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Chapter Two

by LittleLee


Chapter Two

The throne room was packed today. Captain Beston Belator stood in the shadows behind the throne, one hand on the hilt of his sword. His eyes never ceased their survey of the petioners that came before the king. Every man and woman could be dangerous, sent to kill the man he had sworn to protect. If they tried anything at all, they would be dead before a drop of royal blood touched the floor. His men were arrayed around the king, all hand-picked by him for their loyalty and obedience. More stood by ready to rush to his defence should the need arise. Amon Radcliffe would not die on their watch.

Beston watched a young boy come before the king. He said something about his father being brutalized by elves, and Amon asked one of his ministers to see to it at once. Then came several refugees seeking asylum from the war that was ravaging the neighbouring kingdom of Ediacol. And a man begging for training to become a mage. It went on and on, well into the day. At last, King Amon Radcliffe motioned to Lord Sprigg Cassel, his chief advisor, and rose from the throne. Beston followed him as he left the room and headed for his chambers. It was nearly sunset outside. The air was becoming chilly, and Beston shivered slightly as he drew his cloak about himself. They walked in silence up a flight of stairs, then the king said, “You are a man to be admired.”

Beston blinked at his back. “Your Grace?”

“Wounded gravely only last month, yet here you are.” Amon turned and smiled at him. “You Belators are made of stern stuff indeed.”

“I’d rather not leave you vulnerable for long.”

“Sister made the right choice, marrying your father. You’ve inherited his strength and loyalty. However, I don’t intend to see you die because you refused to let your body heal.”

“I’ll try my best to stay alive, then, Your Majesty.”

Amon snorted. “Without children of my own, you are my only heir. Getting yourself killed in the line of duty isn’t noble or loyal, it’s just stupid. Take smaller risks. Even last night, you had to go after those rogues by yourself, didn’t you?”

Beston flushed slightly. “They meant to set off explosive runes today. I had to make sure all of them were caught and executed myself.”

“No, you didn’t. Leave some things to others, Beston. You’ll find life easier then.”

“As you say, sire.”

His uncle sighed, smiling. “Yet you’ll insist on inspecting every corner of my chambers before letting me in.”

“A man such as you will have enemies throughout his life.”

“So will you. You’re the nephew to a king. And the king of Alhallon, no less. Men will always be looking to topple our family.”

“That will not happen.”

“No? And what if I fall ill all of a sudden? Which assassin will you face then? Surely not the disease. And if you were to be assassinated before me...”

“Why are we talking about this?” Beston asked, uneasy.

“Wait.”

Amon was silent as they crossed a hall leading to the royal chambers. Beston, as he had predicted, walked around inspecting all the rooms one last time, then nodded to the king. His mantle rustling slightly, he entered his luxurious apartment and sighed as his servants helped him disrobe and slide into a scented hot bath. Beston took position outside the door, and waited patiently until Amon was done. Once the servants had left and they were alone, the king turned to him, face grave. Something’s wrong. “Hera and I have been to see the Sacrial priests, regarding our... Lack of progeny.”

Beston was silent.

“Hera can bear children.” The king cleared his throat. “It seems that I cannot.”

What? He had never given this any thought before. Why is he...

“That makes you my only surviving heir.”

The words slammed into him, making him shiver slightly. “I- No. No, it can’t work that way, it isn’t-”

“Isn’t what? By law, the firstborn male inherits the throne, or if there is no son, the eldest child. My sister is older than I, but could make no claim. Our younger brother died in the cradle, and both your parents when you were a child. And now I find that I can have no children. As the only son of Gwayne Belator and Ises Radcliffe, you are, by rule, the next in line. The only one, in fact.”

Beston’s head was reeling. He couldn’t- there was no way- surely his uncle would have a child! He tried, feebly. “The Sacrial priests may have been wrong.”

Amon smiled bitterly. “I am certain they are not.”

“Perhaps they can devise a- a method to-”

“Don’t you think I would have ruled out all the possiblities by now?”

He swallowed, and put his hand on a chair to steady himself. “It’s- It’s just that-”

“We know,” said a voice behind him softly. Queen Hera moved into his view. “It must be a little too much to think about. But I’m sure you’e considered the fact that you may have to rule before.”

