This is my 2nd!
Steal
It's so sweet how she looks at him,
I don't think anyone could care for him more.
I wonder why she doesn't take a chance,
it's likely she'll score.
When he's down, her heart sinks.
When he's elated, she's glad.
I wonder how dumb you have to be
not to notice she's mad.
Not mad as in crazy,
but head-over-heels.
It's time she take action
and steal.
Steal him away from the predator,
protect him from the hurt.
Dry up the tears.
Always loving; always alert.
Give him what he deserves;
what she deprived him of.
Help reverse the acid rain
she continuously poured from above.
Arch your back and let it rip.
Come on, it's time to fight!
Love sometimes calls for war,
you have every right.
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Canary word: Present
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140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
Resieved a gold star. Instant gold.
great work.. I can't come up with anything... I think I have used up my criticue power for today or this was just perfect.
LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE
i really loved this poem...the rhyming was awesome and the whole idea was great. sure its a story told many times over but it just doesnt seem to get old cause everyone has their own way of interpriting it. really cute!!
Great tale, and rhyming! I must say I'm impressed, maybe you'll make it big time in the big leagues of the world!
Death
I liked it.
They rhyming was cute and I think that it really fits in the poem.
It rhymed and was sort of cute, but the subject was bland and rather boring. It was unoriginal and that made me look at it a little more harshly with a 'here we go again' approach. The form is easy and really shallow, all the emotions are mirrored and a bit confusing at some points.
Give him what he deserves;
what she deprived him of.
Help reverse the acid rain
she continuously poured from above.
Uh... this is to the 'predator'? Otherwise it doesn't seem to make much since and it is rather ambiguous. The last three stanzas are a call to a fight as love rivals, but something about the way you did it doesn't set as right with me. It feels incomplete and lacking a stanza about this competitor.
The rhyming was well pulled off in this!
The story was great.
Not much to complain about! I loved it!