I Do

Hey there!

Being that it is Christmas, Merry Christmas! On to the review. ^_~


Now, this might seem pretty basic and perhaps slightly rude of me, but there is a reason why wedding vows are not poetry! A poem might be a wedding vow, but a wedding vow a poem does no make. Basically, even though wedding vows are probably fun to write and it is in verse, this doesn't actually mean it is poem. I'll get beyond that however! And review this like a poem.

It's very narrow, for one thing. It's really centered within its self and doesn't let the reader in. ... This is obvious, though. As a wedding vow it is a message to the other person. This doesn't always come out so good. I think a wedding styled poem would be incredebly interesting, but recall the poetry also involves imagery, beautiful and specific diction, sound devices and so forth. Don't just speak to the other person - appeal to your reader. Can you make them feel the love?

As to your line breaks, they were short which made this really jumpy and difficult to read. The flow was completely lost. Line breaks are so important, because even though they don't signal pauses, it does break the language up for the reader. Think of it, the eyes have to move all the way to the other side of the poem! So they're important, you've got that. You can use them to your advantage, too. A switch of emotion can be heightened by a line break, or a word joke, which hinges on the words, can elevate the joke depending where the line break is.

Sorry this was such a lame review. =/ Hope it helped, anyway, and best of luck!

One of the groom's so-much-es needs to be put in italics. Other than that, it's a great, almost immaculate poem. So keep writing! I will let my readers go--
Cheers!
--Voxina

Hi, Livinginfantasy!

Your poem was sweet and had a nice basic idea, which hasn't really got clichéed yet – I mean the bride/groom thing. However, it didn't really bring through any deeper emotions and that was what I would've liked to read – about love that's so full of wonders that it makes your heart scream in joy. In Finnish, the right verb for this would be pakahtua, which basically means "to burst out of happiness", though translated it really doesn't desribe the feeling as well.

In each of these stanzas, love is described with plain words and expressions that are in daily use, and thus don't make the topic very interesting. I'm not saying you should use words like stateliness or notwithstanding, but you could think about metaphors and paraphrases, things like that. Use every one of your senses when writing a poem: How does something feel/taste/sound etc.?

About the line breaks: I'm not any poetry expert, though I like to write poetry every once in a while. I don't know if there's a certain rule about the breaks, but I think you kind of write one thought to one line, and then out another thought to another line. And the lines should also be somewhat equal, I think But please, anyone correct me if I'm wrong.

A nit-pick:

And I told myself

plenty already