He had, there was no denying it, but as a child never, and once he became twelve, he had begun training for the life of a royal guard. And for the next five years, he had put his heart into protecting the man and woman who had raised him like their own child. But wait. “Y-you were to have a child last year. And once before.”

“We were,” Hera agreed, “but through some fault of mine they did not last.”

“You said-”

“Things changed with time, apparently,” Amon said sourly. “I do not understand how or why, but this is how it stand now, Beston. I will officially name you my heir within the week and allow you to bear the family name. You will become Prince of Alhallon as soon as possible.”

His mouth was opening and closing silently.

Hera gently took him by the arm. “You’ve always been our own son, Beston.”

“You’ve learnt the life in a court already, and I’ve been preparing you for this all along in fear of something like this.” Amon’s tone was firm, and Beston remembered all the classes and training he had endured without understanding why. He knew. Or rather, he suspected. Always thinking ahead, I see...

He bowed slightly. “I- may I be excused for some time?”

“Of course.” Amon rapped on the door lightly, and it opened to four men in golden armour standing ready. “Your new, personal guards. Do not try to lose them.”

Beston knew them all, veterans of the royal guard.

He left without another word.

***

The sunrise was beautiful over Terrianth, glints of gold flashing on glass-paned windows and glimmering spires. One of the most prosperous cities in the realm, thought Beston as he leaned on the parapet of the castle wall. His new, silent guards were behind him at a distance, watching him so carefully he felt like a child beneath their stares. A child of twenty-one, probably better at fighting than they are. The idea of someone else protecting him for a change was amusing, and he let a smile through his roiling emotions.

He sighed and stood up straight, continuing to gaze over the buildings at the sun until it was too bright to look at. Then he turned around and descended into the castle, footsteps echoing in the empty halls as he walked to his quarters. It would be the last time he stayed there; along with other changes, he was being moved to “more secure” chambers, as the king had put it firmly. After all, the Prince couldn’t live in such an exposed area.

It wasn’t really that dangerous, he reasoned. The barracks of the royal guards were quite close, and he was a competent fighter himself. But there was no arguing with Amon Radcliffe if he had made up his mind about something.

When he entered his bedchambers, he found a gleaming yellow tunic studded with sapphires and lined with sunny velvet lace lying on his bed. Blue and gold, the colours of Alhallon. An apt choice. He bathed quickly and donned his clothes with the help of several new servants, then looked at himself in the huge mirror they held in front of him.

Hera had chosen the clothes well; the sapphires matched his blue eyes and his black hair looked good against the gold. He looked like... a prince.

Beston sighed again, letting it finally sink in. No more guardsman duty; he would have to attend meetings, meet people he didn’t care about, make useless small talk at dinners, and much, much more. He would have to learn all the subterfuges of court life, something he had always veered away from. Gods damn it all. He hadn’t lusted after power once, but here he was, being handed a kingdom on a gold platter.

There was a knock on the door, then Queen Hera slipped in. She was silent at first, looking him up and down, then she walked up to him and begun fussing over everything. He smiled slightly, reminded of his younger days when she would scold him for getting dirty with the stableboys while simaltenuously cooing over how strong he had become.

“...and that’s not all, you need to brush your hair properly, I can’t have you turn up looking like a badly plucked chicken. And I’ve selected a cloak as well-” She snapped her fingers and one of her servants hurried forward, holding a midnight-blue garment made of fine silk. “Put it on quickly and come to the Temple. The announcement will be made there.”

“Why the Temple?”

“The Sacrial insisted. Old traditions and all that, bloody zealots.”

He blinked. Hera had never spoken like this before; she was clearly irritated.

“Alright, I’ll meet you outside, Your Grace.”

She paused and looked at him from the doorway. “I think you can call me ‘mother’ after all these years, regardless of whether you are heir or not.”

A smile tugged at his lips.

“Yes, mother.”

She smiled back at him, then spun around and was gone, leaving behind the scent of lavender.


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Mon Jun 15, 2020 5:45 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night, (whichever one it is when you get around to reading this),

Okay, halfway point.

