The Prophecy of the Void
When Sun and Moon unite together,
And black snowstorms cloud the weather,
The heroes will arrive.
The heroes will arrive.
When the chosen one rises,
He will fail with many prices.
And the heroes will arise.
The heroes will arise.
The Void will be removed,
And the light will lose.
So the heroes will go find.
The heroes will go find
The power of the goddess will be granted twelve times at least,
And a new power will raise the beast.
The heroes will protect
The ancient artifact.
As the world darkens and the earth is consumed
The old dimension will be their doom.
The heroes will have to save.
The heroes will have to save.
Into six dimensions the heroes will go
Looking for the power that is sought for so.
The heroes will succeed
Or mercy they will plead.
A flash of power; the treasure is gone
After fighting for so long.
Heroes to their past,
But first will retreat fast.
To twelve new lands the heroes will journey.
Each quest they will be learning.
Six heroes will be powered
With the gift of their desire.
In time and space they will meet up
At a destination hub
But the heroes will separate.
To six different worlds in space.
One with dragons, another with anime,
One to a world based on sci-fi
The heroes must escape,
Yet their minds will be erased.
Two heroes will be scared or puzzled.
One will be fighting, befuddled.
A new hero will come to
The heroes that were chosen to rule.
When seven together combine their powers,
With their gifts and troubled hours,
To the past the heroes travel,
And their lives will unravel.
Next, they must restore the void
From a world that is completely destroyed
The heroes will succeed,
Or perhaps they will bleed.
They will be glorified for their righteousness,
And one especially for his awesomeness.
For 100 years will stand their colonies,
But one will betray the prophecy.
100 years later the prophecy will repeat
Until the heroes get it right.
Every year it will be harder to defeat
Because the void will smite.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there!
So first off, I would so love to see this as an actual novel. Have you considered expanding this wonderful plot bunny? And if not, may I steal this? >_>
Anyways, onto le review~
I gotta congratulate you on the rhyme scheme. You didn't make this feel awkward or odd once, and you earn bonus points for the fact that this was a lengthy poem! I totally love that, since a forced rhyme scheme can sometimes make the flow choppy because lines clash and make little to no sense and etc. but no, you actually did really well with this, which did surprise me. Awesome!
If I had to recommend one thing, it would be to combine some lines or expand on some lines, especially the repetition. Some of them end awkwardly and could use a word or three tagged on at the end to give it that whole "complete sentence" feel and not a fragment feel. Get me?
Overall, this was really good. One of your strongest factors was the repetition. It added to your benefit by actually working for the poem, not hindering it. The flow was good, the message was delivered in a beautifully detailed way, and this was overall a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing and happy Review Day. ^^
Thank you! Happy Review Day too!
Do you know, I actually could see this being like a foreward to a fantasy series. Like it would be a prophecy that the main character finds out about later in the first book or whatever.
I'm sorry this isn't a review because I have nothing in particular to say, but I wanted to say the above, anyway. Just an idea.
Blue
Thx!
Hi, Tulip here to give you a review on this "strange' piece of writing.
I think I got about halfway or even before halfway done before I stopped reading. The bold was distracting..the poem itself lost the attraction it has at the beginning. I mean the one real reason I clicked on it's link was well because I figured it be something amazing and attention grabbing but then I found something that was interesting, but it wasn't enough to keep my attention.
Though it doesn't keep my attention, do not feel terrible at your skills as at the point in time that you wrote this, that you have ever been a bad writer. I lost focus on genres and different types of writings. this just happened to be something I didn't like.
You are an amazing writer, and just remember that not everyone is going to like what you write.
Thanks for your advice. I'll keep that in mind. Like I said, I imported this from a word document created I have no idea HOW long ago. Some things I wrote in it don't really make sense to me. I totally get it.
Your Writing it very unique. You keep doing what your doing because that's good. I feel as if repeating a line over and over again not only allows the reader to focus on it, but it gives it a sense of stress if you know what I mean. Good job. Well done. Wow, I can't believe your writing. I wish Mine was as amazing as yours. Speaking of mine, you should check it out.