Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Historical Fiction

E - Everyone

Blood On Snow (Chapter 2)

by LivitheWriter4

“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.”

A hand came out of the light and grabbed me. The hand pulled me into the light and I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I noticed something feathery sticking out from her back and I realized they were wings. She was an Angel of Heaven.

“Come,” she beckoned to me, “I have a lot to explain in a little amount of time.” I nodded. “Silly girl,” she laughed, “You are allowed to talk.”

“Where are you taking me? Why have you brought me here? What is going to happen to me? Who are you?” I asked her.

“I am Emerentiana-I know it’s a mouthful,” she explained, “I am your guardian angel. I am taking you to the Palace of the Lord. Only very special humans get sent there. Before that, I will take you to the Hall of Mirrors. You will view yourself there. I am not permitted to tell you why I brought you here, and I do not know what is going to happen to you. The Hall of Mirrors is right up there,” she pointed to a pair of doors with mirrors of them, “We will go in them.”

We went up to them and she opened the doors. It was not completely filled with mirrors, but it had many of them. I quickly looked down. I was scared to see what I looked like.

“Go ahead and look at yourself,” Emerentiana said, “I promise you don’t look like a monster.” I took a glance and kept looking.

My hair was the silkiest it ever was. It also seemed the lightest blonde it ever was, and there were gold streaks in it. I was wearing a cream chiffon with gold accents. I was wearing tan gladiator sandals, and my skin was clean and clear.

“Why do I look like this?” I asked Emerentiana. She laughed.

“You look like you always imagined and wished yourself to be,” she answered, “You wished yourself to be the most beautiful person to ever exist, and that is what you became. The reason that happened is because when you were living you were pure and kind.” I slowly nodded, not really understanding.

“We will go to the Palace of the Lord. Come,” she said. She walked out and I followed. I looked in the golden hills along the silver path that we walked on. There were trees made of amber and emerald, and roses made of amazonite and rubies. I picked four of them.

“Good idea,” Emerentiana said. I gave her a questioning look, and she just smiled back.

Soon enough, we arrived in front of a palace made of gold and silver. I looked up, but I couldn’t see the top.

“Adelia.” I snapped my head down. That was the first time Emerentiana said my name. “Adelia.” I realized the doors were open. “Come.” I nodded and followed her.

A little bit after we walked in, we came across a throne room. It had three thrones. The one in the middle was diamond, the one on the right was gold, and the one on the left was silver. There was a figure in the middle of the room. He turned around. I sprinted into his arms.

“Papa,” I said, “It is so good to see you again.” Papa laughed. “You too, my child,” he said. All of a sudden, he grew very warm. I looked up to him. “Papa, what are you doing?” He grew into a blinding light in my arms. “Papa?”

“I am your ‘Papa’” the new person said, “I am everyone’s Papa.”

“God,” I proclaimed. He gave a laugh.

“Yes,” he said, “You are the first person who has given me a hug in a long time. Thank you.” I nodded and gave a teary smile. “Your father is not here anymore. He chose to live another life on Earth.” I felt tears come through my eyes, and I gave soft sobs.

“We have not come here to talk, however, we came here for council,” he said loudly. Right after he said that, a man with long hair and a halo appeared in the gold throne. At the same time, the most beautiful woman appeared in the silver throne. Jesus and Mary. God went and sat down in the diamond throne.

I felt the jewel roses grow heavy in my hand. I immediately knew what to do with them.I went to Jesus and gave him one, I went and gave God one too, and, lastly, I went to Mary and gave her the third one. I looked at her. I still had one left.

“What should I do with the last one?” I asked her.

“Keep it, child. You deserve it,” she answered. I smiled softly and thanked her.

“So,” Jesus said, “Why do you believe that we had you summoned here?”

“I do not know,” I said, “But if all of you are here I know it is for a good reason.” All of them nodded. Mary smiled.

“Your friend Lilith is in a massive state of grief,” Mary said, “But she will get married to the lord’s eldest son, and her first child will be a girl,” she looked at God and Jesus, “Um, we were thinking that you could be reincarnated into their daughter.” My mind slowly processed this. Once I understood what they meant, I slowly nodded.

“That would be very nice,” I said, “If you all are okay with it. I would love to see my friends again, even through the eyes of a child.” They all nodded.

“You will have some memory,” God said, “But only a little of it will be from here. Most of it will be from your past life. Once you grow up, you will look just like you do now.” I nodded.

“Where and when will we do this?” I asked.

“In the courtyard, at noon,” Mary said, “You will go with Emerentiana until noon today.” Emerentiana stepped forwards. “She will still be your guardian angel.” Emerentiana nodded and smiled at me. I think she liked me?

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar

Points: 168
Reviews: 3

Wed Oct 03, 2018 1:40 pm
ViaLia wrote a review...

This chapter is amazing, just like the first one! I had a bit of criticism, though. You could have been a bit more description and filler details up to the realization that Emerentiana was an angel, and definitely when she saw her 'father.' There could be more descriptive words describing all the characters, and the heaven that she is in. There also could be so many more filler details. It felt short and choppy. I felt like I was missing a lot of reactions and thoughts that could have happened within the time she was talking with all of the people. It was a super amazing chapter, and I can not wait to read the next one!