First Impression: Nice little change of pace. And bit of a generic plot development chapter. Like the previous ones really good descriptions and language.

Anyway once more onto the breach,

Beston watched a young boy come before the king. He said something about his father being brutalized by elves, and Amon asked one of his ministers to see to it at once. Then came several refugees seeking asylum from the war that was ravaging the neighbouring kingdom of Ediacol. And a man begging for training to become a mage. It went on and on, well into the day. At last, King Amon Radcliffe motioned to Lord Sprigg Cassel, his chief advisor, and rose from the throne. Beston followed him as he left the room and headed for his chambers. It was nearly sunset outside. The air was becoming chilly, and Beston shivered slightly as he drew his cloak about himself. They walked in silence up a flight of stairs, then the king said, “You are a man to be admired.”


That particular idea is something totally different from the previous paragraph. I think it would be better off as the beginning of another paragraph.

Beston blinked at his back. “Your Grace?”

“Wounded gravely only last month, yet here you are.” Amon turned and smiled at him. “You Belators are made of stern stuff indeed.”

“I’d rather not leave you vulnerable for long.”

“Sister made the right choice, marrying your father. You’ve inherited his strength and loyalty. However, I don’t intend to see you die because you refused to let your body heal.”

“I’ll try my best to stay alive, then, Your Majesty.”

Amon snorted. “Without children of my own, you are my only heir. Getting yourself killed in the line of duty isn’t noble or loyal, it’s just stupid. Take smaller risks. Even last night, you had to go after those rogues by yourself, didn’t you?”

Beston flushed slightly. “They meant to set off explosive runes today. I had to make sure all of them were caught and executed myself.”

“No, you didn’t. Leave some things to others, Beston. You’ll find life easier then.”

“As you say, sire.”

His uncle sighed, smiling. “Yet you’ll insist on inspecting every corner of my chambers before letting me in.”

“A man such as you will have enemies throughout his life.”

“So will you. You’re the nephew to a king. And the king of Alhallon, no less. Men will always be looking to topple our family.”

“That will not happen.”

“No? And what if I fall ill all of a sudden? Which assassin will you face then? Surely not the disease. And if you were to be assassinated before me...”


Lovely bit of dialogue. Very realistic.

The words slammed into him, making him shiver slightly. “I- No. No, it can’t work that way, it isn’t-”


I think someone pointed this out already but I'll just add it in there myself. I think he should have been a little bit more prepared to be handed this sort of thing considering the circumstances that are explained in the next paragraph.

“You’ve learnt the life in a court already, and I’ve been preparing you for this all along in fear of something like this.” Amon’s tone was firm, and Beston remembered all the classes and training he had endured without understanding why. He knew. Or rather, he suspected. Always thinking ahead, I see...


So I mentioned italics in the earlier chapter and I see you've used them here which is great. They're just much easier to follow. And I love how this gives us a bit of insight into the kings character.

The sunrise was beautiful over Terrianth, glints of gold flashing on glass-paned windows and glimmering spires. One of the most prosperous cities in the realm, thought Beston as he leaned on the parapet of the castle wall. His new, silent guards were behind him at a distance, watching him so carefully he felt like a child beneath their stares. A child of twenty-one, probably better at fighting than they are. The idea of someone else protecting him for a change was amusing, and he let a smile through his roiling emotions.


This is much better way to describe a setting than in the previous chapter. I like this style. If you keep writing the descriptions this way it would sound much better.

Beston sighed again, letting it finally sink in. No more guardsman duty; he would have to attend meetings, meet people he didn’t care about, make useless small talk at dinners, and much, much more. He would have to learn all the subterfuges of court life, something he had always veered away from. Gods damn it all. He hadn’t lusted after power once, but here he was, being handed a kingdom on a gold platter.


This is nice little bit of character development.

“Why the Temple?”

“The Sacrial insisted. Old traditions and all that, bloody zealots.”


If he was taught about this sort of thing I'd expect him to know or at least of this location earlier.

Anyway that's all.

So overall this has so far been a really good story with nice imagery. It feels like we're still establishing things and that's fine because it's just the second chapter. Bit intrigue to read on so Imma march on. Three more chapters to go.

