Hi LordMomo! I'm here for the requested review ~ I'm so sorry how long it took me to get here!
I see you've already gotten some great reviews, so I'll try my best not to get too repetitive
The main thing I want to look at is the personalities of the two crows. Obviously this is a very short scene, so it might seem like there isn't much of a chance to differentiate them as characters, but I think you actually have a very good start on giving them separate personalities! I noticed that a lot of the time, you have Corvo being clueless and asking questions, with Kraai answering them/being impatient. I would suggest emphasizing this even more ~ for example, in the opening two lines:
Corvo: Hey. Kraai.
Kraai: Yeah, Corvo?
This is great as is, but if you change the wording slightly you can give the reader an even stronger impression of the two characters. Something like this:
Corvo: Hey. Kraai?
Kraai: Uhuh.
Now, in the first line, you've already started the pattern of Corvo asking and Kraai answering. This isn't necessary, but I do think it'd work well to further develop their characters!
Another suggestion I have is about these two lines ~
Kraai: Shh... he’ll hear you.
...
Kraai: Shh...
First, you'll see they both repeat "Shh...". Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but for such a short script, I'd suggest not repeating that, unless you feel it's adding to the character. Also, maybe consider using something more aggressive, like "Shut up!"? This really depends on if you want Kraai to be impatient and aggressive or patient and calm -> right now I'm getting impatient vibes, so I think impatient + aggressive would make the most sense, but if that's not how you want Kraai's character to be, that's fine too! And lastly, I don't feel like "Shh..." is the strongest way to end the script - especially because it ends in "..." which has the effect of making the piece feel unfinished. One possibility would be an ending like: "Well he's going to grow ears and hear us if you keep blabbering on like an idiot!" (again, only if you want Kraai to be a more aggressive character). Or perhaps, "I can't hear you." Totally up to you and how you want the script to end!
Overall, I think this is a really fun and lighthearted script, and definitely short & sweet! I like the dynamic you have between the two crows, and I think you're already doing a good job of conveying their different personalities. I'd mainly just suggest further emphasizing their personalities, mostly through little nitpicky word choice things! I hope this review is helpful, and again, so sorry for the delay.
Keep writing <3
whatcha
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