User avatar
1636 Reviews

Points: 119632
Reviews: 1636

Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:49 am
BlueAfrica wrote a review...

Once you grow up, you will look just like you do now.

Wow, that's going to be a shock for poor Lilith when her daughter grows up looking like her best buddy. Unless she grows up looking all perfectly beautiful like this, but in that case kind of what was the point of making her look sort of plain before?

So I think it's interesting that you took Christianity and added reincarnation into the mix, but it's kind of strange to me that they tell her exactly what's going to happen and how she'll remember it but not until she's older, etc. And also how they tell her that her father chose to be reborn, but in her case they don't really ask, they're just like "so here's the plan."

I think a book that does it really well is The Moorchild (Eloise McGraw). It's more of a light fantasy than historical fiction (I'm not even really sure I should call it fantasy exactly? It draws on some mythology), but the main character is basically a faerie child who's half-human, so she can't do proper faerie things. She's sent away for the safety of the other faeries and becomes a changeling, raised by a human family, and doesn't remember her life as a faerie. But the other children in the village can see that she's different, and eventually she starts remembering until finally she remembers everything and goes back into the faerie realm to rescue her human mother's birth child.

Anyway, if that sounds like your kind of thing, I think it would help you see a way to do this that doesn't bludgeon readers over the head so much with "and here is what will happen." The Moorchild does what you're doing here, where readers get to see the background of how the character winds up in their new life before seeing them forget and finally remember, but it's less exact about what's going to happen to her. So there's more intrigue as the character starts realizing they're different and remembering what happened.

Another example is The Stolen Child (Keith Donohue), but that one's definitely a lot more adult and has more explicit content. I'm pretty sure it's also a little different in that you don't realize the characters are changelings until later in the story, but I could be wrong about that.

(Sorry all my examples are about changelings and not reincarnation, but I think the experience is close enough.)

“Why do I look like this?” I asked Emerentiana. She laughed.

“You look like you always imagined and wished yourself to be,” she answered, “You wished yourself to be the most beautiful person to ever exist, and that is what you became. The reason that happened is because when you were living you were pure and kind.”

I find this funny, because I have to imagine that there are many pure and kind people who wished they were the most beautiful people to ever exist. In which case, who wins and actually becomes most beautiful?

User avatar
258 Reviews

Points: 14334
Reviews: 258

Sun May 27, 2018 10:58 pm
elysian wrote a review...

hello, happy review day! Here to hopefully help a little. Don't know how much I can do considering I haven't read the first chapter, but I'll try my best to give some general comments!

**disclaimer: I will most likely focus on negative aspects more so than positive aspects when reviewing, and this is just to help you grow as a writer! It is totally okay not to agree with something I say! Also, If I repeat anything already said, it's probably because it needs to be changed!**

my first thought when I see this is its length. Chapters are allowed to be short, for sure, but it is very hard to get all the details necessary into such a low amount of words. I'm interested to see if you made it work or not.

She was an Angel of Heaven.

how did she come to this conclusion so fast?

...I nodded. “Silly girl,” she laughed, “You are allowed to talk.”

If I was in shock, I would've just nodded too, so it's a little odd that this angel assumed she wanted to say something.

Before that, I will take you to the Hall of Mirrors. You will view yourself there. I am not permitted to tell you why I brought you here,

but didn't she just tell her why she was bringing her there?

“I am your ‘Papa’” the new person said, “I am everyone’s Papa.”

this seemed a little cheesy, why would God pretend to be her father only to tell her that he wasn't there anymore?

If she is going to be her friend's daughter but is going to grow to look the same, wouldn't she notice?? Maybe she shouldn't look the same.

As I suspected, the chapter ended rather abruptly, and more could definitely be added! I like this idea, and I feel like a lot can be done with this plot, so I'm interested to see where you go with this. tag me in upcoming chapters?

hope I helped!

- Del

User avatar
100 Reviews

Points: 6328
Reviews: 100

Sun May 27, 2018 10:49 pm
KatjaDawn wrote a review...

Hi LivitheWriter4! Katja here to review your second chapter! Please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make should you deem them unhelpful... Now, onto the review!

Your second chapter is telling of Adelia's being brought to the palace of the lord by her guardian angel after her death. She meets God, Jesus, and Mary here and they propose that she can live again, by being born as the daughter of her friend left behind. She agrees to this and the chapter comes to an end.

My thoughts:

I definitely didn't expect Adelia to meet God and Jesus and Mary, who are generally viewed in a Christian light, and then have her be asked to be reincarnated! Haha, what an interesting plot already. That drew me in! I'll definitely be waiting patiently for the next chapter to be published.

I couldn't find anything wrong with grammar or punctuation, and I don't have any suggestions for you today. I'm going to re-read chapter one in order to get a better perspective on your story, however, and I'll be keeping my eyes open for the third chapter! Feel free to tag me in the comments if you'd like me to review the next chapter!

Keep writing,


"You're wrong about humanity. They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are. Sure, they're weak, and they cheat and steal and destroy and disappoint, but they also give and create, and they sing and dance and love. Above all, they never give up."
— Metatron