got more description from the passage than thought from your character, Eald (Which, by the way, are your characters foreign? Very unique names.). In the midst of her short little journey, I wondered just how she was feeling and what she thought about the world around her. It would be nice if you could go more in depth with your character instead of me having to wonder what her opinions are. Again, it gives the reader something to relate to and keeps them wanting to read on.
Hmm... there's not much for me to nitpick on, since I barely found any mistakes at all, and as far as plot goes, well, I haven't seen much there. Though I can't wait to read more, on with chapter 2!
Awesome job, my friend.
Thank you for the review!
*parties* Before I answer your questions... Did you read the prologue? ^_^ I tried to do a little more setup on the context there
My writing there isn't as good I think... So I really should consider editing it more... I'm not sure. Maybe I just read it too often. But does it give a sense of context? ^.^
I did not read the prologue so thank you for mentioning it! And no problem. Let me know when the next chapter is ready and I'll be happy to review that one for you too. ^_^
Okay! Thank you ^_^