As always not trying to be harsh. Take what you think is useful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




LittleLee says...


Hey, thanks!

I've already made edits on most of the things you pointed out, actually. I didn't bother updating it here, but I've done it. Thanks for pointing it out, anyway.
About the italics; I did use them in both cases. I think you may have missed it, because I can see them on my devices.

I really appreciate what you're doing!



KateHardy says...


Italics: well that could happen.
And oh good for you if you've fixed them.
And thanks. I'm planning to do the other chapters as well if I get enough time.
Anyway Good Luck :)



LittleLee says...


Thanks! :D



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Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:18 pm
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hi LittleLee!

I hope that you're having a magical morning thusfar! I'm Elinor, and I'm here representing Slytherin house to review your chapter. As a full disclosure, I haven't read your Chapter 1, so there may be some context that I'm missing, but I will do my best to review this on its own merits. Also, if you want to get rid of that text at the beginning, you should be able to go to "Edit Work" under tools on the righthand bar. If you're still having trouble, let me know, and I can fix it for you.

I enjoyed this story! Fantasy is not normally my genre, but I found this a compelling look at someone who thinks he's an ordinary person getting the most life changing news possible. I suppose maybe you get into this either in the first chapter or in future chapters, but but I found myself wondering why Beston would be a Captain in the guard if he was royalty. If he thought he'd never succeed to the throne, I can see him getting in a more dangerous position, but I wonder if the King and Queen would let him. I'm also confused as to why he lives in the barracks as opposed to his own royal apartments. I'm not sure what the setting for this is exactly, but I do know that in medieval times a lot of royals did lead their troops into battle, so I suppose more clarity on the setting would be welcome. You say at the beginning he's a nephew to the King, but he seems surprised by all of this, so I suppose I was just a little confused. Even if he didn't think it was likely he would succeed, the possibility had to be in the back of his mind.

But this made me think of the story of King George VI (the father of Elizabeth II) and how he was never supposed to inherit the throne. It also reminded me of the Sword in the Stone, an old animated movie I watched recently about a young King Arthur. He's an ordinary boy for most of it who works in the castle. While the other older boys are obsessed with doing what it takes to become King, Arthur ends up pulling excalibur and becoming king. It's an alright movie overall, a bit slow for most of it but the last ten minutes are incredible. I had chills the whole time. It might be a fun movie to check out regardless, as your writing made me think of that movie overall.

Anyway, I hope this helps! Keep writing and slither on. :D

All the best,
Elinor

Image




LittleLee says...


Hey Elinor,
Thanks for everything!
I suppose him inheriting the throne is slightly weak. I'll try working on it and add some other things to clarify everything. I'm glad you pointed it out!
And I'll have to wait until tomorrow to edit this, I have no access to a computer xP
Thanks again!



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Sat Apr 25, 2020 7:59 pm
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ryleigha wrote a review...



Hi there!

I really liked this story! I think it is an interesting take on a succession problem. Just some quick notes, though! When you mention that Beston's parents are dead after his uncle died in the cradle, it seems like his parents also died in the cradle so maybe just clear that up a little! And I think that you could add in some more adjectives when you are describing his clothes and how they match his hair and eyes. One last thing, usually lace is not made out of velvet, unless you meant velvet and lace when you are describing his tunic, if that's the case you might want to clear that up as well. Other than those things, I really liked this story and can't wait to see what comes next! Keep up the good work!




LittleLee says...


Thanks for the review!



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Sat Apr 25, 2020 7:58 pm
ryleigha says...



Hey! Disregard this message, I was trying to leave a review and messed up haha




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LittleLee says...



I'm not able to edit out that bit in the beginning!
And if there any minor spelling mistakes, they're probably typos, so I would prefer it if they weren't pointed out.

@Gravitem @EverLight @FlamingPhoenix @MiniGem26
Let me know if you want to be added or removed.




mythh says...


Good going. Hope you publish the next chapter soon. =)



Gnomish says...


Can you add me to the tag list please? Thanks!
(Looks like a great story so far!)



LittleLee says...


Sure, I will.
Thank you!




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