Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night, (whichever one it is when you get around to reading this),
Okay, halfway point.
First Impression: Nice little change of pace. And bit of a generic plot development chapter. Like the previous ones really good descriptions and language.
Anyway once more onto the breach,
Beston watched a young boy come before the king. He said something about his father being brutalized by elves, and Amon asked one of his ministers to see to it at once. Then came several refugees seeking asylum from the war that was ravaging the neighbouring kingdom of Ediacol. And a man begging for training to become a mage. It went on and on, well into the day. At last, King Amon Radcliffe motioned to Lord Sprigg Cassel, his chief advisor, and rose from the throne. Beston followed him as he left the room and headed for his chambers. It was nearly sunset outside. The air was becoming chilly, and Beston shivered slightly as he drew his cloak about himself. They walked in silence up a flight of stairs, then the king said, “You are a man to be admired.”
That particular idea is something totally different from the previous paragraph. I think it would be better off as the beginning of another paragraph.
Beston blinked at his back. “Your Grace?”
“Wounded gravely only last month, yet here you are.” Amon turned and smiled at him. “You Belators are made of stern stuff indeed.”
“I’d rather not leave you vulnerable for long.”
“Sister made the right choice, marrying your father. You’ve inherited his strength and loyalty. However, I don’t intend to see you die because you refused to let your body heal.”
“I’ll try my best to stay alive, then, Your Majesty.”
Amon snorted. “Without children of my own, you are my only heir. Getting yourself killed in the line of duty isn’t noble or loyal, it’s just stupid. Take smaller risks. Even last night, you had to go after those rogues by yourself, didn’t you?”
Beston flushed slightly. “They meant to set off explosive runes today. I had to make sure all of them were caught and executed myself.”
“No, you didn’t. Leave some things to others, Beston. You’ll find life easier then.”
“As you say, sire.”
His uncle sighed, smiling. “Yet you’ll insist on inspecting every corner of my chambers before letting me in.”
“A man such as you will have enemies throughout his life.”
“So will you. You’re the nephew to a king. And the king of Alhallon, no less. Men will always be looking to topple our family.”
“That will not happen.”
“No? And what if I fall ill all of a sudden? Which assassin will you face then? Surely not the disease. And if you were to be assassinated before me...”
Lovely bit of dialogue. Very realistic.
The words slammed into him, making him shiver slightly. “I- No. No, it can’t work that way, it isn’t-”
I think someone pointed this out already but I'll just add it in there myself. I think he should have been a little bit more prepared to be handed this sort of thing considering the circumstances that are explained in the next paragraph.
“You’ve learnt the life in a court already, and I’ve been preparing you for this all along in fear of something like this.” Amon’s tone was firm, and Beston remembered all the classes and training he had endured without understanding why. He knew. Or rather, he suspected. Always thinking ahead, I see...
So I mentioned italics in the earlier chapter and I see you've used them here which is great. They're just much easier to follow. And I love how this gives us a bit of insight into the kings character.
The sunrise was beautiful over Terrianth, glints of gold flashing on glass-paned windows and glimmering spires. One of the most prosperous cities in the realm, thought Beston as he leaned on the parapet of the castle wall. His new, silent guards were behind him at a distance, watching him so carefully he felt like a child beneath their stares. A child of twenty-one, probably better at fighting than they are. The idea of someone else protecting him for a change was amusing, and he let a smile through his roiling emotions.
This is much better way to describe a setting than in the previous chapter. I like this style. If you keep writing the descriptions this way it would sound much better.
Beston sighed again, letting it finally sink in. No more guardsman duty; he would have to attend meetings, meet people he didn’t care about, make useless small talk at dinners, and much, much more. He would have to learn all the subterfuges of court life, something he had always veered away from. Gods damn it all. He hadn’t lusted after power once, but here he was, being handed a kingdom on a gold platter.
This is nice little bit of character development.
“Why the Temple?”
“The Sacrial insisted. Old traditions and all that, bloody zealots.”
If he was taught about this sort of thing I'd expect him to know or at least of this location earlier.
Anyway that's all.
So overall this has so far been a really good story with nice imagery. It feels like we're still establishing things and that's fine because it's just the second chapter. Bit intrigue to read on so Imma march on. Three more chapters to go.
As always not trying to be harsh. Take what you think is useful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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